Equinox
by aequusnoxdiem
Summary: Ever wonder what Edward was thinking and feeling in New Moon that led up to his decision to leave Bella? Were you curious what he did while he was gone? Curious about how his family felt about his leaving? You've come to the right place to find out.
1. Party

**This fiction is an EPOV of New Moon - written very much in the style of Midnight Sun. As such, I have re-purposed the dialog from the book whenever Edward and his family are with Bella. But the thoughts, feelings and the story line of Edward and his family away from Bella have been created by me. **

**That being said, ALL of the Characterizations all belong to S. Meyer - with absolutely NO copyright infringement intended whatsoever, and this story is meant purely for entertainment purposes only. **

PARTY

It had been almost a century since I truly wished that I was still human.

I took a deep breath, even though it was completely unnecessary, and huffed it out quickly.

Damn. Damn, damn, damn.

I sighed again. Alice, who was standing next to me, glanced up with a raised eyebrow.

_What's your problem today?_ She silently asked me. I shrugged and shook my head. _Well, whatever it is, stop it. Bella's on her way, and it's her birthday, so act happy._

She glared at me and went back to fussing with the box she had just picked up off the car seat. She could be so annoying sometimes.

_Damn._ I thought again. _Why wasn't anything ever easy?_

Ever since I had finally come to terms with the reality of my new existence, (or thought I had...) and accepted that I was what I would forever be, (Did I?) I hadn't given myself over to brooding about my lost humanity. I'd fooled myself into believing that it didn't do any good to pine for what was, and what should have, or might have been. I finally forced myself to move on with my life, if that's what you want to call what I have, and get over it.

That had all changed in the last six months.

Now, I spent every waking minute (and since I never slept, that was basically every minute) viciously wishing for the impossible. The reason for the change was at this moment pulling her battered old Chevy truck into the parking lot, searching with her liquid brown eyes for both a parking spot, and for a glimpse of me. As she pulled into the parking spot just down from my car, she finally met my stare and blushed a very becoming shade of red. That blush, coupled with her shy smile, was enough to fire not only my unending thirst, but also the long dead craving for humanity.

Damn.

This, apparently, was my day for wallowing.

Alice, who, until she heard the truck wheezing its way down the aisle, had been absent mindedly picking at the bow of the silver wrapped box she held, suddenly froze, her gaze unfocused as she looked ahead with her overly gifted mind into the future. I knew instinctively, before I trespassed into her head that she was looking to see if her gift would be well received. I saw what she did, and couldn't help but grin a little as she frowned slightly, and then shook her head, her golden eyes refocusing on mine. Noting my smirk, she stuck her tongue out at me.

"She's going to be difficult about it, isn't she?" I asked, even though I already knew the answer. Judging by the scene that Alice had just visualized for me of Bella's reaction to her birthday gift, it seemed that it wasn't only _my_ day for wallowing. "I told you that you shouldn't have bothered." I sighed and shrugged.

Alice kept silent and just squared her shoulders and plastered a smile on her face, waiting for Bella to climb out of the truck so she could tackle her. She hated having her gifts rejected, but she was still excited to be giving them. I could tell she would make the best out of the outcome, no matter what happened.. which, of course, she already knew. It was just how Alice was.

Annoying. But... I loved her.

Bella climbed slowly out of her truck, slamming the door as she did so, her eyes fixed on the silver box Alice was all but juggling in her excitement. She frowned slightly, and that little worry crease appeared between her brows as she walked slowly in our direction. I sighed, silently wishing that this beautiful, pale girl who went even more pale, if that was possible, at the thought of anyone giving her anything, would just learn to like being spoiled. It would make my life so much easier.

Walking slowly towards us, slinging her backpack over her shoulder, Bella looked to me like she would rather be far away from Alice at this moment, but of course, Alice was having none of it. Pretending she didn't already know how Bella would react to her gift, she skipped with excitement across the lot that separated Bella from where I stood, leaning quietly against my car, quietly waiting with a small smile I had plastered on my face.

"Happy Birthday, Bella!" Alice chimed happily, reaching out to hug her. I almost laughed as Bella winced.

Quickly, she glanced around to make sure that no one had heard Alice. "Shhhhh!" Bella hissed, completely mortified. Alice made a face at her, but continued on in her abnormally happy, pushy little way.

"Do you want to open your present now, or later?" she pressed eagerly as they walked back in my direction together.

I chuckled quietly, and shaking my head. I knew, without Bella telling me, why she was so upset about getting gifts given to her and having to suffer through yet another birthday. As a human, she continually aged.. changing every second, while I, as a vampire, was frozen as I was for all eternity at seventeen years old. Bella was turning eighteen today, a full year older than I, and she was not happy about it. She was even less happy about the fact that I could stop her from aging any further, and I completely refused to do so.

"No presents." Bella muttered in a dark voice, refusing to let Alice's chipper mood lift her spirits. Alice finally seemed to get the hint and stopped trying to hand Bella the gift.

"Okay... later, then." She turned to smile back at Bella, and I smiled, seeing in Alice's head the gifts that Renee and Charlie had conspired together to sneak into the house for Bella's birthday. "Did you like the scrapbook your mom sent you? And the camera from Charlie?" I chuckled again as Bella raised her eyebrow at Alice, and then slightly shook her head like she should have known Alice would know about her presents. I still had trouble believing how accepting Bella was of me and my strange family of vampires.

Bella sighed. "Yeah, they're great."

Undaunted, Alice pushed on. "I think it's a nice idea. You're only a senior once. Might as well document the experience." she insisted. Bella was unimpressed.

"How many times have you been a senior?" she threw back, slightly caustically.

"That's different."

When I had first met Bella, I was literally seconds away from killing her. Her sweet human blood called out like a siren's song to the monster inside me. The only thing that had held me in my seat at the instant I had caught her scent, was my love for my adopted father Carlisle, and the desire to be the son he believed me to be. It's pull on me was stronger than anything in my existence as a vampire ever had been before. It had taken -and was still taking- all of my decades of learned self control in the presence of humans to even be near her, much less to touch her.

Kissing Bella was a totally new adventure in pain for me... my throat parched and the venom flowed freely at the mere thought of touching my lips to hers. Perhaps because I had inadvertently just visualized it, my throat erupted in flames and my mouth was suddenly swimming in venom. With some difficulty, I pushed the images away, got a grip on my runaway imagination, and swallowed hard.

_Feel the burn. _I snorted mentally._ As always._

It was a pain that I gladly succumbed to though-positively roasted in, if I must be honest-and on the rare occasions that I felt strong enough to try it, my self control was again tested to its limits.

I'd been around her so much lately that the thirst for her blood had become a pain that I was getting somewhat used to. I still had to concentrate very hard on ignoring it, but it was getting much easier to tune out then it used to be. It would only take one slip of my concentration one way or the other, though, and Bella was dead. Every time I left her and came back, I had to get used to the effect it had on me all over again. But it was worth it.

Oh, was it ever worth it.

Discreetly, as they drew nearer, I drew in a cautious breath to reacquaint myself with her sweet scent. It had only been a few hours since I'd slipped out of her bedroom window, where she had slept through the night fully clothed, curled up in my cold embrace.

I'd only had to run home to change and pick up my family for school, but I still had to blink hard as her still potent aroma hit the back of my throat and smoldered on the back of my tongue. It almost felt as if I had been away for days. Her blood was as deliciously aromatic to me now, as it was the first time I caught her scent when she walked in front of the fan in Biology on her first day at Forks High School. I doubted that would ever change.

Finally, my already limited patience wearing thin, and after what seemed like an eternity, the girls reached me. I reached my hand out to Bella, amazed as I always was when she did not shrink back from my icy touch. She took my hand quickly, twining her warm fingers within my cold, hard ones, and looked directly into my eyes, totally fearless. I heard her heart thump erratically in response to my gentle squeeze of her hand, and I couldn't help but smile down at her.

As she gazed back at me with her warm, brown eyes, I just couldn't resist touching her. I lifted my free hand and gently traced my finger around the outer edge of her perfect lips. My own long dead, and silent heart felt like it should have started not only beating again, but doing it in double time. We could have probably danced a jig to it.

I felt again the crush of wanting so badly to be human. Damn.

To love her as completely as a human boy could. In every way.

But that could never happen.

Damn, Damn.

I fought back the despair that threatened to crush me, forced a smile to my lips and said, "So, as discussed, I am not allowed to wish you a happy birthday, is that correct?" She continued to gaze up at me, and I could clearly see the rebellion warring with the love in her eyes as she answered me. For a moment, I was distracted by that thought.

Love. She loved me. The knowledge of that was so sweet it almost hurt.

"Yes, that is correct." She answered grouchily, and I sighed.

Well, at least she loved me. I could deal with the rest.

Pushing my hand through my hair in slight frustration, I said, "Just checking. You might have changed your mind." I could see from the hard change to her expression that there wasn't a chance of that happening. I tried again. "Most people seem to enjoy things like birthdays and gifts."

Standing beside me, Alice laughed. _You wish!_ was her sarcastic thought, accompanied by a mental snort. I was so caught up in memorizing Bella's face, yet again, that I'd almost forgotten she was there. What a pain she could be. I rolled my eyes at her and then turned to watch her as she tried her hand at changing Bella's mood.

"Of course you'll enjoy it. Everyone is supposed to be nice to you today and give you your way, Bella. What's the worst that could happen?" She shrugged, not expecting a reply. Of course, I should have known that Bella wasn't going to let the opportunity to take a poke at me slip by.

I could see her watching me out of the corner of her eye as she said, "Getting older." and her voice shook with some emotion that I couldn't pinpoint. Even though I tried very hard not to react, I couldn't quite keep my jaw from silently locking in place.

Alice was unperturbed. "Eighteen isn't very old." she said airily. "Don't women usually wait till they're twenty-nine to get upset over birthdays?" she looked up at me expectantly. _They do, don't they?_ She directed the thought at me, but I wasn't about to answer, waiting for Bella's reply . I couldn't help being bothered by Bella's attitude, especially knowing the reason behind it. I shrugged at Alice, but stayed silent.

"It's older than Edward," Bella muttered. She just wasn't going to let this obsession with becoming a vampire go, it seemed. This time, I couldn't help the sigh that escaped.

Alice tried to lighten the mood, keeping her voice chipper. "Technically," she shrugged, unconcerned.

_What is age to a vampire? _she thought. With huge difficulty, I managed to bite back a curse, so very glad that she hadn't thrown that one out there verbally.

"Just by one little year though." she finished, sure that her argument would win.

In spite of the exasperating way that she went about it, I did have to be grateful to Alice for continuing to try to do what I was so far unable to do - make Bella see that remaining human and living out her years in the normal way was nothing to dread. So far, though, she had had about as much luck as I had... which was none.

I argued with her constantly that we could be together forever without me having to kill her to do it. It was the one thorn in our otherwise happy, rather short lived relationship. She had only been around my family and I in the last six months, so she had only seen the results of hundreds of years of dedication and hard work that it took to retain the humanity that becoming a vampire had stripped from us. In her mind, we made it look easy... when it was easily the hardest thing I had ever done in my entire life. No.. she just didn't understand what it was like. And, if I had my way, she never would.

"What time will you be at the house?" Alice asked suddenly. I had to hide a smile at the reaction on Bella's face. It was obvious that she would rather be torn apart and fed to one of Emmett's grizzly bears before having to endure anything else birthday related, much less the party that I was sure she suspected Alice of throwing in her honor. Suspected correctly, of course.

"I didn't know I had plans to be there." Bella pouted.

"Oh be fair, Bella!" Alice wailed, crushed that she might have to give up her birthday party plans if Bella continued her stubborn streak. I could have told her that it was like arguing with a mountain made of granite for all the good it would do. I had first hand knowledge."You aren't going to ruin all our fun like that, are you?" She batted her golden eyes at Bella hopefully, trying in vain to make her see reason.

_Help me out here, big brother!_ Alice's mental voice yelled. I shrugged slightly. She should have known better, in my opinion. She had previously seen a little of how stubborn Bella could be when she wanted something. Or did not want something, as in this case. Now she was getting a full dose of it. I had never seen her equal in all my years of living.

_If she tries to back out of this, I'm making YOU tie her up and carry her to our house. _Alice silently threatened. I ignored her, watching Bella, as usual. In my peripheral vision, I saw Alice narrow her eyes, and I knew it was directed at me.

"I thought my birthday was about what I want." Bella muttered.

It looked like we were going to have to double team this effort to make it happen, so I decided it was time to step in and let Alice off the hook.

"I'll get her from Charlie's right after school," I said, completely ignoring the evil look Bella shot my way, but finally earning a smile from Alice. Thank God. I had to live with her.. it was easier to have her happy.

"I have to work," she protested. Alice beamed, and Bella looked at her suspiciously.

"You don't, actually," she said, rather smugly. "I already spoke to Mrs. Newton about it. She's trading your shifts. She said to tell you 'Happy Birthday.'" _Let's see her worm her way out of that one, _she thought, satisfaction coloring her mental tone. I grinned.

"I - I still can't come over," Bella sputtered, and I could see her searching her mind frantically for an acceptable excuse. For probably what was the millionth time since I'd first met her, I wished yet again that she wasn't the one person on Earth whose mind I could not read.

"I, well, I haven't watched Romeo & Juliet yet for English." she finished, the look on her face one of relief, thinking that she had potentially thrown Alice off her game.

Alice snorted. "You have Romeo & Juliet memorized." I coughed to hide a chuckle. That was probably true.

"But Mr. Berty said we needed to see it performed to fully appreciate it - that's how Shakespeare intended it to be presented. " she rushed, with a slight edge of desperation to her voice. I couldn't help but roll my eyes.

Alice pressed on. "You've already seen the movie." she accused.

"But not the nineteen-sixties version. Mr. Berty said it was the best."

Alice finally gave up her gloating smile and narrowed her eyes at Bella. _Uh, oh,_ I thought.. _this can't be good._ "This can be easy, or this can be hard, Bella, but one way or the other -" I decided to interrupt her threat. I didn't need Bella's ultra-stubborn side to show itself, and I had a feeling that if Alice continued with the treat, I would indeed need to hog tie Bella to get her to the party, as Alice had mentally suggested earlier.

"Relax, Alice. If Bella wants to watch a movie, then she can. It's her birthday. " I said in my most compromising tone. Bella was triumphant.

"So there." she added, and I fully expected her to stick her tongue out at Alice, which, under the current circumstances would not have been good. My sister could be just as stubborn as Bella when she put her mind to it. If it got to that point, we'd be here all day.

"I'll bring her over around seven," I continued, earning a narrowed eyed glare of my own from Bella. "That will give you more time to set up."

_Oh! Great idea! _Alice thought with wicked satisfaction. _Have I mentioned how much I love you lately?_ I bit back a smile.

"Sounds good." Alice laughed. "See you tonight, Bella! It'll be fun, you'll see." she surprised me by grinning at Bella so wide that she exposed all of her venom coated, gleaming teeth, something none of us ever did without a good reason behind it, then leaned forward quickly and kissed Bella lightly on the cheek and flitted off to her class before either Bella or I could react.

Frowning slightly, I wondered what was behind the purpose of Alice reminding Bella of her vampiric arsenal like that. Intimidation, maybe? Hm. I'd have to ask her about that later. Quickly smoothing my brow before Bella could notice my consternation, I turned back to her as she looked up at me with a pleading look on her face. Thanks, Alice. I thought sourly.

"Edward, please-" she started to beg, but I cut her off by lightly placing my finger against her lips and staring deeply into her eyes. It was a tactic that I discovered usually worked best to distract her, and it didn't disappoint me now.

"Let's discuss it later," I said. "We're going to be late for class."

It took some fancy maneuvering and some serious dazzling, as Bella would call it, of the female administrators on my part - which I still felt somewhat ridiculous doing - but I had managed to work it out so that Bella and I had almost every class together. Now that I had learned to recognize the uneven pounding of hearts, the scarlet toned blushing, stammering, and the sputtering as reactions that I could use against them, the ladies in the office had no hope of refusing me anything that I wanted. All I had to do was turn on my own somewhat dubious charm, and they were putty in my hands.

A part of me still felt like a cad implementing the tools (I had never used before) that nature had given me to draw in my prey - my eyes, my voice.. and oddly enough, my own specially scented breath - but they worked when I needed them to. And also to my dismay, I realized that when it came to being able to be with Bella, I was never above using them to my advantage. Knowing that I was damned regardless, I found that it was a much easier price, one I was much more willing to pay to spend time with her, than the one she kept trying to insist that I pay. I refused to take her soul.

As we headed for our normal seats together at the rear of the classroom, I realized with some silent satisfaction that people no longer felt the need to stop what they were doing and stare at us as we moved around the campus or in class the way that they had when we first showed up to school together. Even that impossibly arrogant Mike Newton had dropped his outward hostility towards seeing Bella and I together.

I usually tuned out his mind because he did no more than annoy me with the lewd way he thought about every other girl in class, but every once in a while I did catch a mean streak to his thoughts aimed at me. I just wanted to break him in half. Sometimes I wondered if he suspected I had an idea what he was thinking because he was pretty quick to smother it out and smile at us when we walked past him in class, and busied himself with his books or talking to Ben, who sat next to him on his right side. Even though he seemed to be making an effort to get along with me for Bella's sake, I could do nothing more for him than to refrain from entertaining thoughts of how good it would feel to throw him bodily through the classroom windows.

I knew I never could get away it, although I didn't think it would do any _permanent _damage if I did attempt it. It was better not to give in to those fantasies.

The day wore on, impossibly dull, but I made sure that I didn't bring up the subject of Bella's birthday party again.. hoping to lull her into thinking that she had sweet talked her way out of it. As far as I was concerned, her birth was something to celebrate, but she just didn't see it that way. She couldn't seem to get past the fact that while I was frozen forever at seventeen, she was now eighteen years old - the normal human progression of life.

Change didn't come easy to vampires, once we were made so, but when it did, it was epic and permanent. That was the reason that I knew that I would forever feel the same amount of love for Bella in sixty years as I did now. That love, once roused within me, was as permanent as my forever thirst for blood. One day I would prove it to her.

As school ended and the day drew to a close, I walked Bella out to her truck, as was our normal routine. Today, however, I made it a point to silently walk over to the passenger side of the truck to open that door for her instead. Instantly, she eyed me with suspicion and stopped in her tracks, looking around for Alice and my Volvo. I stood motionless and waiting. When she didn't see them, she made a show of crossing her arms over her chest and glaring at me, refusing to budge and getting soaked in the ever present Washington rainfall.

"It's my birthday. Don't I get to drive?" she demanded.

In total innocence I replied, "I'm pretending it's not your birthday, just like you wished."

"If it's not my birthday, then I don't have to go to your house tonight..."

"All right." Two could play that game. I calmly shut the door and walked around to open the driver's side door. "Happy birthday." One of these days, she would realize that she could not win with me.

"Shhh," she complained, almost under her breath. I could see that she was upset that I hadn't taken her previous offer as she climbed in the driver's side door.

I fiddled around with the radio a bit as she drove, trying in vain to tune in a clear station. In my opinion, they didn't play anything decent on the radio anymore, but I would take what I could find. There was nothing but static coming from her speakers, however, and it reminded me of one of her birthday gifts she would be receiving tonight. I decided to set the stage to put her in a more receptive mood for the gift when she opened it.

"Your radio has horrible reception." It didn't have the desired effect. She hated it when I picked on her old truck. Why she loved this thing, I would never know, but she flat out refused to let me buy her something new, fast, and above all, reliable.

Stubborn. Great descriptor for my Bella.

"You want a nice stereo? Drive your own car."

Grouchy. Now there was an even better word.

In addition to the snappish tone of her voice, I could hear the anxiety as well, and I knew it was because of the party tonight, so I kept the shock off my face and resisted smiling only with great effort. Very rarely did she get upset with me, but when she did, I was reminded of a fluffy, hissing kitten, too small and cute to be scared of, but so sure of its own ferocity. Smiling at her when she hissed like this would only puff out her hair further. That image alone almost did me in.

She pulled up in front of her house and shut the truck off, and I decided it was time to take matters into my own hands. Today was her day to be happy, and by God or the Devil, I was going to attempt to do something to change her mood.

Yep. There came the flames, right on cue.

Very carefully, reminding myself every second of how fragile she was, I gently reached over to cup her face in my hands, surprised, as usual, that she didn't react to the hardness and cold temperature of my skin. Softly, I pressed the tips of my fingers to her temples, her cheekbones and her jawline. I took a deep, careful breath, the venom went awash in my mouth, and I felt my entire body constrict with the pain of how close I was to her. I made a great effort to fight and beat down the monster that raged inside my head as he demanded to taste her sweet blood. As I very rarely made such a deliberate move to get this close to her, I had her immediate attention.

She blinked slowly and froze completely, her mouth slightly open, barely breathing.

Oh, this was going to hurt. And I liked it.

Too much.

Leaning forward within inches of her lips, I whispered, "You should be in a good mood, today of all days," making sure that I carefully feathered my breath, a scent I knew she found irresistible, across her face. It worked perfectly. Her heartbeat stuttered, stopped, picked back up again, and suddenly, she was finding it hard to breathe.

Success, I thought, triumphant.

"And if I don't want to be in a good mood?" she whispered back, still struggling to breathe normally. I decided to play my trump card, knowing she couldn't resist when I looked deep into her eyes, allowing all of the emotions and all of the love I was feeling to show there. Even though I knew I shouldn't, I felt rather cocky when I heard her breathing stop.

"Too bad."

I leaned in and pressed my cold, hard lips to her incredibly warm, soft mouth. Ouch.

My entire body ignited with the thirst, and it felt as if I was scorched alive and left as nothing but charred bones, but it was a pain I would forever endure to be able to experience the rest of the feelings that kissing Bella evoked within me. Things that I never thought I would or even could feel, and didn't recognize at first when I finally did. I wasn't sure anymore if they were flames resulting from my always present thirst for her blood, or if they were fanned from my newly discovered desire for her body.

Several months ago, back when I had first realized that I was having these strange and exciting new feelings, I wasn't totally sure what they meant, and was rather confused by the whole thing. I had a vague idea, of course, since I live with three other couples that were very lovingly physical and quite happy to share information with me, but I was hesitant to come straight out and ask any of them, afraid of getting laughed at for not understanding what was happening to me.

I knew that I couldn't ask Emmett, because even though he was my favorite sibling, I was entirely too worried about hearing him laugh at me for asking, and I was positive that he would. He and Rose shared a very physical relationship-sometimes I could hardly stand to be around them because of it-and he already gave me considerable grief because Bella and I weren't able to go beyond basic platonic touching and some light kissing, thanks to my thirst for her. After a couple of days considering it, I decided to ask Jasper for his advice.

"Jasper, uh... mind if I talk to you for a minute?" I asked him as he sat out on the back patio reading a book.

Setting the book down and looking up at me with curiosity in his golden eyes, he smiled at me hesitantly. I didn't often seek Jasper out. It wasn't that I didn't like him, it was just that he was so quiet, he made me uncomfortable at times. He usually kept to himself if he wasn't with Alice. I wasn't sure how to handle being around him.

Sure, Edward, _surprise at having me address him privately coloring his mental tone. _I'm just sitting here refreshing my memory on the works of Shakespeare. It's been a long time since I've picked up the book. _he chuckled to himself._

Curious about why reading Shakespeare had caused the laugh, I slipped into his mind to see if I could figure it out. I saw a quick memory of him reading the same book he was reading now, looking up in surprise and setting it down an instant before Alice hurled herself at him. She was newly home from a hunting trip with Rose and Esme and anxious to-

I skipped quickly out of his head at that point, seriously not needing those images-of my sister no less-in my head at the same moment I was intending to ask him about how those moments felt.

What did you need?_ He asked me silently. It had been his way, from the moment he knew that I could hear his thoughts, to address me silently, usually preferring to think his side of the conversation with me. Neither I, nor any of the other members of my family, including Alice, were able to figure out why this was the case. Since Jasper tended to be very quiet and unassuming anyway, I just figured it was a facet of who he was._

Feeling rather embarrassed and very awkward, I sat down on the opposite end of the bench seat he occupied. His eyebrows went up, and an amused, lopsided smile touched his mouth as I felt him reach out with his special 'sense' to test the emotion surrounding me. I swore softly under my breath, and that made him laugh out loud. So much for Jasper not laughing at me.

C'mon, Edward. Out with it. I can feel your embarrassment, but what do you want to talk to me about? You're never like this._ His mental tone was amused, and I cursed again. _

Damn.

"OK, Jasper, I wanted to ask you about... human... feelings." I started, haltingly.

Jasper stared at me for a moment, not sure what I was talking about. Frustrated, I stared back, willing him to get it without me having to say anything more out loud and totally make a fool of myself. As I watched him, I slipped into his head again, hoping to see how far off he was from being on the same page I was. He wasn't even close. He was trying to remember what 'human feelings' were like. He wasn't really even sure what I meant by that.

I took a deep breath, realizing I'd have to give him a little more to work with, if I was ever going to be able to end this conversation with some dignity intact.

"Um... human feelings, or rather... human type feelings...I guess you'd call them... about... uh... well... Bella." I tried again, almost stumbling over the words in my effort to get them out. I swore that if it had been possible for me to blush, my face would have been as bright red as Bella's turned whenever I touched her or looked too deeply into her eyes.

A crease appeared in Jasper's forehead as he considered what I had said. I waited him out. I didn't want to have paint him a damn picture about what I was talking about. I refrained from trespassing into his mind again, unwilling to get even more frustrated than I already was. I felt him sample my mood again, and I clenched my teeth, knowing what he would feel.

_He pursed his lips, combining my words with what he felt of my mood, and when it finally hit him, I almost heard the audible '_thump' _in his head as all the pieces fell instantly into place for him. His eyes flashed up to mine, wider now, and I could tell he was fighting to keep a grin off his face. I grimaced at him._

"Now you know why I came to ask you about it, as opposed to Emmett." I growled, threatening him-almost daring him-to laugh at me.

To his credit, he composed himself almost instantly. "You'll have to forgive me, Edward," he surprised me by speaking aloud, instead of thinking his apology. "I haven't felt those type of... human... feelings in so long, I wasn't understanding what you meant by that at first." His voice, soft with it's southern accent, was heavy with an amused under current as he spoke. "I mean... I've felt the feelings you're talking about, just not in the same... new... way that you're feeling them."

I think I'm on the same page now though,_ he thought, slipping back into his normal mode of communication. _You are feeling... physical urges... for Bella that you have never felt before, am I right?_ He asked the question with both his eyes and his mind, and I nodded helplessly, glad that he had figured it out, and then gone silent on me again, so that I wouldn't have to speak and betray myself as being an idiot any worse than I already had._

_Jasper gathered his thoughts. _I haven't felt those type of feelings for anyone but Alice,_ he paused for a second, trying to remember if what he was telling me was completely true as he searched his memories for anyone else he might have felt an affinity for. _I had women, sure, a few worth remembering, but none of them made me feel the way she does.

_I sat quietly, watching as his memories played out in his mind. Since he knew I was in there, had invited me in with the way he'd chosen to communicate with me, I didn't feel as although I was intruding on his privacy. It was a little awkward for me a few times though when he remembered trysts that he'd had with a few woman._

Yeah, I'd have been blushing, alright.

These are the type of... feelings... you're having for Bella, correct?_ He asked, seeming surprised. I nodded. A perfect image of Bella appeared in his mind then, and I was lost, as I always was, in her soft brown eyes as he remembered her smiling at him once. Then I felt him sample my mood after seeing her face in his mind, and knowing what he felt, and that he'd done that on purpose, I raised an eyebrow at him. He smiled._

There is nothing you need to worry about, _he assured me with a nod._ It's perfectly normal to be feeling these things. She is a woman, after all, and you are a man. It's all quite natural, as you know. She has just finally awakened the appetites within you that should have been touched decades ago, perhaps even back when you were still human yourself. So now, as a vampire, you are feeling them stronger than you would have normally._ He stopped again, giving me a moment to think about what he said._

Carlisle believes that _e_verything about what we are as humans is intensified with the change into becoming a vampire. I agree with him. It's only right that those impulses do as well. _He stopped and searched my face with his darkened golden gaze, curiosity rampant within the look. _I must admit that I am rather surprised that you feel them so strongly for such a frail human girl. You could quite easily crush her, you know. _I winced._

_He shrugged, unconcerned. _But, to each their own, I suppose. _His eyes narrowed suddenly, and amusement colored his thoughts once more as he imagined Bella and I in a quite detailed embrace like he and Alice had probably shared. Shocked, I jumped to my feet immediately... totally mortified._

"Jasper!" I barked in horrified surprise. He flinched, but chuckled, shaking his head.

"You'll be fine, Edward. Just take it as it comes." He said aloud, still shaking with laughter as I fumed, stalking huffily away from him. "Just be very careful how you choose to experiment." he called after me, compounding my disgrace. "You don't want to end up... breaking... her." and he winked.

I'd gotten much better over the last several months in controlling both types of fire that consumed me whenever I was around her, especially when I allowed myself the rare luxury of kissing her. The thirst for her blood would never go away, and because of that, and I must always have a firm hold on myself when the much different thirst for her body tried to take control. I could never lose control in that way, because if I did, it would mean certain death for this 'frail human girl' that I loved more than my own existence. The blood lust would always win in the end.

Oh hell. It was so unfair.

Her reaction to my kiss was always the same, and it never ceased to surprise us both. Even though I was pretty sure that deep down she knew exactly how dangerous it was for her to be so close to me, and how hard I had to work at retaining my calm, she always lost control and ended up throwing herself at me. It never failed to cause me to have to back up and get a better grip on myself for a moment, douse both the flames, before I did something that I would instantly regret.

This time it was no different. A part of me always felt a little smug when it happened, and my pride swelled up to such huge proportions, I was sure that even Rose would have been impressed with my conceit. Even though I had so little experience with such things, I was thrilled that I was able to cause such a strong reaction in her, despite the fact that the logical part of me got angry with myself for tempting fate and giving in to the desire to kiss her to start with.

Bella's hands came up to wrap her arms around my neck, and before I knew what was happening, she was practically in my lap, kissing me with enough force to ignite those baser passions recently awakened within me. My own breathing spiked, and for an instant, I froze, knowing if I didn't, it would quickly spin out of my control.

Despite the immediate danger looming, I couldn't help but smile as I released my careful hold on her face and reached back to unlock her arms, very carefully, from around my neck.

"Be good, please," I rasped, breathing heavily against her cheek, trying desperately to calm myself. I managed one more soft kiss to her lips before I sat back and gently folded her arms across her stomach, and pulled away from her. Her heart rate was now soaring, much like mine felt like it should have been, and I could see the pulse of sweet blood beating erratically at the base of her beautiful neck. She put one hand over her chest as she tried to regather her scattered wits.

I liked that.

A lot.

"Do you think that I'll ever get better at this?" she asked aloud, mostly to herself, I presumed. "That my heart might someday stop trying to jump out of my chest whenever you touch me?

"I really hope not." I replied, firmly under control again, and hearing all of my conceited feelings from earlier coming out in my tone. I grinned a little when she rolled her eyes.

"Let's go watch the Capulets and Montagues hack each other up, all right?"

I spread my arms open, palms up. "Your wish, my command."

Spreading out comfortably on the couch, I waited for Bella to get the movie started. I felt pretty comfortable in the house now. Charlie seemed to have gotten over most of his animosity towards me over what he thought had happened in Phoenix several months ago. There was no way that we would ever be able to come clean and tell him the truth about the murderous nomadic vampire, James, who, in order to get at me, had attempted to kill Bella in her own hometown ballet studio. Although I knew it bothered her to have to keep living that lie for Charlie's sake, lying was something I had gotten very used to, and I had become very good at doing it.

Remembering that particular incident never failed to set my teeth to grinding. If there was any bad luck floating around within fifty miles of Bella, it was sure to find her. Her previous track record proved that. Not only did she pick a town inhabited by vampires, she picked the town inhabited by the one vampire to whom her blood was sweeter than all others... me. To top it all off, she fell in love with that same vampire, (me) and he with her. (because I am, apparently, a glutton for punishment.) Then, because of all of that, she attracted the attention of another vampire, James, who, because of her love for the first vampire, was dead set on killing her. And almost succeeded.

I struggled not to growl in frustration and remain outwardly calm as I pondered our recent history. Good Lord I hope it was easier from here on out. Our relationship, such as it was, had certainly gotten off to one hell of a rocky start.

Bella came over to sit on the edge of the sofa in front of me. Obviously trying to be good now, and not sit too close, I knew that a part of her mind was always unconsciously aware that any wrong move on her part might suddenly break the tenuous control over my always present thirst for her.

_Always aware,_ I silently amended, _except when I kissed her._ I couldn't help but gloat a little on the inside.

Even though a part of me still thought better of it, I was selfishly unhappy with the idea of her sitting so far away from me, so I grabbed her gently around the waist and pulled her down on the sofa next to me, basically in my lap. Swiftly reaching behind my head, so fast that human eyes couldn't have tracked the movement, I snagged an old afghan from the back of the couch to drape over her so that she wouldn't freeze from being next to my much lower body temperature.

Carefully inhaling her wonderful scent, letting my throat get used to again the more potent throb of her being so close, I caught myself watching the movie for a moment and was annoyed, as I usually was, with Romeo and his stupidity.

_His stupidity is probably,_ I thought disgustedly, _much like my own for falling in love with Bella._ Stubbornly, I pushed that thought aside and returned my attention to the film..

"You know, I've never had much patience with Romeo," I couldn't help but say out loud as the movie continued. I felt her surprise at my random words in the sudden tense of her body. I couldn't be positive without knowing her mind, but it almost felt like I'd offended her in some way. Interesting.

"What's wrong with Romeo?" she asked sharply. Oh yes, I'd offended her. I almost grinned. It seemed that I was getting very good at reading her body language. That helped, since I still couldn't get inside her head. She sounded as if I'd insulted a friend of hers.. much the way she reacted whenever I spoke negatively about her detestable school friend, Mike Newton. Thinking about him didn't bode well for a continuing good mood on my part, so I rushed to answer her question before I became too irritated.

"Well, first of all, he's in love with this Rosaline-don't you think that makes him a little fickle? And then, a few minutes after their wedding, he kills Juliet's cousin. That's not very brilliant." I snorted, recalling the story. Romeo was every sort of cad. How could Bella like him? "Mistake after mistake. Could he have destroyed his own happiness anymore thoroughly?"

I could see that she thought about fighting me on this point, but then decided against it and sighed, resigned. "Do you want me to watch this alone?"

I reached out to run my fingers along her arm, watching the flesh chill and raise the hair on her arms after my touch. "No, I'll mostly be watching you, anyway." That was something I never tired of. I even watched her sleep. I couldn't get enough of looking at her. I didn't think that I ever would. Suddenly, a random thought occurred. "Will you cry?" I asked, curious. I couldn't remember seeing her cry before.

"Probably, if I'm paying attention." she admitted.

I couldn't resist and kissed the hair near her temple. "I won't distract you then."

We settled in to watch the movie, and as it progressed, I took great delight in hearing her heart and breathing react to my whispering Romeo's lines in Bella's ear as he said them, noting that when I did, she seemed to pay more attention to me, than to Romeo. I had to sternly work to keep the smile off my face when Bella did indeed cry when Juliet woke up to find her husband dead, but I couldn't keep the tremors from my chuckles from giving my silent laughter away.

I dried her tears with a lock of her thick, fragrant, mahogany hair. "I'll admit, I do sort of envy him here," I mentioned without thinking. She looked up at me with red rimmed eyes.

"She's very pretty."

I snorted in disgust. Juliet paled in comparison to Bella, in my opinion, but trust her to misread my meaning. "I don't envy him the girl-just the suicide," I joked quietly. "You humans have it so easy! All you have to do is throw down one tiny vial of plants extracts..."

Next to me, Bella tensed up and choked out, "What?"

"It's something I had to think about once, and I knew from Carlisle's experience that it wouldn't be simple. I'm not even sure how many ways that Carlisle tried to kill himself in the beginning... after he'd realized what he'd become..." I recalled Carlisle's recounting of those days, when he'd told us all the story of the ways he had tried to die. Those were days I tried not to think about. Life, if that is what we had, was so much easier now that we had all accepted what we were. I realized that my face had gone dark and moody, and I struggled to lighten the tone of our conversation. "And he's clearly in excellent health."

Bella twisted in my arms so that she could look me in the eye. "What are you talking about?" she asked furiously. "What do you mean, this is something you had to think about once?"

"Last spring, when you were... nearly killed..." I had to stop to take a deep, steadying breath. The memory of that day was as painful now as it was the moment that I realized that James had managed to trick Bella into coming to him, and was probably in that instant, killing her. As I'd raced to the studio, my mind had plotted and discarded a hundred possibilities - different ways to die - in case I wasn't able to get to her in time. I wasn't ready to continue my existence in a world without her in it. "Of course, I was trying to focus on finding you alive, but part of my mind was already making contingency plans. Like I said, it's not as easy for me as it is for a human."

I watched as she absently stroked the half moon shaped scar on the inside of her hand, knowing that as she did so, she was also remembering that fateful day when I'd almost failed her. Failed at protecting her - something I'd promised her I would always do - and she had almost become James' prey. Suddenly, she seemed to bring herself back to the present, and with a shake of her head, brought her eyes back up to mine, a slightly queasy look on her face.

"Contingency plans?" she repeated. I rolled my eyes.

"Well, I wasn't going to live without you," I stated, very matter of fact. Hadn't I told her that many times in the past? That life wasn't worth living if she was no longer a part of it?

"But I wasn't sure how to do it-I knew Emmett and Jasper would never help... so I was thinking that maybe I would go to Italy and provoke the Volturi." In my minds eye I could see myself walking down those dark, marble hallways, possibly to my death. With her sitting next to me, my arms wrapped around her, it was a lot less pleasant of an idea then it had seemed when I thought I might have been too late to save her.

"What is a _Volturi_?" Bella demanded, suddenly furious with me.

"The Volturi are a family," I said, still seeing them in my mind, sitting on their throne-like chairs, passing judgement on the vampire wicked. "A very old, very powerful family of our kind. They are the closest thing that our world has to a royal family, I suppose. Carlisle lived with them briefly in his early years, in Italy, before he settled in America-do you remember the story?"

The very first time I'd brought Bell with me to meet my adopted family, I had shown her Carlisle's office, where he kept his collection of artifacts he'd gathered over the years, mostly paintings from different times in his past. He had one whole wall of them, and the largest canvas was one of his time spent in Italy. It depicted Carlisle with the very family of vampires I had just been telling Bella about, the Volturi.. although I don't think I'd given her that name back then.. I just mentioned them all in the portrait by name- Aro, Caius and Marcus.. along with Carlisle.. who hadn't changed a bit, and would never change, from when that painting was rendered, many centuries ago.

"Of course I remember." she spat, and I could tell that she was still upset with me for plotting my own death.

"Anyway, you don't irritate the Volturi, " I went on, pulling myself out of my memories, struggling to sound bored with the story. "Not unless you want to die- or whatever it is we do." Suddenly, Bella took my face in her hands, squeezing me tightly, and stared deep into my eyes. She always accused me of 'dazzling' her when I stared at her like that, but she was frequently guilty of doing the same to me. It was an amazing feeling.

"You must never, never, _never _think of anything like that again," she said. "No matter what ever might happen to me, you are not allowed to hurt yourself!"

"I'll never put you in danger again, so it's a moot point."

I'd thought that my statement would end the discussion, but it seemed like all it did was anger her further. "Put me in danger! I thought we'd established that all the bad luck is my fault!" She spat, incensed. "How could you even think like that?" Honestly, I couldn't argue with that bit about the luck, so I kept my mouth shut. But, there was one point I was going to drive home.

"What would you do if the situation were reversed?" I asked, unconcerned.

"That's not the same thing."

I couldn't help but laugh. I didn't understand what she was so upset about. If I died, or ceased to exist, then, the world wouldn't be any worse off. Technically, I wasn't even sure that I would go anywhere if I were to leave. Carlisle talked about Heaven and Hell, and I believed that they existed, but I wasn't sure that we belonged either place. Or that we as a species, were subject to them.

"What if something did happen to you?" she demanded, paling a little with the idea. "Would you want me to go and off myself?"

Again, the very idea of this world without Bella in it hit me like a physical pain, like someone had punched a hole through my chest... and suddenly, I could see her point of view.

"I guess I can see your point... a little, " I admitted. "But what would I do without you?"

"Whatever you were doing before I came along and complicated your existence." she stated, matter-of-fact.

I sighed. "You make that sound so easy." As if I could pretend that way. I was forever changed from knowing Bella. Nothing would ever be the same again.

"It should be. I'm not really that interesting."

I opened my mouth to argue with her further, and then I caught the edge of Charlie's vague thoughts, realizing that as I argued with Bella over my mortality, he had been on his way home.

"Moot point," I stated again, and then quickly pulled myself upright and shifted Bella into a more parental appropriate position at my side, sitting next to me on the sofa. Startled, but quickly understanding, she glanced at the door.

"Charlie?" she guessed. I smiled, and at that moment we both heard the crunch of the police cruiser's tires on the gravel driveway. She reached out and took my hand, holding it tightly in hers, the look on her face clearly saying that Charlie would have to deal with that small amount of contact between us.

I smelled the pizza long before Charlie walked in with the box. It still amazed me that humans could eat that stuff. I had very little human memory left of when I used to enjoy eating regular food - animal blood had been my diet for entirely too long now - but I don't think that as a human, that I would be able to appreciate some of the things that they seemed to enjoy immensely. It took everything I had not to wrinkle my nose at the strong scent of tomatoes, cheese, bread, grease and various herbs coming from the cardboard box.

"Hey, kids." Charlie smiled at Bella, ignoring me, as was his usual reaction to my presence lately. He tolerated me, but only just barely. Knowing that he didn't particularly care for me, I tried to stay out of his head as much as possible. I didn't really want to know how he truly felt about me. Ignorance could indeed be bliss. "I thought you'd like a break from cooking and washing dishes for your birthday. Hungry?" Ah. Perfect opening for what I was planning to ask him. I'd let Bella eat before I ruined her appetite.

"Sure. Thanks, Dad."

I passed on eating dinner with them, as I always did. Charlie made no comment, having grown accustomed to my not eating with them. I wondered sometimes if he ever thought about that, since I couldn't seem to get into his head much better than I was able to get into his daughters silent mind. I figured that it must be from his genes where Bella had picked up the ability to block me out. When I'd met her Mother briefly during Bella's stay in the hospital last spring, her mind was an open book, slightly child-like and scattered in it's quality, but very accessible. I could suddenly see where Bella's maturity had come from. One of them needed to be the responsible adult, and Renee' certainly wasn't qualified, no matter how much she loved her daughter.

I could hear Charlie, but not clearly- his mental voice was muffled and foggy, and it was more or less just his strong feelings I picked up on, with no real clarity or wording to go along with them. It was a relief that I could hear him at all after meeting Bella. She was the first person I'd ever met that I couldn't hear their thoughts, and even after all the time I'd spent with her, it was still as unnerving and frustrating as it was the first time I'd seen her and found silence were her thoughts should have been. I'd started to think that I was losing this odd gift of mine.. and with it, my reason for existing, for if I couldn't be the early warning system to my adopted vampire family, what good was I?

Ah, they were finishing up dinner. Good. Now it was time to see where Charlie stood when it came to birthdays. I listened carefully to his thoughts as he finished up his meal, and aside from feeling full and content, I caught the leading edge of looking forward to a baseball game on television tonight. Excellent. It was all I could do to keep from rubbing my hands together, cackling maniacally, and twirling an invisible moustache.

Wow. I seriously needed to stop watching modern television.

"Do you mind if I borrow Bella for the evening?" I asked Charlie when he pushed his seat away from the table. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the panic flash on Bella's face as she looked hurriedly towards Charlie, the hope that he would save her written on every line of her face. I couldn't help but feel a little victorious, having already heard his reply in his thoughts.

"That's fine - the Mariners are playing the Sox tonight," Charlie replied. I saw the hope crumble on Bella's face. "So, I won't be any kind of company... Here." I tensed as he scooped up the camera that Renee' had insisted Charlie buy for Bella's scrapbook present, knowing what he was about to do, and watched as he tried to toss it to Bella. It seemed to me that if anyone should know better than to throw anything to Bella, it should have been her father. I saw her reach for it, entirely too slowly to catch it, and as it glanced off her finger and plummeted towards the floor, I reached quickly out to snatch it before it could hit the ground.

"Nice save," Charlie mentioned in passing. I was surprised he'd even bothered. "If they're doing something fun at the Cullen's tonight, Bella, you should take some pictures. You know how your mother gets - she'll be wanting to see the pictures faster than you can take them."

"Good idea, Charlie," I said as I handed Bella her camera. She turned the camera on me and immediately snapped a photo. I raised an eyebrow at her.

"It works."

"That's good. Hey, say hi to Alice for me. She hasn't been over in a while." Charlie frowned. I was happy that at least he seemed to like one member of my family. I could read the feelings of gratitude he directed towards Alice easily enough... he'd been very happy to have someone to help Bella out while she was recovering from her encounter with James last Spring. The thought of him having to help her out while she showered caused him to shudder, and caused my blood to race... but for a whole different reason. I felt as if I would never get used to these new, raw, surprisingly human feelings I was having.

"It's only been three days, Dad." Bella reminded him, pulling me from my random, surprising thoughts of Bella showering. I was suddenly very grateful to Alice for my own selfish reasons. She was a good diversion for my thoughts. "I'll tell her."

"Okay. You kids have fun tonight." He was clearly telling us that we were free to go and he was ready to watch his flat screen. In fact, he was already edging towards the living room. I smiled. Grouchily, she went upstairs to change clothes, while I plopped down on the couch to be ignored by Charlie until she came back downstairs. When I heard her coming back down the stairs, I stood quickly to wait for her. It was actually probably too quickly, because out of the corner of my eye, I saw Charlie flinch. Throwing an apologetic smile at him, I took Bella's hand and led her gently outside.

When we got out to the truck, I took a chance and opened the passenger side door for her again, and this time, she got in without complaint. I knew that even though she didn't like to let me drive her decrepit old truck, she also wasn't very sure of where the turn off to my house was in the dark.

As I drove north through the middle of Forks, I attempted to push the old Chevy passed it's usual fifty-five mile an hour speed limit, hearing the ancient engine groan in complaint as I did so. I gritted my teeth, wishing, as I always did when I drove this truck, that Bella would let me buy her something new.

"Take it easy," she warned me, not appreciating the way I pushed her truck's internal speed limit.

"You know what you would love?" I muttered, half to myself, and half to her - as if she would listen. "A nice little Audi coupe. Very quiet, lots of power..."

"There's nothing wrong with my truck." she grouched. "And speaking of expensive nonessentials, if you know what's good for you, you didn't spend any money on birthday presents."

"Not a dime." I said so innocently that if I'd have been able to, I'm sure I would have suddenly sprouted wings and a halo. It seemed to mollify her for the moment.

"Good."

"Can you do me a favor?" I asked, hoping to catch her off guard. I should have known better. She was way too keyed up about this party to be caught out.

"That depends on what it is."

Her suspicious tone when she replied did nothing to encourage me that it was even possible to change her mood. How could someone so small and fragile be so bloody stubborn? I sighed. "Bella, the last real birthday any of us had was Emmett in 1935. Cut us a little slack, and don't be too difficult tonight. They're all very excited."

I watched the emotions playing across her lovely face as she absorbed what I had said. It was a good thing that I still had the ability to throw her by saying things like that. It never hurt to remind her on occasion that I was not a normal high school boy, and I never would be. That I was, in fact, a very dangerous one hundred and nine year old vampire that still thirsted insanely for her blood. Her delicious, human blood. The venom flowed.

_OK, Edward. Stop it. What in the hell are you thinking? _I asked myself, appalled at the turn my thoughts had taken. I had spent way too much time lately dwelling on these new emotions she'd stirred up inside me. The lines were starting to blur... and that was not acceptable.

When the shock brought on by what I said wore off, she settled on answering me with a sullen toned, "Fine, I'll behave."

I decided that I might as well get all of the surprises out in the open. "I probably should warn you..."

She looked at me warily. "Please do."

"When I say they're all excited... I do mean _all _of them." I looked at her significantly. Bella gasped.

"Everyone? I thought Emmett and Rosalie were in Africa."

"Emmett wanted to be here." My older adopted brother liked Bella very much. Her clumsiness made him laugh, and although his constant ribbing me about my relationship with her - or lack thereof to his mind - sometimes set my teeth grinding, I truly couldn't be mad at him for it. He was easily the happiest, most easy going person I had any memory of meeting, either in my previous human life or my current existence. Although he never understood my preoccupation with her, he had laughingly supported me in my pursuit of her from day one. It had done a lot to strengthen the brotherly bond that I had already felt for him.

Rosalie, on the other hand, I could barely tolerate. I didn't care for her much when she was human, and I damn sure didn't like her as a vampire... especially now, because her shallow, spiteful, jealousy made her show her dislike of Bella at every given opportunity. She basically treated Bella like an outsider that was unwelcome in our lives, and that did not make me feel very charitable towards her. She could have stayed in Africa as far as I was concerned.

"But... Rosalie?" Bella began, worry saturating every syllable. If I didn't know better, I'd have sworn she was the mind reader.

"I know, Bella. Don't worry, she'll be on her best behavior." I promised her. _For Rose's sake, she'd better be, _I fumed silently. It bothered me that Bella was so uncomfortable around Rose. It made the already tense situation between Rose and I almost explosive. Anything that upset Bella, upset me, and Rose upset Bella just by being in the same room with her. At least Emmett would be there tonight... I knew Bella liked him, even if he did go out of his way to make her blush. With him there was a buffer between the two of them, it would hopefully calm some of her fears about Rosalie's too obvious dislike of her.

It was time for a subject change. "So, if you won't let me get you the Audi, isn't there anything that you'd like for your birthday?" I asked, hoping to distract her from brooding about the coming encounter with Rosalie.

If I didn't have better than human hearing, I wouldn't have heard her whispered answer. "You know what I want."

Wonderful. This again. Ugh.

I fought helplessly against the instant anger I felt carving my face into stone. So much for a safer subject. I'd just leaped from the frying pan directly into my own personal Hell. It felt like I'd been spending far too much time tripping along the edge of that pan these last few days... today especially. I was getting very tired of it.

"Not tonight, Bella. Please."

"Well, maybe Alice will give me what I want," she pouted.

The deep growl that rumbled in my chest burst forth before I even had a thought to stop it. "This isn't going to be your last birthday, Bella," I viciously promised her. _Not if I have anything to do with it, it won't,_ I added in a silent aside to myself. Alice would have another think coming if she thought for a minute she would be able to get by me on this one.

"That's not fair!" she wailed and I felt my teeth snap together.

I fought to calm myself as we pulled up in front of my brilliantly lit house. We had this argument so often over the last few weeks, you'd have thought I would have become used to it. But, I hadn't, and I never would. The idea of changing Bella into a vampire was something I would fight until the day I drew my own last unnecessary breath.

"This is a party," I reminded her, breathing deeply, attempting to not snap the words out at her. "Try to be a good sport."

"Sure." she said, sounding less than thrilled with me, as was usual, after we had this discussion.

I quickly shut off the truck and was out of the door and around to her side of the truck before she had time to unsnap her seat belt, reaching out a hand to assist her to the ground.

"I have a question," she suddenly announced. I waited warily, counting to ten, wondering what she would come up with this time. Her silent mind worked in the strangest ways, and I never knew what to expect from a statement like that.

"If I develop this film," she said, playing with her camera. I'd forgotten she'd even brought it. "Will you show up in the picture?"

_What the-?_

Out of all the possible questions she could have asked me, that was the very last thing I expected... and most definitely not one of them. I busted out laughing, unable to stop myself as I helped her from the truck and walked her up the stairs and pulled the door open for her. There was one thing I could always count on with Bella - she would always be the one person who could catch me off guard.

I could hear the thoughts of my entire family as they waited in the living room, situated strategically so as not to frighten Bella with their immediate nearness. Although they knew that by now she was fairly comfortable being in our home, they still took subtle measures to not press her. And then there was Jasper who took the 'not press her' idea to extremes... preferring to stay as far away from her as he could possibly be without being considered rude. Bella was aware that it was difficult for him to be near her, so I didn't think she took it personally, which was good.

She didn't need to think that two of the seven members of my family didn't like her. One was enough. I was just glad he was content to keep his distance. That gave me a little less to constantly worry about when Bella was around my family. My own thirst was enough. Coupled with Jasper's, it might have been disastrous. I usually made it a point to tune out his thoughts when we were around him... just in case.

Jasper had not been following the 'vegetarian' way of life as long as the rest of us, so her human blood constantly called to him.. almost as strong as it did me. He was much better at being around her now, after their enforced contact in Phoenix last spring when he and Alice had taken her out of Forks to protect her from James, but he was still cautious. It wasn't that it was any worse for him to be around her than it was for me, not by a long shot, but he wasn't in love with her like I was, so he had less reason to leave her alive than I did. He also saw things from a very logical, methodical, military viewpoint, and when he had first discovered that Bella was aware of us as vampires, he was all for quietly killing her in order to promote our continued secrecy.

We battled head to head over that one. Big time. When Jasper realized that I wasn't going to back down and it would come down to a nasty fight between the two of us, he finally let it go - with some reservations. Alice became the deciding factor in that argument, telling Jasper that she "loved Bella, too," (knowing even before I did that I was in love with her,) and if he killed her she would be "very put out with him". He had decided he would just wait and see what Bella did after that, not wanting to hurt Alice.

For the moment, however, Jasper was leaning against the newel post at the base of the staircase, the furthest position available within the room that was actually still _in_ the room. Just the same, I quickly scanned his thoughts to see where his head was. He was mellow, thinking quietly how beautiful Alice looked in her party dress. Good. That was a fine place for his thoughts to be.

As Bella and I walked into view to a loud chorus of "Happy birthday, Bella!", I felt her entire body flush with embarrassed heat, and against my normal careful precautions of keeping a safe physical distance from her, I slipped an arm around her waist, tightening my grip to keep her from bolting back out the way we'd came in. I was getting so good at this.

Looking around the living room at what Alice had done, I was fairly sure that it was worse than even I had imagined, and must have been at least twenty times what Bella expected. What on Earth was that little whirlwind thinking? I swear... the world at large had totally missed out on the exceptional talents of one teeny little party planning socialite when Alice was taken from it.

Every available flat surface was covered with lit pink candles. There were literally dozens of crystal bowls filled with what I was sure was several hundred roses. Next to my piano, she'd set up a table and covered it in a white cloth, set a pink cake on it, and then surrounded it with a small stack of silver foil wrapped gifts in addition to glass plates and more roses. Yes... Alice was never one to do something half way. I pulled Bella close to my side and brushed a kiss on her hair near her temple for encouragement.

Carlisle caught my eye and sent a silent thought my way. _I'm sorry, Edward. I know Bella's not happy about this.. but what could we do? Alice was so excited..._ I shrugged just slightly, letting Carlisle know that it wasn't his fault. Alice could be a bit overwhelming.

Carlisle relaxed a little and stepped forward as Esme lightly hugged Bella and kissed her forehead. It almost hurt to hear in Esme's thoughts how happy she was that Bella was with me. She worried for decades that I would never find someone to love. It didn't matter to her that Bella was a human; as long as I loved her, she was perfect. As Esme pulled back, Carlisle stepped up to put his arm around Bella's shoulders and give her a gentle squeeze.

"Sorry about this, Bella." he whispered loud enough for us all to hear him across the room, "We couldn't reign Alice in." Bella blushed and smiled, but I saw her eyes dart warily to where Emmett and Rose stood just beyond Carlisle. Rose didn't smile at Bella, but she seemed to be trying to make an effort to keep a civil look on her face. I glanced at Emmett and he nodded slightly, letting me know that he had already warned Rosalie to tone it down for the night. I watched as he grinned as wide as he possibly could, and had to smile myself, hearing in his head all the different ways he plotted to make Bella turn red tonight. He really was awful.

"You haven't changed at all," he said with phony disappointment, looking at her critically. "I expected to see some perceptible difference, but here you are, red-faced just like always." He chuckled. Bella blushed and even deeper color, and for a second, yet again, I couldn't help but think how delicious the color looked on her translucent skin. She was so beautiful to look it, it was almost a physical pain worse than the flames that parched my throat when I kissed her.

_Get control, Edward. _I firmly reminded myself.

"Thanks a lot, Emmett," she replied, smiling at him, blushing yet again. He laughed.

"I have to step out for a second," and he winked at Alice. She grinned at him, still excited. I heard him silently tell me that he was going to sneak out to install Bella's birthday gift, and he would be right back. I smiled back. "Don't do anything funny while I'm gone." He directed at Bella as he headed for the door.

Bella laughed this time. "I'll try."

Alice released Jasper's hand and skipped forward from where she had been standing with him by the stairs and smiled a blinding smile at Bella. Jasper smiled as well, glancing at me. I nodded slightly at him, and grinned back, pleased to see that he was completely relaxed in Bella's presence.

"Time to open presents," Alice announced. Gripping Bella's elbow lightly, she pulled her towards the small pile of gifts on the white draped table. I ghosted slowly along behind them, knowing that she needed my closeness for moral support. The ordeal was about to begin in earnest.

Bella put on her best long suffering expression, and allowed Alice to place her by the table.

"Alice, I know I told you I didn't want anything-" She began, but Alice cut her off.

"But I didn't listen," she grinned, completely smug. "Open it." she took Bella's camera from her, and handed her a good sized foil wrapped box.

I knew from Emmett's conspiratorial wink at Alice earlier the box was empty. It was the reason he had stepped out after saying hello to Bella. I had to hide my smile as I caught the blank look on Bella's face as she shook the too-light box. Still confused, she went ahead and opened the wrapping on the gift, and even from looking over the outside of the box, it was obvious that she still had no idea what it was. The little crease forming on her forehead as she frowned, she was even more stumped to find the box totally empty when she opened it. She looked at Alice questioningly.

"Um... thanks."

Rose surprised me by smiling. Jasper started laughing, deciding to let Bella off the hook. "It's a new stereo for your truck," he said, still chuckling. "Emmett's installing it right now so that you can't return it." Alice grinned at him, and then back at Bella.

"Thanks, Jasper, Rosalie," Bella said, suddenly smiling. I knew that she must have been remembering my earlier grouching about the awful radio in her ancient truck. "Thanks, Emmett!" she called more loudly. Emmett's answering belly laugh from outside was impossible not to hear, and we all had to laugh in response. Alice rushed forward with another small gift. It was flat, and square, and I knew exactly what it was. I grinned in anticipation. I had been looking forward myself for her to open this particular gift.

"Open mine and Edward's next," Alice practically squealed, so very excited. I had to agree with her feelings. _She is going to love it, it know it!_ Alice's mental voice was so loud, it was almost as if she was screaming at me. I very nearly winced, but smiled back at Alice. Bella turned and gave me a withering stare.

"You promised. "

_Wait for me!_ Emmett shouted mentally as he came rushing in from outside. Jasper, who had moved closer to get a better view, edged a little closer to make room for Emmett, who came bounding in from outside to push in behind him. "Just in time!" he gushed.

I met Bella's glare with an innocent expression. "I didn't spend a dime." I stated calmly as I reached up to push back a strand of hair from her beautiful face. If it was the last thing I did, I would get her used to being spoiled by me... starting tonight.

Taking a deep breath, Bella turned to Alice with her hands out. "Give it to me," she said with a typical long suffering sigh. Behind me, Emmett cackled happily.

Rolling her eyes at me, Bella turned the little package over in her hands, trying to decide on the best way to open it. Finally sticking her finger in under the edge of the page, she jerked towards herself, trying to rip the tape. The sharper edge of the paper caught her finger, and in her fine, soft skin a paper cut appeared that oozed one small drop of blood.

"Shoot," she muttered, and stopped a second to examine it.

Then all Hell broke loose.

Perhaps because I was the one closest to her, in the same exact instant that Bella said 'shoot', my nose and throat both registered the strong scent of her fresh blood. I immediately and without thinking about it further, stopped breathing.

_Oh damn. Not good. NOT GOOD!_

The very next instant, there was a multitude of chaotic thoughts bursting in my head from all six members of my family, and I frantically sorted through to see if there was any danger to Bella from any of them. Alice suddenly gasped, and I zeroed in on her mind and saw what had caused it.

"No!" I roared, hoping to catch Jasper's attention before he could act on his thought... the same horrific vision that Alice had caught the instant it formed in his head.

In a split second, I lunged at Bella, throwing her backwards as gently as I could being in such

a hurry, and hearing, but not seeing, the dishes fall and break as she crashed into the table. Cake, roses and crystal bowls went flying as she landed heavily amidst them. In the next instant, I turned back as Jasper threw himself bodily into me, snarling with blood lust, trying to get at Bella. The collision our two bodies made sounded like a clap of thunder.

Jasper snapped at me, beyond all reasoning, the aroma of her fresh, sweet blood strong in both of our throats, but only in mine because the heavily scented taste of it filled his mind. His thirst crazed eyes were locked on Bella, and through them I could see her pale, terrified expression, her own wide brown eyes frozen on our struggles. She was sitting in the middle of broken roses and shattered glass, and I could suddenly see there was blood on her everywhere, when there had just been a small drop of it before. I was instantly furious with myself, wondering just how much I had hurt her when I'd thrown her back away from Jasper.

Emmett came up out of nowhere and grabbed Jasper's arms from behind in an iron grip, his mind registering the sweet bloody aroma as well, but more focused and intent on dealing with Jasper than on the thirst the scent created in him. Jasper continued to snarl and struggle, his eyes centered on Bella, insane with the desire for her blood. He snarled and gnashed his razor sharp teeth, but was unable to escape Emmett's vise-like hold on his arms.


	2. Stitches

**This fiction is an EPOV of New Moon - written very much in the style of Midnight Sun. As such, I have re-purposed the dialog from the book whenever Edward and his family are with Bella. But the thoughts, feelings and the story line of Edward and his family away from Bella have been created by me.**

**That being said, ALL of the Characterizations all belong to S. Meyer - with absolutely NO copyright infringement intended whatsoever, and this story is meant purely for entertainment purposes only.**

2. Stitches

_I'll handle this, Edward._

Centuries in the emergency room made Carlisle the one I counted on to save the situation. With his usual unshakable calm, he smoothly took control.

"Emmett, Rose, get Jasper outside." He ordered, his quiet voice full of command.

Frowning with concentration, Emmett nodded curtly. "Come on, Jasper." _I'll take care of him, Edward. Sorry about this._ He thought as he got a fresh grip on Jasper's arms. Jasper twisted and struggled, his teeth bared, still snapping and growling, his thoughts an incoherent whirling mix of blood, death and destruction.

With Jasper under control for the moment, I whirled and crouched with my back to Bella, to protect her from anyone else that might make a move towards her. In their minds, I could see my own whitened, fierce, growling expression from six different view points, and I was catching the scent memory from all of them, despite the fact that I had quit breathing the second I realized that she had cut herself. It almost set my entire body on fire with the wanting of it, but I furiously blocked it from my thoughts. Even though it was my own very much loved family standing in front of me, I couldn't quite stop the low growl of warning that escaped my locked teeth and I stayed alertly on the defense, waiting to see what would happen next.

Rose, whose smug face made me want to leap across the small space between us and rip her head off, stepped in front of Jasper, cautiously avoiding his gleaming, snapping teeth and got a grip on him to help Emmett drag him from the room through the back glass door Esme was holding open, one hand over her nose and mouth to avoid smelling the blood.

_This is what happens when you fall for a human. I hope you're happy, Edward. _were Rose's snide thoughts as she left the room. I'd never actually hated Rosalie before, but I did in that moment. I would definitely need to calm down before going anywhere near her again.

I locked eyes with Esme, the heartsick look on her face made it clear how she felt about what happened even before I heard the sorrowful timbre of her thoughts. _Oh Edward. Please don't hate Jasper for this. It wasn't his fault. He hasn't been away from human blood that long. You know he loves you... and Bella. I'm so very sorry this happened._ Aloud she said, "I'm so sorry, Bella," her anguished cry followed her as she escaped to the yard.

Distracted as I was, I hadn't realized that Carlisle had come to stand quietly in front of me, patiently waiting for my protective instincts to be overridden by my concern for Bella's injuries. Finally, when he spoke it was so softly I barely heard it, even with my sensitive hearing.

"Let me by, Edward." He whispered. I hesitated the barest instant, and then relaxed my defensive crouch, nodding to the only Father I could remember. I turned to watch as he knelt by Bella, examining her wound, a large, jagged cut in her upper arm - and the source of the blood - whose sweet perfume I could still remember in all their memories and taste on my own tongue. _This is going to need several stitches._ He thought the last more to himself than to me.

Alice came forward and handed Carlisle a clean towel. "Here Carlisle." Until I saw her, I wasn't even aware that she was still in the room. Her mind swirled with so many thoughts, it was impossible for me to single out any one in particular.

Carlisle shook his head. "There's too much glass in the wound." He tore a strip from the already ruined table cloth and quickly and gently fashioned a tourniquet around her upper arm to stem the flow of blood. Since I wasn't breathing, still, the scent of it didn't bother me so much, but the memory of it did. I had actually had tasted Bella's blood once already... although not because I wanted to at the time.

A recent memory sparked, and a episode during Biology class reminded me that Bella had a weak stomach when it came to blood. The irony never failed to amuse me. Just the same, I peered closely at her to gauge her reactions. Surely shock had to be setting in. She did look a little paler than normal, and slightly queasy.

"Bella," Carlisle asked her quietly, "Do you want me to drive you to the hospital, or would you like me to take care of it here?" I knew that if she went to the hospital, Charlie would hear about it, and how would we explain what had happened then? From the look on her face, I could tell that Bella agreed with me.

"Here, please," she whispered in a voice so low, even I could barely hear it.

Alice was in motion immediately. Her thoughts were still in a jumbled mess, so I assumed she was just worried about my reaction to what Jasper had almost done. "I'll get your bag." she said, and then she disappeared.

"Let's get her to the kitchen table," Carlisle instructed me. Feeling the burn in my throat and trying very hard to ignore it, I lifted her up and held her carefully as I walked her into the kitchen. Carlisle held the makeshift tourniquet firm and moved with us.

"How are you doing, Bella?" Carlisle questioned her. I saw in his mind that he was afraid that she wasn't handling the pain very well, and he was trying to keep her calm. It would never cease to amaze me how easy he made it look. I'd worked with him in and around hospitals in decades past, and his complete control around the blood day in and day out, as well as his calming bedside manner, never failed to make me proud of him.

Proud to be called his son.

"I'm fine." Bella replied, and I was surprised that she sounded fairly steady. She must be doing better than I had thought. I tried again to distract myself from her nearness as I set her carefully in a chair. I hovered protectively over her, still holding my breath. Alice was waiting there with Carlisle's medical bag, and had already set up a bright lamp nearby. Carlisle pulled up another chair to sit in, and started to examine the gashes more closely in the brighter light.

My eyes must have given away my inner struggle with my always demanding thirst, because Bella looked up at me and huffed out a short breath of resignation and irritation.

"Just go, Edward."

"I can handle it," I snapped between my tightly clenched teeth, fighting to speak without taking a breath and risk getting a whiff of the glorious scent that I was sure permeated the room.

My throat felt like a desert - dry with dust and tumbleweeds - flaming with the memory of tasting Bella's always beckoning blood last Spring. I swallowed convulsively, fighting to stay where I was... knowing I should probably just leave. I'd had to suck the venom from the wound after James had bitten Bella on the hand, and remembering the glorious taste of it had my mouth drowning again in my own venom. I'd mostly buried the monster inside me after that episode, but I could feel him growling inside me now, remembering the taste of her blood with the scent memory I'd just been bombarded with. I knew Carlisle wouldn't let me do anything stupid, but I also knew better than to push myself past my own limits.. and I was quickly getting to that point.

_Just keep a hold of yourself, just keep a hold of yourself, _I thought over and over as my instinct to protect the girl I loved warred with the demanding black monster resurrected inside me. _Don't give in._

"You don't need to be a hero," Bella pointed out, interrupting my internal battle with myself. "Carlisle can fix me up without your help. Go get some fresh air." and she flinched as Carlisle gave her a shot to numb her arm before he stitched up the long slices in her arm. The sight of her in pain rooted me to the spot just as I had thought to leave.

"I'll stay," I said, but my resolved sounded weak even to my own ears.

"Why are you so masochistic?" Bella muttered, impatient with me. My desire to stay wavered a little more, and my need to flee the scene quickly grew stronger.

Carlisle decided I had pushed myself far enough. "Edward, you may as well go find Jasper before he gets too far. I'm sure he's upset with himself, and I doubt he'll listen to anyone but you right now." _Hearing that Bella is going to be OK from _you_ is the only thing that will stop him from beating himself up, Edward. He probably figures that you hate him for what he almost did here tonight._ Carlisle added silently. _It happens to the best of us... that break in control. He can't be blamed. Now go._ As always, Carlisle added himself among that number, even though he'd never suffered from a break of that kind.

"Yes," Bella agreed quickly, "Go find Jasper."

Alice nodded. "You might as well do something useful." _Please, Edward. I'm sure he feels just awful. I'll join you as soon as I can, and we'll talk to Jazz together._ It was the first thing she'd clearly thought privately to me since Jasper had made his lunge for Bella.

I frowned slightly, not appreciating the way all of them had turned on me, but I was past the point when I could deal with my thirst effectively. My imagination had started to take over, picturing things I didn't need to think about, and hadn't thought about since the first day Bella had stepped into my Biology class. I looked at all three of them, nodded once, and then flashed instantly through the backdoor of the kitchen into the blessed fresh air of the back yard.

Once my feet hit the grass, I took several deep gulps of the crisp night air, trying to rid my senses of the memory of Bella's blood. I forced myself to breathe slowly, inhaling and exhaling several times to cleanse my mouth and throat to put out the flames of my thirst. It would never go away, but it wasn't always so dominant a force in my life as when I was around Bella.

_Calm down and just breathe. Just breathe._ "Quit being an idiot," I said out loud for my own benefit.

In a few minutes, after sufficiently calming myself, I turned to go and find Jasper. I discovered that I wasn't really mad at him. I thought that I would be, once I got outside and away from the scene, but I wasn't. It was in his nature, after all. It was in of all of us - this maddening thirst for human blood. It was and integral part of our canon, just as sleeping and eating regular food was for humans. Carlisle was right about that, as he was right about just about everything... it could have happened to anyone. It could have just as easily had been me that turned and attacked her.

By all rights, since I was vastly more sensitive to her blood than the rest of my family, it _should_ have been me. The fact that I loved her more than anything else was the only thing that kept her even remotely safe from my thirst for her. And that might not always be enough. The potential that I could slip up and forget myself was always present. And if I killed her accidentally because I wasn't paying close enough attention to what I was doing or thinking, I would never be able to forgive myself.

I had thought that once I had made the determination that I would be strong enough to resist the insane desire for her blood, the greatest danger to her would be in the past. Tonight made me realize that it wasn't, and it never would be. In my world, Bella would always be in danger, and not always just from me.

My family was not the only coven of vampires around, and although they were my family's friends, as long as she remained human, she was still at risk of death from any one of them. There were always nomads around, like James and his small coven, and their simple curiosity about my family had nearly caused Bella's death because she was with us when they came to investigate the intermingling of our scents.

No. The safest thing for Bella would be for my family and I to just leave Forks... like we should have done when I first met her.

Gritting my teeth against the idea of leaving Bella, I walked around to the front of the house, following the mental 'voices' of my family.

As I followed the train of thoughts that buzzed in my head, I tried to gauge their emotions as I walked at human speed to find them, in no hurry for this confrontation. Eventually, I located all them clustered in the seldom used 'family room' built into the cavernous garage, in various states of turmoil, and I hesitated outside the door, 'listening'.

As was usual, Emmett was the most calm, his mind reviewing the events of the night, wondering idly if it could have been avoided. My older brother generally took things as they came, though, so this didn't really surprise me. He'd always been fairly open minded about the things that happened to and around him... never judging anyone by the choices they made. It was one of the reasons he was my favorite adopted sibling.

Rosalie still had the snide 'I told you so' edge to her thoughts, but she was thinking more or less about retuning her BMW yet again. Or buying a new car. She liked my Vanquish. Her thoughts waffled back and forth on that one for a few seconds, and then they turned to thinking how good she had looked for this party, even though it was in Bella's honor. The fact that she was thinking of herself after what had transpired tonight came as no surprise, either. And she dares to call me selfish and spoiled. I snorted mentally.

Tuned into Jasper's body language, Alice was analyzing his every minute move, and looking ahead into the future to see what the outcome of tonight would be based on what he was thinking. I skipped out of Alice's mind quickly - I didn't want to see what she saw if she looked ahead to see my decision being made. That possible future was too painful for me to face just yet.

Esme's thoughts caused me the most distress... so extremely worried about what had happened, the effect on Bella, how she would now feel about me and our family, and how I would react to it. I deeply regretted, for her sake, the choice I knew I must make soon. My leaving, should I be strong enough and choose to do so, would hurt her the most.

Taking a steadying breath, I focused on Jasper's mental voice last, preparing myself for what I would hear from him, firmly telling myself that whatever it was, I would deal with it calmly and not overreact.

Jasper, however, surprised me - caught me totally off guard - and with my gift of reading minds and all the thoughts that crossed them the instant they crossed them, that was nearly impossible to do. Knowing how he had originally felt about Bella, that she was nothing to us, only an insignificant human... he had thought she needed to be eliminated when she had found out about my family to keep her from revealing our secrets.

I was shocked to hear the intense shame in his mental voice as he berated himself over and over again for what he had tried to to her do tonight. As I shamelessly eavesdropped on his thoughts, I was more and more surprised to see how much his considerations of Bella had changed in the last six months. I discovered that he had started to truly care for her - to see her as an extension of our family - and as such, he saw her as an adopted little sister, and, more importantly, a good companion to Alice, whom he loved as he had never loved anyone else.

I suddenly realized that I hadn't really been paying very close attention to Jasper lately, my whole world had been revolving around Bella and our budding relationship, so I hadn't noticed this subtle shift in his attitude towards her. He tended to steer clear of us when we were around anyway, still overly cautious about his intense lingering desire for human blood. This discovery, coupled with the shock of how his feelings had built into an affection for this human girl that I loved, wiped out any left over feelings of anger I might have felt towards him.

Alright. It was time I confronted him, which he already knew was coming, and let him off the mental hook of his own making. I smiled grimly as I reached for the door knob, anticipating his surprise, knowing that it wouldn't be anything close to what he expected from me.

They all looked up at me as I walked in the side door and shut it behind me. All of them, that is, except Jasper. Everyone was oddly quiet.. and by quiet, I mean that no one was directing any thoughts my direction, and no one verbally said anything to me, waiting to see how I would react.

Sitting beside Jasper on one of the couches, Alice met my gaze calmly, holding Jasper's left hand tightly to remind me of how strong their bond was. He was hunched over with his elbows in his knees, so I was unable to see his face as she sent a mental plea my way. _Please, Edward.. don't be too hard on him. You know he didn't mean it._ I returned her stare unblinking, but smiled slightly to let her know what my frame of mind was. She relaxed marginally and took a breath.

Standing on the far side of Alice was Emmett, with Esme next to him, his hands in his pockets. He met my eyes when I looked up at him and shrugged, telling me that he would back me in whatever role I chose to play. Rose stood behind Alice, situated the furthest away from me, and wouldn't look me in the eye. If she was smart, that is where she would stay.

Jasper still didn't look up, his eyes locked on some small crack in the concrete, his shoulders rounded, his lean body as frozen as a statue made of marble. I wasn't even sure that he was breathing.

In his mind, the scene of his attack on Bella replayed over and over again.. and each time, his pain stabbed at him harder than the time before as he remembered with perfect clarity what he had tried to do to the girl that I loved. I flinched away from reliving the scene again, but I couldn't stop seeing it as it played out in his head.

In his version, however, I noticed that in about every other rewind, Alice replaced Bella in his minds eye. It took me a second to grasp it, but I suddenly realized that part of what pained him so badly was that he was putting himself in my place.. and how he would feel if I had done the same thing to Alice. Losing her would have destroyed him, so it gave him some small idea of what I would have felt had he succeeded in killing Bella in his moment of weakness.

I walked slowly to him, and crouched down in front of him, so that I was eye level with him. He still refused to look at me, but I could more clearly see the anguish carved into every line of his smooth, pale face. Slowly, so as not to spook him in his already rattled frame of mind, I reached out and cupped a gentle hand to the back of his neck. I heard Esme draw a quick breath in concern, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Emmett wrap a big arm around her shoulders for support and draw her close to him.

Jasper tensed under my hand, clearly expecting a forceful retaliation from me, but obviously willing to take whatever I thought he deserved as punishment, without defending himself.

Cautiously leaning my upper body forward, I lightly rested my forehead against his, and heard him let out a long, gut-wrenching breath. Ah. So he hadn't been breathing. It struck me deeply that at this moment, Jasper, the one who could so easily control everyone else's emotions with barely a thought, had absolutely no power over his own.

"Jasper." I said quietly. No response... just his quietly ragged breathing. "Jasper." I tried again, a little louder. Still nothing. I waited him out. Suddenly, his mental pictures became a scattered, chaotic mess, like dry leaves in a tornado, and I knew now that he was listening to me.

"Brother... look at me," I whispered. Lightly, I squeezed his neck to focus his attention on me and away from the images swirling in his head. I knew that it took every ounce of inner strength that he had, but he finally raised his head to lean back and look into my eyes. "Listen to me," I held his gaze strongly, not allowing him to look away. "I don't blame you for what happened."

I could see the rebellion forming in his eyes, mentally intent on beating himself up, and I shook my head. "I. Don't. Blame. You." I enunciated every word to drive my point home. "Bella doesn't blame you. You are what you are."

Stopping for a second, I considered my next words carefully. "Jasper... you are... what we _all _are. It could have just as easily been me. Or Alice. Or Emmett." Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Emmett nodding his head, a slight grin on his face. _Big monster,_ I thought, with a mental shake of my head.

I continued, still holding his gaze with mine. "If I am completely honest with myself right now, I am the one to blame. I am the one who fell in love with Bella... a human girl. I put the temptation out there.. for all of us. You haven't been following our way of life as long. We have no right to expect you to be anything other than what you are."

I paused to let those words sink in, and then squeezed his neck again for emphasis. "Jasper, you are my brother... in all ways that matter.. and family has to support family. I. Will. Not. Let. You. Blame. Yourself. For. This." As I spoke, my voice grew in strength, finally ending in a command with a military ring to it.

Hearing the authority in the tone of my voice, Jasper pulled himself up a little, searching my eyes with his own, testing my level of honesty. For the first time, I felt him sample the mood around me, feeling with his other 'sense', what my emotional state was to confirm to himself if what I said was true.

I was completely calm. As good as I had become at lying over the decades, lying to Jasper to save his feelings about this never crossed my mind. I spoke nothing but the truth, because, deep down, I believed everything I had just said to him. It was my fault. Not his. It should have never happened. It only happened because I had fallen in love... helplessly in love... with a human girl. I was the one who should be burning with shame... not Jasper.

What he felt must have reassured him that I was telling the truth as he sat up straighter, brought up his chin, squared his shoulders and squeezed Alice's hand. I dropped my hand from his neck and patted her knee. She smiled at me. _Thanks big brother._ I winked at her.

Jasper drew a deep breath. _Thank you, Edward. I don't deserve your forgiveness... or Bella's. _His mental voice was humble. I reached out with my other hand, and after a long moment, he took it in his, and I gave it a healthy squeeze... just once. He didn't smile, but nodded, and I knew that everything would be back to normal soon. Or, as normal as my strange vampire family ever came close to being.

"We aren't speaking of this again." I said, for the rest of the family's benefit.

Standing up, I looked each one of them in the eye, finally glaring at Rose to drive my point home. She returned my look for a long moment, and then looked away, turning to busy herself with getting something out of her car. Esme headed back up to the house, already thinking about cleaning up the mess left from the events of the evening. Alice stood up with Jasper, and they both walked out of the garage and into the night, probably to be alone for a few moments together, now that the crisis had passed. Emmett came forward to clap me on the back, grinning.

"I told them you'd be cool about it." he laughed in his typical, always happy way. Nothing ever seemed to phase him. _After all, it's not like some of us haven't slipped up before._ Emmett silently said with a thump on his own chest and a big grin. I narrowed my eyes at him, and he held his hands up, unrepentant. _You know it's true._ He thought, chuckling. I just sighed and shook my head.

"I need to go and check on Bella and get her home." I sighed. "And," I added, my voice full of sorrow as I felt again the weight of the choice I would have to make. "I have some serious thinking to do." Emmett looked at me closely, and I just shook my head and stuffed my hands in my pants pockets. For once, he didn't smile.

I wandered aimlessly out of the garage, into the dark stillness of the back yard. The crickets were chirping, somewhere a frog croaked, and off in the distance, I could hear the creek that ran along the back edge of our property whispering over the rocks and the moss that grew there. Usually, when I was troubled, I was able to take comfort in the stillness of nature. But not tonight.

Tonight, I could find no solace in the simple enjoyment of the life that teemed in the woods surrounding me. Tonight, my mind was a spinning, cluttered mess of emotions and horrifying images of the events that had happened this evening.

"What the hell happened?" I muttered darkly, disgusted with how the evening had ended.

Had we really only been at my house less than three hours? It seemed unreal that the future should be able to change so quickly, and yet I knew from past experience-decades of it-that it was very possible. Take me, for example. One minute, I was dying in a hospital bed of Spanish Influenza, and in the blink of an eye, once Carlisle made the choice to 'save' me, my whole future was suddenly different.

At a shuffling walk, I roamed the damp grass of the yard, arguing with myself of the differences between the right thing and the wrong thing to do now. _The right thing, would be to leave Forks, and as a result... leave Bella._

That last thought was so immediately painful, it drove the breath from my body and doubled me over. Before I knew quite what had happened, I discovered that I was on my knees in the wet grass, my hands clenched into fists.

Gasping for breath, I squeezed my eyes shut against the agony the thought of leaving her caused. I had read stories in books in the past of people who had lost loves, and who had felt like their very hearts had been ripped cruelly from their chests.

I could now, for the first time in my existence, understand what they meant when they described it that way.

Several minutes passed as I crouched there, trying to get control. Oddly, I found myself suddenly comparing this pain - the pain of voluntarily leaving Bella to save her from the fear of accidents like tonight - to the pain of last Spring, when I had thought that I might be too late to save her from James.

For reasons I didn't quite understand at first, it seemed like this pain was much worse than when I had thought I might have lost her forever. Then, in a sudden flash of insight, I realized why this moment hurt so much more.

When I had thought I might have lost her previously, I was prepared to follow her.. if not into Heaven, where I was positive she would go.. then at least from this world, into whatever awaited me... if anything. Or nothing. I would not allow myself to suffer one day longer in this world, knowing that she was not a part of it. As I had told Bella earlier in the evening, I would have immediately found a way to end my life.

Now, that the possibility of leaving her was on the horizon, I knew I would suffer every day, for the rest of my limitless life, knowing she was alive, but never seeing her again. That pain was almost physically crippling.

I took a deep, steadying breath and stood up, wiping my wet hands on my dress slacks. Suffer I would... because I loved her that much. I loved her enough to leave her.

Even as selfish as I was, I knew it was the right choice to make. Even as painful as that would be, just knowing that she was well and happy, either here in Forks, or somewhere else, at least she would be alive... something that I could not guarantee if I stayed with her.. no matter how cautious I was. Tonight proved that.

"But are you strong enough?" I whispered to myself in the darkness. "You love her enough, but are you strong enough?" I wasn't sure that I was.

Turning back towards the front of the house, I knew that I really wasn't any closer to making a firm decision about what I needed to do than I was when I had stepped out here. The main reason I knew that was because Alice wasn't out here, begging me to stay. I knew the minute I made a definite plan to leave, she would be all over me, having seen the future in the choice I'd made.

I wasn't ready to face that at all. I was pretty sure that the only member of my family that loved Bella almost as much as I did was Alice. She would not be happy about leaving... should it come to that. Not at all.

Pausing outside the front door, I could hear Bella and Carlisle talking within - -Carlisle's calm, comforting voice, as always, reaching out and soothing my rattled nerves, acting as a buffer to my over reactive personality.

I listened as he told Bella the story of having changed me into my current self to save me from suffering the same fate as my mother. I reached out with my extra sense, trespassing into his head as he spoke, seeing Bella's face, rapt with wonder as she listened to his tale, and for the first time in many decades, in his clear vampiric memory, I saw the face of my mother. She was so beautiful... even in the final moments of her life, as she pleaded with him to save mine.

I crept in through the door, quietly, even though I knew he had to have heard me, and listened from the shadows of the dining room. Carlisle told Bella about the remorse he had felt for making my transformation difficult - although I doubt there would've been any other way. Remembering the agony of it very clearly, I couldn't imagine it not being painful... for anyone. Yet one more thing I wanted to save Bella from experiencing.

_Truly, Edward, I'm so very sorry that you had to suffer through it, but I'm not sorry that I did it. You are my son._ Carlisle thought, and I knew he had indeed heard me enter the house.

I checked my emotions, calmed myself internally, and smoothed my features into an unreadable mask. It wouldn't do for Bella to know ahead of time what I was considering. She would fight with me about it, and I wasn't sure if I was up to the task tonight... if ever.

Finally satisfied that I was as about as rational as I could be about the decision I was facing, I went ahead and walked into the living room.

Carlisle smiled at Bella. "I suppose I should take you home now." He said.

"I'll do that," I said, stepping into Bella's line of sight. Her liquid brown eyes locked on mine instantly, and I knew I was right to prepare myself before stepping into the room. She was already on full alert, studying my face, trying to read my emotions. I suppose I should have expected that.

"Carlisle can take me," she said, glancing down at her bloodied shirt. I hadn't had time to notice it before, but she was quite covered in it, and it took me a second to register that I hadn't felt the normal reactionary throb of my throat to the scent. I wondered idly what the cause of that would've been.

_Oh... I'm not breathing. That would be why. I guess it's become a habit now._ I snorted mentally.

"I'm fine." I stated calmly, keeping my face smooth. "You'll need to change anyway. You'd give Charlie a heart attack the way you look. I'll have Alice get you something." and I turned and walked swiftly out of the kitchen door, heading for the garage, mentally roaming out for Alice's whereabouts.

I found her and Jasper sitting down by the creek bank where it curved in closer to the far edge of the garage. Jasper looked up and made immediate direct eye contact with me when I came through the trees. His face was calm, no trace of the frazzled emotional state that he had been in when he left the garage in earlier, but his body posture was tense. I nodded just slightly, and he relaxed somewhat. I saw Alice squeeze his hand, unaware of our silent exchange, and she looked from Jasper to me, judging our reactions to each other.

_Is everything okay, Edward?_ Alice asked me silently as I came closer. I reached up to run a hand through my hair, a reassuring gesture that I had adapted from the many silent conversations Alice and I had had over the years. Her face relaxed.

"Is Bella alright?" she asked aloud for Jasper's benefit, not knowing that he had asked the same question in thought the moment he'd heard me coming. I could hear the deep remorse still present in his mental voice, and I felt bad for him. It would take him a long time to forgive himself completely.

"Yes, she is going to be fine. Carlisle has her stitched up." I chuckled to ease the tension. "You've seen her walk... I'm fairly sure she's had worse injuries in her life." I winked. Jasper smiled a little at that, and I saw in his mind a memory of Bella tripping over her own feet walking down the halls at school. I smiled back at him, nodding. "See?" He nodded back, more relaxed than he was when I had first walked up. Alice looked from Jasper to me and back again.

"What?" she demanded. It didn't bother her to have silent, one-sided conversations with me, but she hated it when she was the one left out. "What did you show him, Jazz?"

Jasper chuckled."Bella's two left feet." Alice smiled, and we all had a quiet laugh about it.

"I'm taking her home," I said as they stood up quickly, brushing the moss and dirt off their clothes. "I do need you to grab something for her to wear first though, " I told Alice. "I can't take her home to Charlie covered in cake frosting and blood. He'd probably have heart failure."

"Oh goodness you're right about that one," Alice rushed, the picture in her head the last vision she had of Bella as she had slipped out the door. I couldn't help the wince at her perfect memory. Alice grimaced in apology.

_Oh... _her tone was contrite._ Sorry, Edward..._ I shrugged. Jasper leaned forward and kissed Alice quickly.

"I'm sure that you will both understand if I remain here," he said, flashing us a crooked, sheepish grin. "It's better to be safe than sorry... again." I nodded at him, smiling a little as I reached out and squeezed his shoulder.

Alice and I flitted silently back to the house, heading directly to the back doors. I held the door open for Alice and stood back waiting for her as she bounded forward to grab Bella's uninjured arm.

"C'mon," she said. "I'll get you something a little less macabre to wear." and she pulled Bella from the room.

As the girls disappeared upstairs, I stood by the door, waiting. The smell of bleach was almost overpowering, but I knew it was a necessity. Lord knows I didn't need to have that oh-so-pleasing aroma as a constant presence in the house. Or a reminder.

Perhaps it would be the final straw to drive me totally insane.

Or maybe I was there already. Who the hell knew anymore?

I couldn't bear to meet the glances that Esme kept shooting in my direction, so I kept my eyes on the floor, waiting in frozen silence for the girls to finish upstairs.

Esme stowed away the cleaning products and went to sit stiffly on a dining chair next to Carlisle. He was watching me stand alone by the door, having perched himself on the edge of the dining room table, just one of many 'props' in this house that were never used for their intended purpose.

_Edward,_ My father's voice slipped silently into my head, gaining my immediate attention, although I didn't look up, nor did I look at him. We were as good at these silent, one-sided conversations as Alice and I were. Too many decades of practice.

_Don't over react. I can tell by the look on your face what you're thinking, _he thought_. Give it some time to pass before you start thinking about taking drastic actions._ I slipped my hands into my pockets and shrugged slightly to let him know I heard him and understood what he was trying to say.

_Don't leave us,_ came Esme's silent plea. I couldn't help reacting to her, the only mother that I knew.

Quickly looking up, I could see the sadness etched in every line of her face at the thought of losing me. I couldn't look away as she begged with her eyes and more silent mental pleas to stay with them. I smiled at her gently, and shook my head, silently telling her that I had decided nothing yet. That eased the stress in her mind, and she relaxed against the back of the chair.

Upstairs, I could hear whispered voices, but they were low enough that even with my over sensitive hearing, I couldn't make out what was being said.

Damn. I wished again that I could get inside Bella's silent mind. I gritted my teeth.

Well... I couldn't get into Bella's head, but Alice's on the other hand...

I took a quick peek into Alice's head and saw Alice's thoughts flash to Jasper, realized that Bella had asked how he was doing, and then I skipped out again realizing that Bella was changing clothes, and I need to get out before I saw something through Alice's eyes of Bella that I didn't need to see. Even though a part of me really wanted to take a look, I wasn't going to do that. I didn't need any more temptation. Especially not now.

No... definitely not now.

_Hell, I'm still a man... _I thought, feeling my hands clenching into fists at the thought of seeing Bella undressed. I took a deep breath and again smoothed the worry lines out of my face, hearing the girls coming back down the stairs.

As soon as Bella hit the bottom of the stairs and made eye contact with me, I held the door open for her, silently telling her that it was time to go. She frowned slightly as she started walking slowly in my direction, and I figured that I hadn't done much of a job keeping my expression neutral. Oh well. It would have to talked about eventually. No time like the present.

Alice darted forward to grab Bella's presents, both opened and unopened, as well as her camera from where they had been placed out of the way underneath my piano and flitted back to Bella's side.

"Take your things!" she said as she tucked the gifts into Bella's uninjured arm. "You can thank me later, when you've opened them."

I stood stonily silent as Esme and Carlisle said subdued goodbye's to Bella... both of them casting questioning, worried looks my way as I waited with the door open. I avoided making eye contact with them, absorbed in watching Bella making what she thought were subtle furtive glances at me.

Breezing past me out the door and down the steps, I had to walk faster than the normal human speed I usually adopted with Bella to keep pace with her. She seemed relieved to be out of my house and away from the scene of the accident. I couldn't say that I blamed her. I was glad as well. Tonight was one night I would rather forget. Too bad I never would.

Silently we walked to her truck and I held the passenger side door open for her again, somewhat surprised when she climbed in without grouching about it.

Inside the truck, the new stereo waited, shiny and new and completely out of place in the beat up old Chevy. Emmett, as a final touch to his thoughtful gift, had added a nice red bow... stuck to the dashboard. Bella pulled the bow off as I climbed into the drivers seat and dropped it on the floorboard. When she thought I wasn't paying attention, she kicked it underneath the seat. I refused to look at the stereo, and Bella refused to turn it on, so it loomed like an elephant in the silent cab of the truck as I drove too quickly back towards Forks.

After tonight's nearly deadly events, it didn't take being a mind reader for her to figure out that I wasn't happy. I could hear her heart starting pick up it's pace, and I knew instinctively that she was searching for something to say to me. My continued silence had to be driving her crazy. Honestly, it was driving me crazy. The difference between us was that she didn't know what to say, and I knew what I needed to say, but I didn't want to say it.

I was having a really hard time trying to keep up my carefully crafted outward calm facade. One wrong word, and I was sure that all of my bottled up terror over what had almost happened tonight would coming pouring out. I didn't want it to happen that way. She'd already gone through more than any human being ever should because of her association with me and my family. I didn't need to add "hurting her feelings" to the list. That was the last thing I ever wanted to do.

Finally, she couldn't stand it anymore. "Say something," she begged as I pulled the truck out onto the highway.

I kept my voice carefully neutral as I said, "What do you want me to say?" Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her wince.

"Tell me you forgive me." she all but begged.

That surprised me, and made me mad all at the same time. I felt the tight hold I had on my emotions slip a fraction.

"Forgive you? For what?" I demanded flatly.

She wouldn't look at me. "If I'd have been more careful, nothing would have happened."

Another slip in my grip. "Bella, you gave yourself a paper cut - that hardly deserves the death penalty." I spat, nearly grinding my teeth.

"It's still my fault." she stated.

Her words were like a slap in the face, and I felt my control slide away.

"Your fault?" I gripped the steering wheel so tightly, I nearly snapped it. "If you'd cut yourself at Mike Newton's house, with Jessica there and Angela and your other normal friends, the worst that could possibly have happened was what? Maybe they couldn't find you a bandage?" I drew a ragged breath, my mind screaming at me to stop, but my mouth was simply unable to. "If you'd tripped and knocked over a pile of glass plates on your own - without someone throwing you into them - even then, what's the worst? You'd get blood on the seats when they drove you to the emergency room? Mike Newton could have held your hand while they stitched you up - and he wouldn't be fighting the urge to kill you the whole time he was there. Don't try to take any of this on yourself, Bella. It will only make me more disgusted with myself." I finished my rant on a growl.

"How the hell did Mike Newton end up in this conversation?" She demanded, incensed.

"Mike Newton ended up in this conversation because Mike Newton would be a hell of a lot healthier for you to be with," I snarled. I couldn't help the sound of disgust. As much as I loathed the boy, he would most certainly be the better choice of suitors, should she need to choose between the two of us. It made me sick to admit it, but I knew it to be true.

"I'd rather die than be with Mike Newton," Bella argued. "I'd rather die than be with anyone but you."

"Don't be melodramatic, please." I groaned, wallowing in my self loathing.

"Well then, don't you be ridiculous." She huffed. I refused to answer and stared out the windshield instead.

We drove the remaining distance to her house in silence. I pulled up in front of her house, and shut the truck off, realizing that my hands were still clenched around steering wheel in a death grip. I sat and waited, refusing to speak for fear I'd not be able to shut up again. I'd already done enough damage to the evening with my previous outburst. No need to make it any worse.

"Will you stay tonight?" Bella asked in a small voice.

Of course I wanted to stay. I wanted to stay more than anything, but it would make it harder for me to carefully consider all the choices I needed to consider.

Oh hell. Who was I kidding? No one but myself. Staying with her tonight would make it harder for me to leave her later.

"I should go home." I stated quietly. I needed my space to think effectively.

"For my birthday," she pushed.

"You can't have it both ways - either you want people to ignore your birthday, or you don't. One or the other." It irritated me that she was trying to play on my emotions that way, but I couldn't be mean to her. She was right.. it was still her birthday.. as disastrous as it had turned out.

"Okay. I've decided I don't want you to ignore my birthday. I'll see you upstairs." She jumped out of the truck and turned to pick her presents off the seat. I couldn't help the frown I felt crease my forehead.

"You don't have to take those." I said, trying to give her an out, but knowing if I said that, she would want them all the more.. and I really wanted her to take them.

"I want them." she responded immediately... just like I knew she would.

"No you don't. Carlisle and Esme spent money on you." I pushed.

"I'll live." She picked up the gifts and tucked them under her uninjured arm and reached back to slam the truck door. I jumped out of the truck and was standing next to her before she could blink twice.

"Let me carry them, at least," I offered, reaching out to take them from her. "I'll be in your room." I told her.. against my better judgement. I allowed myself a mental snort of disgust. When it came to anything regarding Bella, I was convinced that my better judgement had taken a vacation a long time ago.

I was rewarded with one of her breathtaking smiles. "Thanks."

"Happy birthday," I gave up and leaned down to give her a quick peck on the lips, pulling away quickly when she came up on her tip toes to extend the kiss longer than I had prepared myself for. I grinned at her in silent apology and then I melted into the dark night and watched as she went in through the front door and closed it behind her before I took a quick two stepped sprint and jumped quickly up to her second story window and smoothly let myself inside.

Inside her now too familiar bedroom, I could clearly hear the sound of the TV on downstairs, and her and her father exchanging greetings. I wandered over to her bed and crawled into the middle of it, sitting cross legged with the unopened gifts in my lap.

As I sat there, I decided that I wouldn't say anything about what was on my mind tonight. It was still her birthday, and for what was left of it, I was going to allow her to have her happiness. I wouldn't take that from her.

I could hear her now in the bathroom... taking what she called, "a human minute". It had never failed to make me laugh before when she had said that - her beautiful eyes sparkling, a smile on her perfect lips. Now, it just pointed out the glaringly obvious differences between us. She was human. I was a vampire. It would never work... and it nearly killed me to admit it.

As much as I wanted to see her, she was coming down the hall to her bedroom much sooner than I was ready for her to. I wasn't sure I would be able to keep my emotions off my face and keep the rest of our evening light. For her though, as with everything, I would try. Dammit all... I would try.

I looked up when she came in, playing with the bow on one of the gifts she had yet to open.

"Hi." I said quietly. She stopped and looked at me critically for a second. Judging by the look on her face, I'd failed that attempt to keep it light.

The next thing I knew, she was climbing onto the bed with me, taking all of the boxes out of my hands, setting them aside and then crawling carefully into my lap. Surprised, I didn't even have a chance to draw a readying breath before she snuggled up to my chest. I wound my arms around her, pulling her in as close to me as was possible. Inhaling her wonderful scent, I carefully committed it to memory. I never wanted to forget it, although I didn't think I ever could.

"Hi." she said back. "Can I open my presents now?"

"Where did the enthusiasm come from?" I wondered aloud.

"You made me curious."

She picked up the gift from Carlisle and Esme. I took it from her. "Allow me," I offered. In one quick move, I had the wrapping completely torn away, and handed her back the white rectangle box inside.

"Are you sure I can handle lifting the lid?" she mumbled, but I let it pass, pretending I didn't hear her.

She opened the box and looked inside. Laying there were the plane tickets that my parents had purchased for her. I could see that she wasn't sure what they were just yet, but I didn't want to spoil the eventual surprise by telling her what they were before she figured it out on her own.

Bella picked up the tickets, setting the box down, and proceeded to read them over carefully. I counted to fifty before I saw that it had finally sunk in what they were.

"We're going to Jacksonville?" I smiled at the excitement in her tone. It was nice that the gift was so well received. I wasn't sure it would be.

"That's the idea." I laughed.

"I can't believe it. Renée is going to flip! You don't mind, though, do you? It's sunny, you'll have to stay inside all day." She said, always worried about someone else's happiness before her own.

"I think I can handle it." I said, frowning. "If I'd had any idea that you could respond to a gift this appropriately, I would have made you open it in front of Carlisle and Esme. I thought you'd complain."

"Well of course it's too much," she stated her tone implying that it should have been obvious. "But I get to take you with me!"

I had to laugh a little. "Now I wish I'd spent money on your present. I didn't realize that you were capable of being so reasonable."

Bella set the tickets aside, and reached for my gift, curiosity written all over her face. I took it from her, as I had with the last gift, and tore the paper off quickly.

Inside was a clear CD jewel case, a silver CD inside, with nothing written on it. It was this that I handed back to her, a small smile on my face.

She took the CD from me and turned it over in her hands, confused. "What is it?" she asked, completely stumped.

I took the CD out of the case, and reached around her to put the disk into the CD player she had sitting on her nightstand next to the bed. Pushing play, I waited in breathless silence a few moments for my gift to her to make itself known. Then the music started.

I locked my eyes on her face, anxious for her reaction. I willed with everything that I was that she would like it. I had poured my heart and soul into this CD for her of my piano music, and I had waited all day for this moment to come.

Her eyes wide, her jaw fell open, and for a few moments, she couldn't say anything. Then I saw the tears welling up, and I was suddenly worried that her arm was paining her. I reached up and brushed away the tears in concern.

"Does your arm hurt?" I asked her quickly, worried that she might be in pain.

"No, it's not my arm. It's beautiful Edward. You couldn't have given me anything I would love more. I can't believe it." she gushed, then stopped to listen.

I was pleased with how well my gift had gone over. I'd recorded a bunch of my piano compositions on the CD for her, starting with the lullaby I had written for her soon after we'd met. It took me some time to decide on what the perfect gift would be... one that she would actually accept without complaint. I'd recalled how much she enjoyed sitting at my piano with me when I played, content to just listen. I was glad that I had thought of this.

"I didn't think you would let me get a piano so that I could play for you here," I explained, smiling.

"You're right." Bella laughed quietly.

'"How does your arm feel?" Regardless of what she said, I was aware that it had started to pain her again. I was fairly sure that the shot Carlisle had given her to numb the area had worn off by now. Her own natural body heat was one constant I was used to feeling, but in addition to that, I was able to pick up the extra heat that the wound was radiating through the bandage where she had her arm pressed against my chest as she sat on my lap.

"Just fine, actually." she lied unconvincingly.

Gently, I slid her off my lap and on to the bed. "I'll get you some Tylenol."

"I don't need anything," she argued. I knew better.

"Charlie," she all but hissed at me as I headed for the door.

Her father didn't know that I usually spent five nights out of seven cuddled up with his daughter upstairs in her room as she peacefully slept the night away. Granted, I was fully clothed, and she was always safely in modest pajama's as well as being cocooned in a blanket to protect her from my icy body temperature, but, we figured he would probably have an apoplexy anyway, so we kept the secret..

Despite her repeated attempts to get me to set aside my self control and do a little more than some mild kissing, I remained stubbornly strong, and refused to let things get out of hand... even when she really pushed me.. which, lately, had been more than was normal for her. I suspected it had everything to do with her obsessive desire to become a vampire, but I kept that notion to myself, not wanting to start that fight again.

How I managed to keep from throwing caution to the wind during those instances and just going for it, I'm still not sure. I'd never wanted anything so badly in my entire existence. It was almost expected by girls for us to try stuff like that. Or, so I'd been told. However, seeing as how the mere idea of touching Bella in any fashion beyond just kissing her caused my mouth to suddenly swim in venom, I was positive that I wasn't up to that attempting that task... just yet. Satisfying my recently rampant curiosity about sex wasn't worth risking her life if my lust for her blood suddenly overwhelmed the lust for her body.

"He won't catch me," I promised as I swung her door open, and I proceeded to prove it by flitting to the bathroom, grabbing the glass off the counter and the bottle of Tylenol from the medicine cabinet and catching the door before it could close on the back swing.

I popped open the bottle of pills, shook two out into my hand, and gave them and the glass to her, along with a stern glare in case she tried to refuse me. She surprised me by obediently tossing them into her mouth and washing them down with the water I'd given her without a word. Her arm must really be bothering her.

With my piano music - her lullaby, actually - playing softly from the CD player, I looked her over critically, deciding that she needed to sleep... and I needed to think. The best way to accomplish both was to just put her in bed, climb in with her and hold her until she fell asleep. It might not be the best idea, considering what I needed to think about, but I didn't see any way to get out of it at the moment. The conversation I anticipated having with her soon was not one I wanted to have tonight. I would have to do it this way. And, selfishly, I was OK with that.

"It's late," I announced suddenly. Before she knew what was happening, I reached down and scooped her up in one arm, yanked the bed cover back with the other and laid her in bed gently with her head on her pillow. After I'd tucked her quilt in around her, I laid down next to her and wrapped my arm around her. She laid her head against my hard shoulder and sighed. The happiness I heard in the sound caused my face to twist in pain, and I was very glad that she was unable to see it.

"Thanks again," she whispered. It was so soft, I almost didn't hear it.

"You're welcome." I replied as softly.

We lay there listening to the music for awhile as I waited for her to drift off to sleep. My mind was whirling a thousand miles a minute with thoughts I didn't want to be thinking about.

Thoughts I had to think about.

I needed to find the strength to leave her. Somehow. After the near close call with Jasper, I knew deep down in my core that it was the right thing to do. The only thing to do.

The wrong thing to do would be to stay here and selfishly continue to endanger her life every time I was with her or brought her around my family. What happened to tonight was very mild compared to what could have happened.

Hell, her association with me had already almost gotten her killed by James! How many more close calls was it going to take before we realized that this just wouldn't work out between us?

I think that if I could have vomited from pain, that last thought would have caused it.

The CD drifted from Bella's Lullaby to the song I'd composed for Esme as a tribute to her love for Carlisle. I closed my eyes and listened, trying to shut out the painful thoughts and drown myself in the music as it played.

If only it was really that simple to die. What a pleasant way to go. Much better than the alternative... Ugh.

"What are you thinking about?" Bella sleepily asked out of the blue, totally taking me by surprise.

I had to think about it for a moment before I answered her. I didn't want to lie to her-that would have to happen soon enough as it was-but I didn't want to tell her the whole truth, either. Not tonight.

"I was thinking about right and wrong, actually." I answered as truthfully as I could. She deserved at least that. Just the same, I felt her shudder at my words.

Sometimes, I wondered who was reading whose mind.

"Remember how I decided that I wanted you to not ignore my birthday?" she asked me, a little too quickly. It was obvious to me that she was trying to distract me from whatever it was that I was thinking about.

"Yes," I admitted carefully, waiting for the punchline.

"Well, I was thinking that since it's still my birthday, that I'd like you to kiss me again." she twisted to look up at me. I smiled down at her.

"You're greedy tonight." There was nothing I wanted more at that very moment than to kiss her. OK. If I was honest with myself, I wanted a lot more than that, but a kiss would have to suffice. It might be the last one I ever get to experience.

"Yes, I am-but please, don't do anything you don't want to do," she snapped. Damn. Now I'd made her angry. That wasn't what I had set out to do.

I laughed, but there was no heart in it. Her words sobered me even further than I had already been. I was already facing having to do something I didn't want to do.

And it was killing me.

I sighed. "Heaven forbid that I should do anything I don't want to do," the words came out slightly strangled as my throat threatened to close off from the pain the thoughts of leaving her caused me... so much more potent now than the ache of my blood thirst for her.

I lightly grasped her chin and pulled her face up to lightly touch my lips to hers. One, I swore to myself. Just one soft, innocent kiss. And that's it. One last... kiss.

Gently, I held her chin as my lips moved on hers, much the same way they always did. It was familiar, this feeling. I'd grown accustomed to the feelings that kissing Bella evoked within me. The primal stirrings I felt. These were easy to control. Sometimes.

Right on cue, her heart started it's stuttering tempo as it reacted to my kiss. Hearing it thumping so erratically, and the smug feeling of hearing her breathing quicken almost made me smile, as it usually did.

And then it hit me. This was not the 'usual' kiss. This was my goodbye kiss. The chapter before the end game. The preparation for the exit scene.

I wasn't ready for this.

I'm not exactly sure what happened next.

Suddenly, of it's own volition, my free hand reached up, before I knew what I was even doing and tangled itself deeply into the hair at the base of her neck. I heard her breathing pick up even more in response, her hands tangled into my own hair. I felt my hand holding her tightly to my mouth, pressing on her neck to lock my mouth on hers as I kissed her with more urgency than I'd ever felt before.

Bella responded by crushing her body against mine, holding me tightly, and I could feel her delicious human heat through the quilt that separated us. We were too close, and at the same time, not near close enough. I wanted more.

Much more.

I wanted it _all_.

It was pain. So much pain. Not only was my throat flaming from the fire of my ever maddening, always present thirst, but my body was just as fiercely aching with the pain of wanting her in ways I could never have her, and all the while my mind throbbed with knowing that this was my goodbye. The agony of it all combined nearly crushed me.

I couldn't do this. I couldn't. I wouldn't survive it.

I had to.

Taking a deep, cleansing breath, trying to put out the various flames within me, I somewhat abruptly pushed her away...ending the kiss, and detangling my hand from her hair as gently as possible as I did so. She fell back against her pillow, still breathing heavily.

I knew how she felt. I felt like a complete criminal having done what I had just done to her. I would never be able to forgive myself for that. But, I knew I would carry the memory of that kiss with me for the rest of my existence.

"Sorry," I said.. still trying to calm my own heavy breathing. "That was out of line." I apologized softly.

"I don't mind," she panted, still out of breath.

I couldn't stop the frown I felt crease my face. "Try to sleep, Bella."

She'd been so cooperative all night, it surprised me when she argued back, "No, I want you to kiss me again."

The memory of our last kiss washed over me. I couldn't taint that perfect memory with a more chaste kiss. Despite how painful it was, leaving it as the last kiss we ever shared, I wanted to have that passion as the memory I clung to.

"You're overestimating my self-control." I muttered darkly.

"Which is tempting you more, my blood or my body?" she challenged quickly.

I chuckled despite the despair I felt. "It's a tie." and then I sighed. "Now, why don't you stop pushing your luck and go to sleep?"

"Fine," she huffed, snuggling closer to me. I felt her slyly shift her injured arm so that it was pressed against my shoulder. I could feel the heat coming from the wound, and guessed at the reason she had done so... it was paining her. I shifted my body to make it easier for her to access the chill of my skin and she sighed in contentment, the heat in the stitches lessening in response to the coolness of my touch.

Well, at least I was good for something.

My mind was whirling with the images of our final kiss, and my whole body tightened in reply, and I felt the slight secretion of venom begin again. My throat felt as if it shriveled from the dry, parched heat as I breathed in deeply through my nose and mouth over and over again, concentrating on breathing in Bella's own beautiful, mouth watering scent... committing it clearly and firmly to my perfect memory.

My perfect _vampiric_ memory.

As I thought the last, I felt Bella shudder down into the final stages of sleep, and decided that it was a fitting response for her to have. When it came to me, it was the first one she'd ever had.


	3. The End

**This fiction is an EPOV of New Moon - written very much in the style of Midnight Sun. As such, I have re-purposed the dialog from the book whenever Edward and his family are with Bella. But the thoughts, feelings and the story line of Edward and his family away from Bella have been created by me.**

**That being said, ALL of the Characterizations all belong to S. Meyer - with absolutely NO copyright infringement intended whatsoever, and this story is meant purely for entertainment purposes only.**

3. The End

By the time that the muted light of dawn broke in through Bella's bedroom window, I'd made my decision. I expected my phone to ring, the caller ID lighting up with Alice's phone number, but it stayed silent. I guess she was respecting the pain she must have known I was in and was allowing me time to deal with it.

Or, she was just really wrapped up in Jasper. It was hard to say with her.

As Bella tossed and turned painfully throughout the night, I alternately held her to cool her down, or wrapped her in the blanket to warm her, and then retreated to the rocking chair in the corner of the room to think.

Make that... think more. As if I wasn't already twisting in agony. Ugh.

I'd come to the decision that leaving would be the best thing for Bella, and the right thing for me to do. She deserved a chance for a normal life. A life spent in the sunshine, with a boy that could love her in every way. A life with me held neither of those things as a viable option. A life with me meant living in the rain and never knowing what physical love really was. I just couldn't do that to her. I wouldn't do that to her.

_I think those two phrases have become my own personal mantra. Damn._

Over the course of the extremely long evening, starting when Jasper had first taken his snap at Bella, all the way through to this moment, I'd considered all the ramifications of leaving her. I'd also thrown around every excuse that I could possibly come up with in favor of staying.

For every point in favor of, though, there was a good reason against it. I had a big problem with that.

Every time the 'against' column took another marker, one more searing pain twisted my body and made me gag in response. I felt like I would die on the spot. I wasn't sure how I would manage saying goodbye to her yet, but I knew that I would... and it would have to be soon.

Running home through the forests to change clothes and get my car, I found my mind, yet again, wandering over the decisions made, and the events of the last few hours.

_ Long before I was ready for her to, Bella stretched and rolled over on her back, fighting waking up. I stayed where I was... sitting quietly in the old rocking chair in the corner of the room. I knew that I would need to start emotionally pulling away from her now, so that in a few days, when the rest of the family was ready, it wouldn't be so hard for her to accept my lies when I said them to her._

_ Yawning sleepily, Bella slowly sat up and rubbed her eyes. All at once she clutched her head, and with a grimace, announced that she felt like she'd been hit by a truck.. without ever saying a word. I didn't need to be able to get into her head to see that she was pretty worse for the wear after the events of the previous evening._

_ Slowly she released her head and dropped her hand to the bed, feeling around, I assumed, for me. Her eyes flew open and her head just about spun off her shoulders looking for me when her hand hit the empty space where I would normally be when she awoke. When she finally saw me sitting silent and still in the corner, the frown I knew all too well creased her forehead and her eyes narrowed silently in worry._

_ I asked her how she was feeling, trying to keep the heavy concern out of my tone. I still loved her as much as I had before all of this happened, if not more, but I strove to keep it out of my voice... keeping my tone distant and detached. I knew I couldn't make the break totally clean and just leave now, because that would hurt her more than necessary, but I knew that I needed to start withdrawing now. Bella's shrug indicated that she felt fine, which I knew already was a lie, but I didn't argue with her. As she searched my face warily, looking for some external reason for my inner remote behavior, I kissed her on the forehead before slipping out of her window and dropping silently to the ground, one story below._

"If there is really a God in Heaven, please Sir, give me the strength to do this." I muttered aloud to myself as I turned down the long gravel driveway leading up to the main house.

Slowing to a stop a few yards from the front door, I found Alice waiting for me on the front steps, sadness written on every line of her beautiful doll's face. I wasn't surprised to find her there.

_Are you sure we have to go, Edward? _she asked me silently, regret lacing every word. I was momentarily surprised at her use of the plural, meaning my whole family was leaving, but, now that she made me think about it, I had actually been seeing the whole family gone, not just me, when I was making my decisions throughout the extraordinarily long night.

'Yes, Alice. I truly believe that it would be the best thing for Bella if the whole family left, and we just let Bella go on about her human life as if we had never entered it." I whispered, practically choking on the words before they could even leave my mouth. "Trust me, I've been agonizing over it all night."

She nodded. _I know, I was watching for your decisions after what happened with Jazz. I had a feeling that it would come down to this. For awhile, you had the future pretty muddy, but a few hours before dawn, it suddenly cleared, and I saw all of us packing to leave. _Her topaz eyes pleaded with me to change my mind, but I knew I wouldn't. No matter how badly it hurt all of us, it _was_for the best.

Alice sighed heavily, dropped her chin onto her palms, her elbows on her drawn up knees and stared at me, trying by sheer force of will to change my mind. Shoving my hands into my pockets to wait her out, I returned her look stubbornly and stayed silent.

_I disagree with you, Edward. _she said. _I know you believe what you believe, but I think that Bella is much stronger than you give her credit for. I mean, look at how she has grown up! She is so clumsy, constantly hurting herself... can't walk on even ground without falling down, and she has managed to reach eighteen just fine. _She finished the last with a loud mental snort that had so much attitude attached to it, it almost made me smile. Almost.

"Yeah... that's true." I agreed. "But that was also before she had a full family of vampires come into her life, Alice. You can't deny that we are a danger to her." I stated, and before she could argue with me, I said, "If not from us directly, as what happened with Jasper, then from others who are curious about our association with her. Our scent and hers mingled together would be enough to bring any nomad in the area searching for her out of curiosity."

I went over and squatted down in front of her, locking eyes with her significantly. "And you remember what happens when they find her." And then I waited to see what she would recall.

In Alice's mind bloomed an image of Bella laying on the wooden floor of the ballet studio in a pool of her own blood, writhing in agony from the results of a bite inflicted when nomadic vampire James caught up with her in Phoenix.

I watched as Alice's perfect memory recalled visual pictures of myself sucking the venom out of Bella's sweet blood. Immediately, my entire body lit up with a craving so strong that I gasped aloud at the recollection of how amazing it tasted on my tongue. I squirmed uncomfortably, and Alice's face was immediately apologetic.

The vision abruptly vanished.

"Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to do that to you," she whispered.

"It's OK Alice. I think you understand now where I'm coming from, and why we need to leave. She has had nothing but bad luck since we met, and I can't bear to keep doing that to her." I shook my head and sighed, my body clenching again in raw pain at speaking the words.

Alice nodded silently, and then flashed in her crystal memory a picture of Bella in the hospital room, hooked up to monitors with a tube up her nose, and a cast on her broken leg from the same encounter that had introduced her to James.

"Yes. Exactly."

"I understand why you think we need to leave," Alice qualified quietly, "But it doesn't mean that I completely agree with you." I sighed. I knew how much she loved Bella. It hurt me deeply that I had let their friendship blossom as strongly as it had. But I felt deep in my bones this was something we had to do.

Standing up again, I looked down at Alice as she sat on the steps and held out my hand to help her up.

"Do you want to ride to school with me today?" I asked, and then dropped my hand as I heard the answer in her mind.

_No, I think since we are leaving anyway, I might as well tell Jazz and we can be on our way a little earlier. It'll hurt too much for me to have to tell Bella goodbye. She is... or _was_... the first girl friend that I've ever had. _Alice sighed and frowned, staying where she was as I patted her on the shoulder and headed into the house to change.

I was hoping to make it up to my bedroom without running into any other family members, but Esme was waiting for me in the living room, sitting on the couch with an expression on her timelessly beautiful face very similar to the one that dominated Alice's demeanor just moments ago.

_Well, it looks like the word is out. Thanks, Alice._I sighed, slowing my pace to come to a stop before Esme.

_Alice said we are leaving._ It was more of a statement then a question. I nodded silently. _Are you sure there is no way that we can work this out, Edward?_she implored mutely.

I shook my head. "No. I sat last night and tried to think of every possible way for us to stay, and every reason to stay had a reason to go attached to it." I explained quietly. "I think it's best if the rest of the family starts packing up what we need and store the rest. It'll only be a year or so, and then Bella will graduate and move on and we can come back, if that is still what everyone wants. I'm sure she will want to get out of Forks as quickly as she can... back to the sunshine and away from the memories here." I finished sadly, remorse twisting my stomach as I saw Esme's face drop in grief, unable to meet my gaze any longer.

_You were so happy. I thought at last you had found someone you could love. _She thought sadly. I couldn't resist anymore and went sit down and wrap my arms around her.

"I do love her, Mom. That's exactly why I have to go. I can't keep putting her in danger." I told her, my own grief creeping into my voice as I spoke.

Esme pulled back in my arms slightly and regarded me intently, her beautiful topaz gaze boring deep into my eyes. In her mind, I saw a hazy vision solidifying of Bella with bright, crimson irises, and smooth, white skin that sparkled rainbows in the sunlight. For a second, I was  
>entranced by the sight. Like diamonds, she'd once told me. Abruptly, I recoiled at the thought.<p>

"No, Esme. I can't damn her to this life just because I want to keep her with me. It's not fair to her." Still... a part of me wished that I was selfish enough to do exactly that.

_ But if it's what she wants... _she thought desperately. I shook my head with a vengeance.

"No. She doesn't know what she wants. She doesn't know enough about this existence to be able to make that choice. She's only seen the product of hundreds of years of practice." I gritted my teeth against the agony I felt again at leaving her. I stood up and squeezed Esme's shoulder.

"When Carlisle and Emmett get back from hunting, let them know what is going on, and have everyone start packing up. I'm going to take a few days to pull away from her, so our leaving won't be as traumatic." _I hope_, I silently amended. "Just put everything we are not taking with us in storage. If we decide to come back, we wouldn't have as much to move. She will be graduating this next year, and I'm sure she'll move to Florida with her mom. Or somewhere else that's sunny, like she deserves. She never really liked it here." I finished on a whisper.

Esme stood up with me and wrapped her arm around my waist, laying her head against my chest. _I wish there was another way, my son. I know what she means to you._Gently, I kissed her chestnut hair.

"Me too, Mom. Me too"

Finally making it upstairs, I changed clothes quickly, and then headed out to the garage to get my car. All during the drive back to Forks, I silently agonized over the best, least hurtful way to handle this situation. Bella was already wary of my actions.. already expecting the worst. I saw that much in her eyes this morning as I left her. For the last time. Again I prayed to a God I wasn't completely sure existed to give me the strength that I knew I didn't have.

I pulled into the school's parking lot and parked in my normal space, the one that no one ever took, even when I wasn't there, for fear of retaliation from I, or my strange, something other than normal, family.

Shutting the car off quickly, I got out of the car and leaned against it to wait for Bella to arrive in her beat up Chevy truck. I wished that I had been able to at least talk her into letting me buy her a decent vehicle before I left. Maybe I should have tried harder. Of course, every time the argument came up, I didn't know that I'd soon be leaving her to fend for herself.

Too soon, Bella pulled into the lot and parked her truck a few spaces down from where I leaned against my car. Sucking in a steadying breath and burying all of my pain deep inside where I hoped it wouldn't show, I quickly walked over to Bella's truck and opened the door for her as she shut off the engine. She climbed gingerly out of the truck, obviously having a rough morning.

Oh great. That ought to make this day just that much more difficult. Damn.

"How do you feel?" I asked politely.

"Perfect," she replied, lying through her teeth and flinching as I slammed the truck door. Oh yes. A rough morning indeed.

Silently, we walked off towards our first class together. I had to slow my already frustratingly slow 'human' walk even more to keep up with Bella's slower than normal pace this morning. I knew the reason she was moving so slowly was her suspicion that not all was well in our world, and that was her body's unconscious 'tell' letting me know.

She was correct, of course, in her suspicions, but unless she asked me directly, I wasn't going to say anything about it. I needed a little more time for my family to finish getting our own affairs in order before I had to confront Bella about our leaving. I buried the stab of pain, fought back the gasp that came along with it, and used both to steel my resolve.

Throughout the impossibly long day, I avoided starting any unnecessary conversations with Bella, preferring to stay silent and remote unless she spoke to me directly. A few times during the day, I asked her how her arm was doing, without managing to sound overly concerned about her welfare. She always replied with a somewhat tense, one word answer, and refused to look at me. I knew she was lying, and that it hurt more than she was letting on, but I let it pass, refusing to get into a conversation about it.

This was a lot harder than I had thought it would be.

When it was time for lunch, I met Bella outside of her classroom as always, and we walked together to the cafeteria. As we walked into the building, she was anxious and fidgety and probably the most animated that I'd seen her all day, obviously looking for someone. I guessed who it was that she was looking for, and she wasn't going to find them, but I didn't say anything, waiting for her to ask.

Finally, her anxiety got the best of her. When we arrived at our empty lunch table that was normally occupied by Alice and Jasper by the time we got here, she turned to look around the cafeteria in confusion. We sat in silence at our table with Bella's untouched lunch and my lunch 'props', and tried to look like we were having a day like any other normal day.  
>Yeah right.<p>

"Where's Alice?" Bella finally asked in a strained voice. It was very obvious that she had been hoping to talk to her... I assumed about me.

I'd been slowly shredding a granola bar, waiting for her to eventually crack from the stress. It looked like the wait was over. I didn't look at her and was careful to keep my face impassive when I answered.

"She's with Jasper."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her look at me with concern. "Is he okay?"

"He's gone away for awhile." Again, I worked to keep my voice mild... indifferent.

"What? Where?" Bella asked, sounding somewhat frantic.

"Nowhere in particular." I said, shrugging. Maybe I was over doing this a little. But, as I sneaked a peek at her through my lashes, I knew that I wasn't. I wasn't trying to hurt her. But I needed her to see the change in our relationship. After last night, it would never be the same. It was different now, and always would be. It had to be because of what I was.

"And, Alice, too," she whispered, sounding desperate.

I nodded. "Yes. She'll be gone for awhile. She was trying to convince him to go to Denali."

The only other family of vampires we knew of that chose to live the way we did-living off the blood of animals instead of humans-had made their home in Denali. It was a safe place for us to run to when we needed time away. I'd spent a week there just after I'd met Bella for the first time, attempting to clear my mind of her mouth watering scent, get my head back on straight, and to talk myself out of my desperate desire for her blood..

It was logical for Jasper to spend some time there with Alice to get his composure back after his near attack on Bella. It was a good idea for him to get away, and yet at the same time, to spend that time around people who lived as we do, so the temptation wouldn't come back to haunt him again. It was already much harder on him than it was for any of us. The big majority of our family had chosen, through being created by Carlisle, to live as he did, right from day one. There had been some exceptions to this, of course. Some of us had spent time away to test ourselves, to find our way in the world, but we'd all come back to the life he'd shown us... preferring not to live in the way judged as a normal part of the canon for the monsters we'd became.

Jasper had spent hundreds of years killing and feeding whenever he'd needed to, or wanted to, on whomever was available at the time he became hungry. Our different, 'vegetarian', lifestyle had from the start been extremely tough on him just on that virtue alone. He suffered from his thirst a lot more than any of us ever had. I hoped she was able to convince him to go. Their support would help him a lot.

I glanced up as Bella swallowed with some difficulty and bowed her head. Her shoulders slumped, and it took everything I had not to reach out and put my arms around her and pull her against me. Fighting myself to swallow the rush of venom that simple thought of holding her in my arms brought gushing into my mouth, I was rudely reminded again of my reasons behind why I was doing this.

"Is your arm bothering you?" I asked, straining keep my question one of simple curiosity.

"Who cares about my stupid arm?" Bella mumbled, obviously disgusted as she laid her head down on the table.

I didn't look at her, and I didn't reply, but if I had possessed a working, beating heart, it would have just broken apart into a million shattered pieces.

As the day drew to a close, I met Bella outside her gym class and we walked silently to her truck. Just before we arrived, she turned to me, having decided, finally, to break the silence looming between us.

"You'll come over later tonight?"

Surprised by her use of future tense as opposed to current, I parroted, "Later?"

"I have to work," she explained. "I had to trade with Mrs. Newton to get yesterday off."

"Oh," I replied. Not sure what else to say, I waited silently.

"So you'll come over when I'm home, though, right?" her voice sounded none too sure about my reply.

"If you want me to." I replied distantly. It was tearing me up inside, but too many decades of deceiving humans for my own self preservation had kicked in, and despite what it was doing to us both, I couldn't stop it now.

"I always want you to." she replied vehemently.

"All right, then," I responded, tonelessly.

I opened the door for her, and waited for her to get in so that I could close the door behind her. Instead of climbing in, she turned to me with a slightly less than hopeful expression on her face. I kissed her on the forehead and shut the door, turning to jog back to my own car without a backward look. As I let myself into the car, I heard Bella's decrepit truck fire to life and chug laboriously out of the parking lot towards her home.

Only now that I was alone in the relative privacy of my car, did I allow myself to break my carefully crafted facade. I sat there for a long minute, breathing deeply, clenching and unclenching my hands, trying to get control of the emotions that threatened to overwhelm me. How badly did I want to change these last few days? I wasn't sure that there was a scale that could accurately measure the pain that I was feeling at this moment.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Edward?" I raged at myself aloud, hoping that the sound of my own voice would pull me out of the pit I had thrown myself in. "Why did you let this go on for so long? Now, everyone is going to be hurt, and it's all your _fault_!"

I sat there for several more minutes, my eyes squeezed tightly shut, pressing my palms to my forehead. Finally, when I felt some measure of control returning, I was able to open my eyes and look out through the rain dappled windshield at the gray clouds hovering in the storm darkened sky.

"You did it, because you love her." I whispered to myself. "And because you love her still, you will walk away. She deserves a life. She deserves happiness."

Starting the car, I drove home without remembering much of the drive. Parking in the garage, I let myself in through the back door and walked into the living room to a small pile of boxes. Books, it looked like mostly, probably from Carlisle's office. I sighed, not wanting to face him now, knowing that I needed to. Stuffing my hands in my pockets, I went in search of Carlisle.

I found him in his office, in the midst of another pile of boxes, stacks of papers and books, his shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows, where he was putting yet more books into more boxes. He looked up when I came in the door, his eyes showing his sadness at what he already knew I was feeling.

_Hello son,_ he greeted me silently. _It's been a rough few days for you, hasn't it?_

I shrugged, not knowing what to say. He turned his back to me to pull a large medical book off the shelf and slide it into the box.

_Are you sure this is the only thing we can do? I know what she means to you. Can you handle it? Can she? _Doubt filled his mind as he looked at me over his shoulder.

I felt my grimace at his mental mention of Bella. "I don't see any other way, Carlisle. She doesn't belong in our world. I can't keep putting her in danger." I rasped, hearing my pain and anger come out in every word. Once the words started, I couldn't seem to stop them. They poured out of me like water from a broken dam.

"Oh, for the love of all that's holy! Look what's happened to her already because of me!" I cried out, throwing my hands in the air.

"First, James attacks her, breaks her leg, almost severs her femoral artery so that she bleeds to death, and then to top it all off, the monster _bit _her, infecting her with his venom! She almost died because of me!" I raged, pacing the length of the study as Carlisle stood by his desk, quietly waiting for my anger to run its course.

"Then, at the birthday party that we throw for her, my _own_ adopted brother tries to attack and kill her because she gets a paper cut trying to open her present. A _paper cut_!" I growled out the last, flinging myself down on the couch in Carlisle's study in disgust.

The couch protested with a sharp creak. I flinched at the sound it made, but didn't move beyond that. The sound worked to bring me flying up out of my own internal hell I'd been creating to roast myself in, and I had to pause a moment to remember where I was.

"How can I _not _leave her, Father?" I hissed, abruptly faltering in my rant, ending with a low groan of agony as I squeezed my eyes shut again, trying to block out the hurtful memories of Bella's pain.

I truly was a monster.

Carlisle came to sit next to me on the sofa. Patting my shoulder, he sat in silence for a moment, gathering his thoughts.

"Edward, I know that you love her.. and that you want to do what is best for her. Your heart, so to speak, is in the right place. You always do what is right. If you feel that this is the path that we should take as a family to protect Bella, then we have to agree with you." He said in his normal matter-of-fact tone.

How I wished that I was truly the man that my father thought me to be. As long as I existed, I would never stop trying to become that person, and I knew I would always fall short. At least to my own way of thinking.

"It's killing me," I admitted softly. Carlisle's light amber colored eyes revealed the sorrow he felt for me.

"I know, son." he nodded, and the sympathy dripping from his voice made me feel even worse. "No doubt it will be just as difficult for Bella as well. It won't be any easier on your Mother. She was so happy that you had finally found someone you could love."

"I've already talked to Mom about it, " I admitted. "She is hurting... and I hate that I'm doing this to everyone... but she does understand." My shoulders sagged in defeat. "If only I hadn't let it go on this long.. it wouldn't have ever had to come to this."

Carlisle stood up, ruffling my hair as he did so. I didn't move, although it usually bothered me when he did that. _You can't help who you love, Edward. It chooses you sometimes._ he walked back to his bookshelf and pulled off a few more books. _It was just your time to fall_.

After I'd left Carlisle to his packing, I spent some time in my own room, carelessly throwing things into boxes of my own. I couldn't honestly remember what went into what box. My mind was elsewhere, thinking ahead to tonight's ordeal with Bella. Sad that I thought of it that way, when my time with her used to be the high point of my endless days.

Shifting some of the seemingly endless volumes of my journals out of the way to pick up a few papers to add to a box, I came across an object that momentarily stopped my breathing and froze any other movement I was in the act of making.

Finally, after a long moment of just staring at it, I reached out and ran the tip of my finger through the light layer of dust that coated the metal lid to a Lemonade bottle. Slowly dragging in a steadying breath, I managed to get my fingers working enough to pick it up and bring it in for a closer look.

Holding it in my hand, the metal not warming to my icy touch, I remembered the day that I had stolen it away from Bella at lunch, keeping it as a souvenir of our first _real_conversation.

That was also the day that Bella's Lullaby had made itself known to me, and I had spent the remainder of the afternoon lovingly stroking the ivory keys of my beautiful Baby Grand Piano until the composition for the song - an unspoken tribute to my love for her - was born. The metal top to her juice bottle from lunch had sat on the piano and given me inspiration to continue the song when it had looked as though it would have a melancholy ending. Out of all the music I had written and composed over the decades, it was by far my most favorite song. And, I suspected it always would be.

Carefully wiping off the remainder of the dust, I gently slid the bottle cap into a small box of precious mementos that would be making the trip away from Forks.

_Away from Bella,_my mind silently screamed at me, and my jaw tightened.

Well, wherever I ended up, the lemonade lid would be with me.

Driving back to into Forks on my way to Bella's house, my mind swam with different images of our short, ill-fated relationship. I memorized each one of them as they materialized in front of me, her sweet and beautiful face with her deep brown eyes, the feel of her soft warm skin, and the way it looked and smelled when the blush touched her face, knowing that they would be the only thing keeping me sane in the coming years... the coming decades. Forever.

Agony so strong gripped me so suddenly that I almost wrecked the car when my hands locked on the steering wheel. I pulled over to the side of the road and took a few minutes to clear the pain and loosen my grip on the wheel.

When I was sufficiently in control again, I continued the now too familiar drive to Chief Swan's home. That was the way I forced myself to think about it now. His home. Bella, for the most part, needed to become a stranger to me. I needed to pretend that she did not exist as anything to me other than my friend if I was going to have any hope of pulling this off.

Uh huh. Yeah. Right. I snorted.

Pulling up to the curb, I was somewhat surprised to see that the decrepit old Chevy wasn't sitting in the driveway yet. Well, it looked like I would have some time to say my goodbye's to Charlie. I mentally choked on the word, but I knew it was the proper one to use. Shutting off the car, I slowly climbed out and walked to the house.

Charlie, with surprise written all over his face, opened the door to my polite knock and stood in the doorway, not quite sure what to think about seeing me without Bella.

"Hello, Chief Swan," I said, quietly, hearing the surprise in his mind turn to suspicion, wondering why I was here without his daughter, and why I was being so formal.

"Edward," he roughly greeted me. "Bella's not home yet-" he left off awkwardly, his mind suddenly registering the fact that it had to be obvious to me that she wasn't there.

"I know that Sir. I'm sorry for bothering you, but I was already in the area, and since I was planning on coming over tonight anyway, I hoped you wouldn't mind if I waited here for Bella to get home from work." I explained, with an shy grin that usually put humans at ease, even when I was lying through my teeth, as was the case here.

I knew she wasn't home, I just didn't feel like sitting at home and prolonging the agony any longer.

"Oh. Okay. Well.. sure, Edward. Come on in," Charlie backed up and let me inside. I followed him into the living room, and made myself comfortable in the armchair as he headed for the kitchen. I heard Charlie in the refrigerator, rustling around, trying to find something to drink, by the sound of his thoughts, muttering to himself that they needed to go grocery shopping. I couldn't help but smile, in spite of myself.

I turned my attention to the television, watching, but not really registering the cheesy sitcom that was playing. Off in the distance, I could already hear Bella's old truck as it loudly lumbered up the street two blocks away.

"Would you like something to drink, Edward?" Charlie called from the kitchen, his head still stuck in the refrigerator.

"No, thank you anyway, Chief Swan. I ate before I came over." I called back. I heard him mutter something about me never eating and that he wondered how I managed to stay alive all these years.

I had to smother the nearly hysterical cackles that bubbled up at that thought, covering my mouth with my hand. If only he knew.

Satisfied at last, he came into the living room, beer in hand, and slouched down on the sofa, just minutes before Bella pulled into the driveway. The truck groaned and sputtered into silence, and it was a long minute before I heard the door slam, indicating that she had climbed out and was coming inside.

Not for the first time, I suddenly wished that I could hear what she was thinking before she walked into the room. Settling down deeper into the chair, I flipped my emotional switch to "off" and prepared to give the performance of my life.

_Existence. _I amended, an inky black feeling intruding into my thoughts._ This is no life._ _Besides... _w_hatever it is, or was... it will never be the same._

"Dad? Edward?" Bella called from outside, not even through the front door yet. From the sound of her voice, she was in a hurry to get into the house.

_Great,_ I thought sarcastically, _she's in a hurry for me to hurt her. Wonderful._

ESPN SportsCenter came on the television and I trained my eyes on it, staying silent.

Charlie flashed me a quick look of curiosity before he called back, "In here," from where we sat in the living room. I pretended I didn't see it.

Bella came around the corner into the living room. I saw her from the corner of my eye, but didn't say anything, and kept my eyes on the TV.

"Hi," she said in a strained voice. I ignored her.

"Hey, Bella," Charlie answered her, his eyes focused on the set. "We just had cold pizza. I think it's still on the table."

I hid my surprise at being included in the eating of pizza-a human food I never could stand. My stomach turned at the very thought of it. He must not want her to worry at my lack of an appetite.

"Okay." she said, but didn't move. I realized that she was waiting on some reaction from me.

Fixing a remote smile on my face, I turned and met her troubled gaze quickly. "I'll be right behind you," I lied smoothly as I turned my eyes back to the television and the show I was not really watching. I really had no intentions of following her. I wasn't going to give her anymore reason to count on me.

Bella didn't move for a full minute, staring at me as I sat there in the chair, pretending to watch television with her father. Her heart thumped in alarm, and I heard her when she finally raced away into the kitchen to plop down into a chair next to the table.

It took every ounce of self control I had not to follow her in there, wrap my arms around her, and tell her it would be alright.

It would never be alright. And I was doing what I had to do.

But, I still felt like the monster I was for doing it.

Sitting the armchair, I started to feel rather ridiculous, positive that Charlie would get suspicious of the reasons I was sitting there and ask me why I wasn't in the kitchen with Bella while she ate. I could have told him that she wasn't even eating, just sitting there, trying to control her panic - from the sound of her breathing - but his eyes never strayed from the TV.

I never understood how the human male could get so involved in sports of any kind. It was so completely lost on me.

I might as well have been invisible for all the attention he paid me as we sat there, alone together in the living room. But, that was fine. I didn't have the heart, nor the inclination, to try and make idle small talk with him tonight, knowing he didn't like me already. It was enough that he would hate me when I left his only daughter in pain.

A few minutes later, my ever sensitive hearing picked out the sounds of Bella heading upstairs. Her heart rate still hadn't returned to normal, but whatever had stressed her out previously seemed to have abated somewhat. I knew what was stressing her out... my behavior. Well.. I couldn't help that.

As Charlie and I sat there, aimlessly watching television, (seriously, how _did_he do this all night long every night?) I heard Bella moving around in her room upstairs. Curious, but not curious enough to get up and go and see what she was up to, I stayed where I was.

Eventually though, I heard her footsteps heading back downs the stairs. It sounded like she was attempting, Heaven only knew why, to sneak up on us. She should have known better than that. I didn't react when she came around the corner, even though I knew she was there.

Didn't react, that is, until she snapped a picture of Charlie and I with her birthday camera.

Charlie flinched in surprise, and out of the corner of my eye as I turned to look at her, I saw he did also, a frown of surprise on his face. I calmly kept the emotion off my face as I did so.

"What are you doing, Bella?" Charlie moaned.

"Oh, come on." Bella tried to force a smile that didn't quite work as she sat on the floor in front of where Charlie sat on the sofa. "You know Mom will be calling soon to ask if I'm using my presents. I have to get to work here before she gets her feelings hurt."

I tried not to pay attention to their awkward banter. This whole show was hard enough for me to sit through as it was. I couldn't let myself look at Bella any more than I had to to remain polite. It was hard enough to keep my eyes off of her.. from drinking in her beautiful face and committing it to memory. I knew if I looked at her, my goal for the evening would be lost, and I wouldn't be able to look away from her.

Damn. _Somebody remind me again why I'm doing this?_I thought helplessly, trying to refrain from gritting my teeth.

"Why are you taking pictures of me, though? Charlie muttered, to no effect.

"Because you're so handsome, and because, since you bought the camera, you're obligated to be one of my subjects." she shot back, straining to keep her tone light.

I couldn't help the mental snort. I knew how that felt. Light and casual. It never worked for me. It always ended up heavy and intense. I should just give it up.

Charlie muttered something so low, even my ears strained to pick it up but weren't able to.

Hey, Edward," Bella called, surprising me for a second. "Take one of me and Dad together." she requested, sounding mildly bored with the idea. I knew better. She refused to look me in the eye as she tossed the camera to me. I caught it easily and waited as she kneeled down next to the arm of the couch where Charlie sat. He tried to stifle a sigh, and didn't quite make it.

"You need to smile, Bella," I prompted quietly as I trained the camera on them and focused it in. She tried to push a smile, and failed horribly, but I snapped the shot anyway, not wanting to prolong the moment.

"Let me take one of you kids," Charlie suggested. I was surprised at first; usually anything had to do with Bella and I together, he was against, but I figured that this time, he was just trying to get out of being included in anymore photos. I stood up, tossing the camera to him. It was the least I could do for him, knowing what was in his immediate future.

Bella crossed the small space to come and stand beside me. I lightly put my arm around her shoulder, attempting to keep a space between our bodies. Even at this slight distance, the heat pouring off of her felt like a small heater, and it was all I could do to stand still when she wrapped her arm around my waist and pulled me tight next to her side.

Somehow, I managed to keep from grinding my teeth in frustration. I'm not exactly sure how.

"Smile, Bella," Charlie reminded her.

She took a deep breath, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw the grimace she tried to pass off as a smile as the camera flashed, just about blinding me. I had to blink a few times to restore my sight. I hated camera flashes. They were so hard on my sensitive eyes.

"Enough pictures for tonight," Charlie said, stuffing the camera in the sofa cushions and sitting on top of it, so she couldn't retrieve it easily. "You don't have to use up the whole roll now."

I dropped my hand and as quickly and casually as I could without hurting her, stepped away from Bella's grasp and dropped back down into the armchair again, returning my gaze to the television set. That closeness to her, even for as short of a time as it was, did a number on my self control. I really needed the distance.

Thankfully, although sadly and much to my immediate relief, Bella chose to retake her seat on the floor next to Charlie instead of curling up on the floor next to me, or perching on the armchair. If she had done either of those things, I knew that I would have given up and just taken her into my arms and apologized over and over again for hurting her.

_Damn. Be strong, Edward. Remember, you're doing what's best for her, because she doesn't know enough to do it for herself. _I silently reminded myself over and over again as we sat in silence and watched the TV.

She had pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her chin on them, but her eyes wide and blank as she watched the screen, and I knew she saw as little of the show as I did. Near the start, she had hidden her shaking hands from my sight, tucking them in next to her stomach, but I knew that she was finally aware now that something was terribly wrong with me... with us.

It hurt so much for me to realize that she knew that a big change was looming on the horizon for us, but I also knew that it was a good thing. Or, that it would be, for her, in the end. Even if she didn't know it right now, ultimately, a life without me, would really be _life_

_ And much better than the non-life she was dreaming about having with me._

Too soon, and not soon enough, the show ended, and I knew that it was time to break one more of the ties that bound us together. I would purposely not be staying the night tonight.

Every other time I had to stay away, it was usually because I was needing to hunt, or because she was sick or tired, and needed her rest. This would be the first time since we started our relationship that I was voluntarily staying away. There were no other excuses.

I stood up slowly. From the corner of my eye, I saw Bella glance at me for the first time since she'd sat down. She'd been unmoving and silent the whole time she'd sat here.

"I'd better get home, " I stated quietly. Charlie didn't even look away from the television.

"See ya," he said.

_No, Charlie, you won't._

Bella slowly got up from the floor, moving stiffly from sitting so still for so long and followed me as I walked out the front door.

Walking directly to my car, I paused at the door, turning to look back at her.

"Will you stay?" she asked, but I could tell from the tone of her voice, she already knew what the answer would be. I wouldn't prolong her agony.

"Not tonight." I said, and without kissing her, even on the forehead, I climbed into my car, started it up and pulled away from the curb.

Even though I knew I should, I couldn't resist looking into the rear view mirror as I drove up the street. My stomach twisted into a knot when I saw her standing there, completely oblivious to the rain that had started pouring down on her.

When I walked through the door at home, I wasn't surprised to find my big brother Emmett in the house. Besides Rose, he was the only one I hadn't talked to about leaving yet. And I didn't care what she thought. She was leaving whether she wanted to or not.

He stood planted like an Oak tree in the marble tiled entryway, his heavily muscled arms crossed against his burly chest, silently waiting for me. Damn. I'd forgotten how immense he was.

He was his own country.

"Oh Hell." I swore silently under my breath.

The look on his face made it plain that he'd already heard we were leaving... and I could tell by the tone of his thoughts, he wasn't happy about it. Much to Rose's dismay, he loved Bella almost as much as I did.

"Em, I -" I started. His dark gold eyes narrowing, he uncrossed his arms and held a hand up to stop me, before I went any further. Surprised, my mouth snapped shut with an audible click of my teeth, and I waited.

"First off, I'm going to say that I think you are a complete idiot." he stated with nasty snarl.

My eyebrows went up, and I blinked at him. Emmett rarely stopped to think about how he reacted to things... he just did it, and thought about the consequences of it later. My older brother was very much a 'live for the moment' kind of guy. He wore his emotions on his sleeve and felt things very deeply. I still hadn't expected this from him, though. It was almost like he was taking it personally. I was a little confused by his reaction to this, truth to be told. He usually supported my choices, no questions asked.

"Well, it sounds like you and Rose actually agree about me for a change," I commented dryly. He shook his head.

"No, that's not what I mean," He said, almost growling the words." If you love Bella, like you say you do, then how can you just leave her like this?" he nearly spat out the last, flashing his perfect white teeth as he did so. The threat that went along with that show of teeth was painfully clear.

I tensed, fighting against dropping into a self protective fighting crouch, not wanting to encourage him, (or give him ideas!) and not at _all_unsure what his intentions were. I could see them, both in his body language, and in his mind, quite plainly.

The thought immediately in his head was that he would love to rip my arms off, and I didn't _really _want it to come to that. I liked my arms right where they were, thank you very much.

"If you'll just give me a chance to explain-" I tried again, and he stepped forward, menacingly, his hands curling into huge fists. Seeing this, I backed up a step, giving in to the desire for self preservation.

"Emmett, seriously-" Instantly, I was met with a sharp snarl from him that didn't allow me to finish, and again he stepped towards me. I backed up another step in response, finally dropping partially down into my fighting crouch and raising my arms in defense, palms out. His thoughts were ugly, promising all sorts of nasty physical torture. Again, I took a step back.

_I know he loves her, for crying out loud, but he is over-reacting just a bit here,_I thought frantically, glancing around for an exit route. There really wasn't one.

Crap.

Emmett didn't drop into his own fighting crouch, which made me breathe a little easier, but he also continued to advance on me, which did _not _make me feel any better. He flashed an evil smile, and at the last second - about the same time I felt it - I saw in his thoughts that he'd backed me against the wall of glass next to the door. Rather than risk getting thrown bodily through that wall and shattering the glass, (as well as various body parts of my own..) I dropped my hands, laced my fingers together behind my back, and stood up from my crouch.

"Edward, I'm not going to rip your arms off," he growled, though his voice still held the treat of it.

"Oh really?" I shot back sarcastically. "That's not what _I_see." I snapped, reminding him in his rage that I knew what he was thinking. Abruptly, the image vanished. I huffed out a semi-relieved sigh.

"No," He said, finally speaking in a more civil tone, now that the images of tearing me apart had vanished from his thoughts. "I'm not. I admit it, though, yes... I did want to."

"Yeah.. I knew that." I replied, still disgruntled by the idea.

"I can't help it, Edward. You know how I am." He met my gaze levelly and shrugged, unrepentant.

I raised a mocking eyebrow at him, still feeling defensive backed up against the wall. Emmett stood there for a second and then relaxed his fists, and took a breath. I could see the tension relaxing slowly from his big body, and I knew that the immediate danger of losing body parts that I was rather fond of had passed. For the moment.

"Now that you've calmed down a bit, I know why you're mad at me for this." I reasoned in a firm, level voice. Firm was always the best way to deal with Emmett when he was in this kind of mood. "I know that you adore her, but honestly, I really think it's the best thing we can do here, Em."

He sighed. "Yeah... after Jasper did what he did the other night, I thought it might come down to this" he looked at me through narrowed eyes. "I thought that you had let him off too easy. I knew there would be more fallout from it _somewhere_."

I nodded, and shoved my hands into my pockets, taking an experimental step away from the glass, testing him. He backed up to let me advance.

Good. I fought against sighing in relief, not wanting him to know how much he'd bothered me with his violent thoughts. He'd never let me live it down.

"I couldn't then, and I still can't now, blame him for being what he is, Emmett. That wouldn't be fair. He was only reacting as any of us would have in the same situation if we hadn't already been spending decades living as we do." I reminded him. "It's not easy. You know that."

He suddenly grinned at me with that same old slightly goofy smile that he usually wore, and I knew we were okay again. I'd get to keep my arms. Score one for me.

_Well.. make that two. _Yeah. I was just full of jokes lately. I sighed inwardly.

"I can't lie. That scent hit me really strong for a second, that night. I'm glad I had to wrestle with Jasper. He's strong when he gets riled up, you know? That took my mind off of it pretty good." He chuckled at the memory.

I nodded, remembering the moment the scent had caught his attention. I'd been hastily scanning the minds of my family, wondering if any of the rest of them were an imminent threat to Bella, and had caught his mind the second he'd registered her blood's alluring scent. I'd desperately not wanted to have to deal with trying to keep _him_away from her also. I doubted I would have been able to.

_I can totally understand what it is about her that attracts you so strongly, _he switched to his mental voice, and that in itself should have warned me, but I was taken completely off guard. Instantaneously, as he inhaled deeply, remembering, I was caught up in his memory of the scent of Bella's fresh blood-as strong and vital as if she was standing there, bleeding right in front of us.

_Oh for the love of all that's holy... _I muttered one of my favorite phrases inwardly as I instantly nearly drowned in my own swiftly flowing vampiric venom. Simultaneously, my entire body went on lock down. My hands spasmed and gripped the material inside my pants pockets, almost rending my own thighs through the fabric, and my teeth felt as though they would grind themselves into enamel dust. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to shut out the scent memories and mental pictures his mind was fairly shouting at me.

"Um... Emmett, do you mind..." I choked out through my tightly clenched teeth.

Instantly, the images and memories disappeared.

His mental tone was apologetic and amused simultaneously. _Oops, sorry about that, little brother._ He chuckled. _I do see her appeal now. I used to just think you were crazy._

I gasped for a quick breath, realizing that I had quit breathing when the memory of the sweet fragrance of her blood had bloomed in my head. It appeared that that, too, had become a habit. Doubling over, I worked to get myself back under control.

And here I had hoped I was essentially past having my thirst for her delectable blood take control of me.

_You're still lying to yourself, Edward,_ I thought as I sucked in deep breaths to cleanse away the anamnesis of the night. _It will never get better, and it will never go away._

Undisturbed by what he'd done to me introspectively, Emmett clapped me on the shoulder and shook me with his affection, his thoughts highly amused. With my hands still in my pockets, he completely knocked me off balance, and I had to scramble to keep my footing.

_I'm here for you, though. If you think that leaving is the best thing for her, then we'll leave. I don't have to like it, and I don't have to agree with you. But, because I'm your brother, and we're family, I will support you._

In spite of myself, I had to smile at him. "Thank you. I do believe it is the best thing for her. She deserves a chance at a happy, _normal _human life. She won't have that if she is constantly dreaming of becoming a vampire." I sighed heavily, with the reality of leaving her looming ever closer, the impossible pain was once again back to knot my stomach.

Emmett acquiesced, sighing heavily. "Yeah. I know. You're right. I sure am gonna miss laughing at her, though." He winked at me and laughed. "She was pretty cool to have around for that."

I tried to smile back at him again, and knew I'd failed miserably. He scowled, putting his big hand on my neck and squeezing gently in sympathy.

_I really am sorry, bro._He thought sadly.

"Me too, Em. Me too."

I managed to get through most of the next day without having any unnecessary conversations with Bella. Once, during English class, I'd had to whisper an answer to her when Mr. Berty called on her twice for an answer regarding Lady Capulet, and she didn't answer him. It seemed she was as lost in her own world as I was mine.

A small part of me felt like I was going about this all wrong, but I didn't have any experience for it otherwise, and I wasn't really sure how to handle it. It seemed wrong to have just left her on the night that Jasper had tried to attack her, but it didn't seem any better to be drawing it out any longer, either. My family was packing up the rest of the house and was just waiting on my word as to when we should leave. We should have left this morning, but I couldn't bear to go like that. It felt wrong also.

I stifled a heavy sigh was we walked to our next class together. As usual, it seemed I was damned either path I chose. When would I just get used to it being like that?

As we sat at the table during lunch, I could feel the tension stretched between us like a frail spiders web that would break with the slightest breath of air. As a distraction from what was not being said between us, Bella got out the camera she'd brought with her to school this morning, and handed it off to Jessica to take some pictures of their classmates for her. I immediately tuned out Jessica and everyone at the table around me, not at all interested in hearing their thoughts today.

Watching in troubled silence as they laughed and squealed, taking ridiculous photos of each other, I wordlessly noted that Bella was as unimpressed with their childish actions as I was. Finally, when it was empty of film, Jessica handed back the camera.

"Uh-oh," Jessica said, her tone dripping with false apology. "I think we used all your film." I'd never liked Jessica. She always smiled to Bella's face, all the while thinking snide comments behind her back. She'd never gotten over the fact that I had chosen Bella over her, and her deceitful mind was one that I would definitely not miss when I left.

_When I left..._. I clenched my fists striving not to writhe in misery at the thought.

"That's okay." Bella replied quietly. "I think I snapped photos of everything else I needed."

The bell rang for lunch to be over, and we silently got up and I walked her to gym class and headed to my Spanish class.

Spanish without Emmett sitting next to me wasn't near as entertaining as it used to be, so I slumped in my seat at the back of the class and attempted to appear interested. Luckily, Mrs. Goff had long ago ceased calling on me for answers. My Spanish was even better than hers... and she knew it.

After school, I walked Bella mutely to the parking lot and dropped her off at her truck, leaving her there without a word as I turned back to get my car. I was relieved she worked this evening, as it would give me more time alone to gather my thoughts for the impending unpleasant confrontation.

The time had come to rip off the bandage; tomorrow night would be my exit scene. I couldn't stand another minute postponing the inevitable.

I purposely spent the night away from her yet again, but this time, I didn't call to explain my absence. It was the first time in our stunted relationship that I was so discourteous to her, knowing that I was intentionally leaving her to wait for a call that would never come. It seemed the right thing to do to set the final stage.

The night was impossibly endless. I spent the time locked upstairs, alone in my near empty room, away from my family as they made their final preparations for leaving the following morning. I couldn't stand listening to their varied emotions and thoughts anymore.

I would become stark raving mad and quite possibly tear her from limb to limb, if I had to listen to Rosalie privately call me one more insulting name for making us leave. That wouldn't have set well with Emmett, of course, and after our near explosive confrontation the other day, I didn't need any further reasons to promote tension within him, primarily because even though he disagreed with my decision, he was trying very hard to be supportive of me.

Strangely enough, I realized that I really missed Alice. It was the first time in many years that we had been purposefully separated as a family. The longing to see my favorite, annoying, adopted, little sister was a dull ache that I didn't even want to quantify. Due to the fact he was such a natural extension of her, I also missed Jasper. The quiet, soothing way he acquired control over flaring tempers or extreme grief, and toned them down to tolerable levels. was something I missed.

An outsider would probably think that I would or should lay the blame on him... that he was the reason behind this pain we were all going through. I never once looked at it that way. He acted on his own natural impulses. _I_was the one who had been acting unnatural. The fault, as I had told him, lay square at my feet.

Esme... well.. I was unable to even look her in the eye. She waited decades for me to find a girl to touch my dead heart.. to possibly bring it to life again, if that were possible. Now that I found 'her' in Bella, and was having to forcefully withdraw from her, Esme's melancholy was completely unbearable.

Carlisle never really thought anything directly to me, and when he did, it was nothing that required a reply, for which I was grateful. I really didn't feel like talking about it anymore. But the sympathy I felt pouring out of his thoughts whenever he looked at me was more than I could stomach and I had to flee from being in his immediate vicinity.

I was the villain here. By all rights, they should loathe me for causing chaos in their lives by falling in love with a human. They didn't hate me, as I craved that they should, which caused me more regret than I did already.

So, I hid from them, with ear buds in, drowning my heartache in music.

It had been arranged that as soon as I left for school, my family would leave Forks, and I would join them later.. once my dastardly deed was done and over with. I felt like the evil villain that particular word implied, and I knew that the moment, it completely fit. I detested myself for what my actions would be today.

My last day at Forks High School passed more swiftly than I could have ever imagined. I distantly reasoned that it was only because I was also tragically aware that it was also my last day with Bella.

I spent every spare second that I could, when I felt I could get away with it without being caught, re-memorizing her face, her scent, the way she moved, and locked all of the memories away, knowing they would help keep me sane in the long, lonely decades ahead.

As we walked wordlessly to her truck after school, my stomach twisted and I instinctively knew that the end was close at hand. Somewhere, deep inside of me, as I fought the panic closing in around me, I felt the tripping of the internal switch that pushed the self-preservation for my family and I into becoming my number one priority. I selfishly welcomed the feeling of false peace as I felt it settle into every fiber of my body. This was what was right.

When Bella turned to me, obviously readying herself to speak to me, I was able to meet her with a calm, distant expression on my face, with no betrayal of my previous inner turmoil remaining.

I didn't give her a chance to open her mouth. "Do you mind if I come over today?" I asked her before I opened her truck door.

"Of course not," she said, trying to hide her obvious surprise.

"Now?" I said, opening her door for her.

"Sure," she said, and I could tell from the tone that she was battling hard to keep it casual, even though mine was anything but. "I was just going to drop a letter for Renee' into the mailbox on the way, and I'll meet you there."

I peered into the truck and I could see the thick envelope on the seat. Quickly, I reached in and grabbed it. I had an idea what it contained, and I didn't want it to make it into the mail.

"I'll do it," I offered in a mild voice. "And I'll still beat you there." I tried to smile at her, the crooked smile that I knew she liked, but it felt wrong on my face, even to me.

"Okay," she said, without even trying to smile. I must have failed in the attempt worse than I thought.

I shut her truck door and jogged over to my car. With the envelope in hand, I realized that I had a lot to do, and little time to get it all done.

Before she even had her truck started, I was flying out of the parking lot and up the street in my quick little Volvo. There were times that I really loved this car, and right now was one of them.

I didn't go to the post office, as I had told Bella I was going to do. Instead, after tucking the envelope full of photos to Renee in between my leather bucket seats, I drove directly to her house and parked in the driveway.

It was taking a serious risk for me to be breaking into the Police Chiefs house in broad daylight, but it couldn't be helped. Quickly, so that none of her neighbors could have possibly seen me do it, I got out of my car, shut the door, and in less than two strides, and a quick jump, I was sliding through Bella's always open bedroom window.

Walking first to the CD player, I stared down at it for a few seconds in regret before I popped the latch on the top of it, allowing the blank silver CD to be exposed. Sliding it out quickly, I tucked it into my jacket pocket. I was caught off guard by the spasm of pain that hit me as I did so, but I determinedly quashed it and grimly returned to the task at hand.

The airplane tickets that my parents had bought for Bella and I sat on the cluttered desk next to her archaic computer. Running my fingers over the smooth paper in remembrance for an instant, I slid the envelope into my pocket as well.

Next, I lifted the cover to the photo album that Renee' had sent Bella for her birthday. Flipping it open to the first page, I discovered that I was correct in my assumptions that filling the album with photos from her camera was what she had been doing last night in my absence.

Taking a few seconds to remove every photo that pertained to me or my family, I snugged them into my pocket next to the disc of my piano compositions I had given her, and the tickets. I couldn't do anything about the stereo in her truck, and I hoped that because it was out in her truck, it wouldn't be as big of a reminder of us as these things would be that were constantly in her face.

Sitting on her bed for a minute, I tried to regain the composure I sensed breaking. I despised what I was doing, and why I was doing it. Bending at the waist, I rested my elbows on my knees, dropped my head into my hands, squeezed my eyes tightly shut, and took several deep breathes, hoping to reset myself on the proper track.

When I felt that I had my emotions firmly under control again, I opened my eyes and stared at the scarred wooden planks of the floor by Bella's bed. A silly thought occurred.

_Should I do it?_I asked myself silently. I continued to stare at the wooden flooring as I mulled over the idea for a few more seconds.

_No. It's stupid._I argued with myself, even as I knew that I would do it anyway.

My point of doing all of this was to leave her without the painful reminders of my family and myself. Childishly, selfishly, I knew that I couldn't make the break as clean as I needed to for myself.

But I could for her.

I got up and quickly kneeled next to the the bed we'd spent so much innocent time curled up on together. It seemed like this was the perfect spot to leave a little something of myself with Bella, even though she would never know it was there.

It took only the barest amount of force, and I was able to pry up the old piece of flooring next to the head of her bed, next to where I had lain so many nights with her wrapped in my cold embrace. Swiftly, I pulled the CD, the tickets and all of the photos out of my pocket and laid them to rest in the niche I'd created between her floor and the ceiling below.

Dropping the plank back down into it's original position and wiping away the dust, I made sure that it was impossible to tell that it had ever been disturbed. I gazed at it in sadness for a few seconds, but a small part of me felt better knowing that I'd left those pieces of myself here with her.

All at once I was aware of the distant sound of Bella's old truck chugging up the street a few blocks away. Time was running out. In a flash, I was out of the bedroom, down the stairs and standing in the kitchen. Grabbing a piece of paper and a pen, I quickly scrawled a note in what I hoped looked enough like Bella's hand writing to fool her father -

"Going for a walk with Edward, up the path. Be back soon, B"

- then I folded it into a tent, and left it propped up on the kitchen table where I knew it would be seen. I let myself quickly out of the front door, stopping only long enough to retrieve the key hidden under the eve, lock the door, and return the key. Flashing to my car in the next instant, I managed to get it inside and shut the door just as her old truck rounded the corner down the street.

I sat there in my car as she pulled up, taking a few extra moments to recheck the switch of my emotions to make sure that it hadn't been completely tripped during my near break down in Bella's bedroom as I stashed her gifts. Satisfied that I would be able to handle this with a fair amount of dignity, I looked up and out the car window at her, just as she pulled up to the curb and shut off the truck. I saw her shake her head slightly and draw a deep breath. In her own way, she was preparing herself, just as I had been, but I was positive that what was coming was not what she was expecting.

I stepped quickly out of my car and walked at human speed over to meet her as she stepped out of her truck. As usual, I took her book back from her, but unusually, I tucked it quickly back on the seat of the truck. She looked at me with some surprise mixed with trepidation at this unexpected turn of events. I reached out and took her hand.

"Come for a walk with me," I proposed quietly, keeping all emotion out of my voice.

She didn't reply, and I didn't allow her the option of refusing me. Gripping her hand firmly but gently in mine, I pulled her along as I walked, taking care not to set her already awkward balance tipping in the wrong direction, and pulled her with me towards the eastern side of the yard where the forest met the grass.

I could feel her unwillingness in the way she dragged her feet, but I didn't take her very far up the path. I wanted her to be able to find her way back to the house easily once I left. I glanced back the way we'd come and could still see her house, so I judged it far enough for privacy. I leaned up against a tree for support and looked up to meet her eyes directly for the first time.  
>"Okay, let's talk," she said, attempting to sound confident.<p>

I took a deep, steadying breath. wincing as her warm delicious, scent hit my senses.

_Here we go..._

"Bella, we're leaving."

She drew her own deep breath. "Why now? Another year-"

I somewhat rudely interrupted her. "Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all?" I asked her., not giving her time to answer as I pressed on. "Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless."

She was silent for a few minutes, obviously shaken and slightly baffled, staring at me. I stared back, with no emotion. I had managed to firmly tamp the switch into place. I wouldn't break my composure now.

I knew this wasn't what she had most likely divined that she would be hearing from me. As I silently waited for my words to make sense, I heard her heart thump once... twice... in an odd, stuttering pace, and then her skin took on a slightly green tinge, as if she was going be sick.

She got it.

"When you say _we_-," she started in a whisper so faint I could barely hear it. I didn't let her suffer through saying the rest. I owed her at least that much.

"I mean my family and myself." making sure that every word was clear and concise.

She shook her head slowly, trying to deny the definition of the words I'd just spoken, and the ultimate meaning behind them. This was going to be much harder than I had anticipated.

I waited patiently as she made an effort to gather her wits about herself again. It was several long minutes before she was able to form a sentence.

"Okay, I'll come with you."

_Ugh... not what I needed to hear right now,_I mentally groaned.

Out loud I said, "You can't, Bella. Where we're going ... it's not the right place for you."

"Where you are is the right place for me." she said stubbornly. I wasn't getting through to her.

Alright then, another tactic.

"I'm no good for you, Bella."

"Don't be ridiculous." she pleaded. "You're the very best part of my life."

_Oh, for the love- _I bit back the mental tirade and tried again.

"My world is not for you," I declared stiffly.

Bella tried a new direction of her own. "What happened with Jasper - that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!" Luckily, I was prepared for this one also.

"You're right," I affirmed quietly. "It was exactly what was to be expected" This wasn't what she wanted to hear.

"You promised! In Phoenix you promised that you would stay-" she gushed, near hysteria. If changing my mind was the ultimate goal of reminding me of my promise to her during her healing in the hospital after the fiasco with James earlier in the year, it was the wrong point to make.

"As long as that was best for you," I interrupted, reminding her of the rest of the promise I'd made that day. My being with her was no longer what was best for her.

"No!" she shouted, in sudden outrage. "This is about my soul, isn't it?" she asked, still sounding as if she was begging me to understand, despite the force she tried to put behind the words. "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. You can have my soul. I don't want it without you - it's yours already!"

Her final tortured plea did it. I felt my mask of hard indifference crack and start to crumble. I had to take a deep breath, in spite of my determination to do this with no emotional reaction. I looked away from her beautiful face, painfully twisted from the depth of her distress, and focused my eyes on the ground in front of me.

For a long moment I stood there, trying to regain control of myself, without letting on the amount of absolute torment I was in.

_It's for the best, it's for the best, it's for the best..._I chanted to myself internally. I put it on repeat in my mind and tried hard to control the grimace I felt forming on my mouth as I waited for it to take effect.

_Calm and cool, Edward._ I sternly reminded myself. _It's what she needs to see. It's the only way she will understand. _Another avenue to try made itself known to me, and instinctively, I knew it was the only one that would work. _Oh God.. this is going to kill me..._

Steeling my resolve, I looked up, my face hard as stone, and met her eyes directly, unblinking.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." I enunciated each word, slowly and carefully staring directly into her eyes as I said them. I watched as each one made it's own impact on her silent mind.

Again, for probably the last time, I wished I could tell what she was thinking. Then I'd have some clue as to how she was taking this, and where she would go with it next.

"You ... don't ... want me?" she repeated back to me in bewilderment, and it wasn't lost on me how she'd mixed my words around from what I'd actually _said_.. to her version of what she'd _heard_. I decided that would be the best route to take.

"No."

She stared into my hard, unmoving, unapologetic gaze, and I could tell that she was still fighting it, still trying not to understand. I could see that it was slowly falling into place for her though, and I had to fight taking a breath of relief. I knew it was too soon to feel any kind of solace just yet. If ever.

"Well, that changes things." she muttered, her voice giving a false illusion of calm. I knew it was only that denial had set in, and she didn't really believe anything she was hearing from me. Her love for me must have been much stronger than I had originally figured on.

That insight brought with it a pain so sharp, that I had to look away from her to recover my firm resolve and hold on my control. I stared off into the trees with what I hoped what a patiently bored expression. There was no way that I could look her in the eye and voice my next lies.

"Of course, I'll always love you ... in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm ... _tired _of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human." I was able to look back at her then, forcing my face to assume it's hard, cold mask of indifference again. "I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that." I finished, strongly, trying with everything that was in me to convince myself of the words I'd just uttered. I'd have plenty of time later to fall apart ... infinity, actually ... but now was the time to keep it together.

"Don't." she forced the word out in a whisper, and I could see that the realization was finally taking hold on her. Damn did it ever hurt. "Don't do this." she whimpered.

I stared back evenly, no emotion in my eyes nor my face, and no inflection of it in my voice as I drove home the final nail in the coffin of our dying love.

"You're not good for me, Bella."

She opened her mouth like she was going to say something, and then closed it again. I waited.

"If ... that's what you want."

I nodded once, curtly. She blinked, and I wasn't sure if she truly believed my response.

"I would like to ask one favor, though, it that's not too much," I said, striving to remain distant.

Her reaction to this, while not totally unexpected, still hit me a lot harder than I expected. Almost before my eyes, I could see the numbness spreading throughout her body, and I was suddenly terrified that she would faint right in front of me. If she did that, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that this whole conversation would be a total loss. I could not continue to pretend that I didn't care and let her fall to the ground. I would, without fail, rescue her from falling... as always.

Again, I felt my tight grip on my emotions loosen, and I grappled internally for a second to retain my hold on them. There was plenty of time for falling apart later. Right now, I needed to keep my wits about me.

"Anything," she promised.. her voice a fraction stronger than it was. Thank God.

I allowed myself to defrost somewhat. I needed to make this point, and I needed to drive it completely home, straight through to the beating heart of her. I knew one sure fire way to get her attention and hold it. The one way that always worked for me to get what I wanted from her. I hated having to use it now, but I would, to get this point across.

I stared directly into her eyes, gripped hers with my own, in the warm, smoldering way that she had always said never failed to 'dazzle' her before. I watched intensely and waited as her eyes glazed over, her heart thumped erratically, and I knew I had her complete attention.

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid," I all but commanded her, pouring every ounce of feeling into it that I could muster. "Do you understand what I'm saying?" I questioned her severely.

She nodded in mute helplessness. I knew she'd heard me, so I returned to my former, detached self. "I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself-for him."

She nodded again. "I will," she said, her voice barely above a murmur.

I relaxed my hard stance, just a little bit. At least I'd finally gotten through to her, and I knew that she would take care of herself, for Charlie's sake at least. That was more than I really had any right to ask for.

"And I'll make you a promise in return," I offered, although I knew already that it was one she wouldn't like. "I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."

I watched guardedly as she reacted to my words. Her knees shook slightly, and I could hear her pulse accelerate as her warm blood rushed through her veins, and her heart pounded in disbelief. I rushed to distract her before she did, indeed faint.

I smiled gently, almost condescendingly. "Don't worry. You're human - your memory is no more than a sieve. time heals all wounds for your kind."

"And your memories?" she choked out.

Ugh. More lies. How I was sick of them. But, they were necessary.

"Well," I had to hesitate a minute. This I wouldn't have to actually lie about... not totally. "I won't forget." This was devastatingly true, unfortunately. "But my kind ... we're very easily distracted." I smiled, trying to make the lie real, but I knew it didn't fool her. It didn't matter. I figured that she was beyond caring.

I stepped back further away from her. My ever present thirst for her blood had become painful again in the short time we'd been standing here. It was time to go. "That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again."

My use of the family plural caught her attention. Dammit. I knew I shouldn't have used it. I was too far into my roll of being 'the bad guy' I'd always warned her about and forgot myself.

"Alice isn't coming back," she said, completely under her breath. It wasn't a question.

Slowly, watching her face the whole time, I answered, "No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye." This at least, was the truth. It was a small measure relief to my pain to be able to get at least one in there.

"Alice is gone?" total disbelief coloring her tone. Ugh. This was hard. I knew how she felt about Alice. This part, I would have to lie about.. but for a good reason. I wouldn't have her image of Alice sullied in her mind because of my stupidity. I owed _Alice_that.

"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you."

I would never tell her that Alice didn't want to say goodbye. It wasn't that she _didn't_ care about Bella, she cared _too much_about Bella, and the goodbye would have ripped her apart as mine was slowly tearing me apart. She took the easier route and left with Jasper, without having to face the pain of the farewell.

Bella was fighting to breathe normally, and I could see that she was frantically searching in her mind for a way to stop this from happening. I didn't have to be able to read her mind to know that was what was going through it. Reverse our situations and it's what I would have been doing.

"Goodbye, Bella," I declared, the calmness I heard in my voice surprised even me.

_Am I really this heartless?_ I frantically asked myself. Dumb question. _Yes..I am heartless... just not like that. I'm... numb._That's what I was right now. Numb.

"Wait!" she croaked, reaching for me and stumbling forward all at the same time.

In order to keep her from falling, I grabbed her wrists to both support her, and stop her from touching me. Slowly, gently, I pinned her hands firmly down to her sides. I wouldn't be able to bear feeling her touch on any part of my body. I was already on fire.

Over the course of the last few days, while I was instigating this final separation, I'd been away from her alluring scent for too long. Just having had to stand here and talk to her, five feet away, with her warm, human heat blooming around me, and her siren's blood singing through her veins for this amount of time had been torture. Having her _this_close now was excruciating.

I could bear one more moment of anguish with her before my already overworked self control snapped. Leaning quickly down, I pressed my lips to her forehead, feeling my throat erupt in flames every bit as strong as the day I'd first inhaled her own personal, glorious bouquet.

"Take care of yourself," I breathed, realizing at once that I had been holding my breath since the moment my hands had touched her wrists.

In the next second, with both my sorrow and my thirst quickly overwhelming me, I released her hands, and in a flash, I was gone.

I didn't look back.


	4. Isolation

4. Isolation

After leaving my car parked in the garage, (I was fairly sure that no one would come looking for us, but it never hurt to be cautious) I walked through the door into my home before I was really aware again of what I was doing and what was going on around me. I walked to the middle of the room and looked around aimlessly, my mind continuing to block out the hurtful events of the last hour.

My footsteps echoed in the now abandoned house, and I was amazed, as always, at how efficient my family was at packing up and moving in the rare times that we needed to leave the place where we'd settled. There wasn't even a dust bunny left on the shiny wooden floors of the living room. The gleaming chamber gave the impression that it had never been lived in.

I snorted. Truthfully, it never _had_been 'lived' in, since I was fairly sure that what my family and myself did, could not be actually qualified in that term. The only time I'd ever felt truly 'alive' in this house had been in the last six months when she was here with me.

My gut twisted sharply, and my mind scrambled to block out the recollection of her face, and the memories of the moments we'd spent together here. I gritted my teeth and squeezed my eyes tightly closed, covering them with my palms as I tried to chase away the recollections of her deep brown eyes, the soft lilting quality of her laugh and the marvelous aroma of her skin.

Head in my hands, I walked around in tight circles, my jaw locked, eyes shut, trying to chase away the scattered images swirling through my brain. There was one picture that continued to plague me no matter how I tried to squash it - Bella, standing amidst the green forest, pain and disbelief at my fiercely uttered, _lying_words written all over her beautiful face.

_What the hell was I thinking? _I moaned internally. _My life is officially over..._

Still walking in tight circles, I bumped hard into something large that announced it's displeasure at my rough treatment of it with soft, very familiar melodic chime that caused me to stop and drop my hands and look up in surprise.

My piano.

"Well, it makes sense to leave it here, I guess," I said aloud, startling myself with the sound of my own voice in the quiet stillness of the house. "It's not like it fits in a suitcase."

I trailed my fingers lovingly over the baby grand, admiring it as I silently walked around to where the satin covered bench seat sat tucked beneath it. I pulled out the seat and sat, letting my fingers drift lightly over the ivory keys. Such a familiar, comforting feeling sitting here. Softly, I stroked a key, listening to the beautiful note as it reverberated through the empty house. Tentatively, I ran through a simple, one-handed scale, appreciating the way the music resonated around the room.

It'd been a long time since I'd sat down at the piano. Too long.

Over the years, in order to escape the reality of who and what I was, I'd spent a lot of time lost in the world of music. It was the main reason why I had such an extensive collection of cassettes, vinyls and CD's, in all different genres, by thousands of both known and unknown artists. My love of listening soon grew to a desire to be able to re-create the glorious sounds I was hearing, and not long after that, I began composing my own works for the piano.

Haltingly, I let my fingers move over the keys, the resonance from the extraordinarily tuned instrument ringing throughout the empty room. Within moments, the hesitation to play slid away, and I was drowning in the music, my fingers practically blurring across the black and white ivories.

With some dim part of my mind, I registered that I was playing one of my own compositions, a song I had written many years ago for Esme, a tribute to the love that she and Carlisle had found with each other. It gave me some measure of peace to play the much beloved melody, and I felt my tightly wound body trying vainly to relax with the soothing flow of the sonata.

Gradually, I became aware of this odd pressure, built up in my head, just behind my eyes, and I couldn't understand at first what it was. I tried to ignore it, and just work my fingers over the eighty-eight, but it was persistent, and after some consideration, I finally figured it out. It was the pressure related to the needed emancipation of all the bottled up emotions I'd been trying to avoid confronting. I realized that I had been subconsciously trying to find the cipher to unlock them when I had initially sat down at the piano.

Once I felt confident that I had ascertained what the problem was, I earnestly set to liberating my emotions from the prison of my mind where I'd incarcerated them the second I'd stepped away from Bella in the forest. I knew it would be painful, but deep down I craved the release that I knew could be found inside the music. It was the only way for me to begin the healing process.

_Bella._

Just thinking her name in passing made me suck a breath, grit my teeth, and pause for a moment before barreling on... looking for the skeleton key to unshackle the pain.

I must have played for hours, one song blending smoothly and flawlessly into the next, because the next time I glanced away from where my hands moved over the keys, it was full dark outside, the full moon shining brightly on the yard surrounding the house. I shrugged slightly and continued, switching from my own compositions, to playing the works of some of the great Masters of the ivory; Bach, Beethoven, Mozart, Brahms, Hummel, Mendelssohn. I could feel the release coming, but it had so far refused to let go, and it frustrated me. I felt my mouth set in a firm, determined line, and I vigorously attacked Chopin's "Sonata in B-Flat minor" with all the style of a road vendor hawking his wares.

_Smooth, Edward, really smooth._

The house phone rang unexpectedly, scaring me, and I nearly fell backwards off the padded bench, hitting my knees on the underside of the piano. The hard knock from my violent start jarred the the piano wires into a vibrating disharmony, and I absently rubbed my knees while staring at the phone.

Who on earth would be calling my house? And at this hour? It had to be after ten pm, at least, if not later. The phone continued to ring, strident and shrill, annoying me. It didn't mix with the music I was playing.

_Dammit_.

I waited while it rang with my hands again resting lightly on the keys, feeling no need to get up and answer it. It was probably just someone from the hospital calling for Carlisle that hadn't yet realized, or been informed, that he had 'transferred' his practice to warm and sunny Los Angeles, California.

At least, that is what he had told people. California was the last place my family would want to go.

I frowned, impatient, my mind attempting to wind it's way back into remembering about things I didn't want to think about. Things I _refused_to think about.

_When would that damn phone stop ringing? It must have rang fifteen times!_

"He's gone. Hang up already!" I snarled aloud, glaring at the offending phone. Thankfully, it actually stopped ringing. Childishly, I pretended that it had stopped because I had told it to stop, rather than that the caller on the other end had finally given up. I huffed to myself and returned my attention to the keyboard in front of me.

I tried to pick up the previous song where I had left off when I was so rudely interrupted, but it just didn't feel right anymore. The nagging pressure behind my eyes was still there, but was more of a throb now, and was becoming horribly distracting.

Staring at my hands where they lay still on the now silent keys, I tried to decide what I wanted to play next. I knew that I should probably grab the rest of my things I was taking with me away from Forks, but there was really no hurry. Honestly, I didn't expect anyone to come here looking for me. The one person who mattered thought I was already gone.  
>A familiar pain shot through my body, and I struggled to push it away.<p>

_No._ I argued with myself. _It does no good to think about that. _Although I knew I needed to face it sooner or later. _It does no good to think about her. You did what you had to do._

With dogged determination, I stroked the piano keys again, disengaging my mind and my thought processes, and just concentrated on the music I was making.

The sounds of the piano bouncing back and swirling around me in the hollowness of the empty room surprised me. I wouldn't have thought of such a big space having such amazing acoustics. It was something to think about in the new house.

Staring out the windows at the deepening shadows of midnight, my mind was wrenched back to the present when I heard what song I had unconsciously started to play.

_ Bella's Lullaby._

The song I had composed for her.. my testimony of my love for her.

As much as I wanted to, I couldn't stop playing.

My fingers continued of their own volition, as if they were on a remote and no longer in my control. I gasped, dragging unneeded air through my teeth, using the familiar action in an attempt to calm myself before my emotions spun out of control. In my head, the annoying, throbbing pressure increased until my ears were fairly ringing. Instinctively, I knew that the emotional release I'd longed for was near, and the relief nearly overwhelmed me. _Finally._

Simultaneously, I was also instantly terrified. If playing _this_song was what it was going to take to trigger the absolution that I'd been waiting on for the last several hours, then I also knew what would follow soon after the flood gates opened.

Pain. Grief. Heartache.

I was sure that I would want to die.

The phone begin to ring again, loud and shrill, pulling me back away from the edge of my potential release. My fingers faltered to a stop, and I drew in one ragged breath after another, trying to regain my grip on the pain before it completely engulfed me.

Echoing through the nearly empty room, the ringing rattled around in my head, and I reached up to cover my sensitive ears, trying to block out the sound. I didn't remember that stupid phone being that loud before, but then, this room had never been this deserted of furniture previously.

Suddenly angry, I jumped up, causing the piano bench to fall over backward, and stormed over to the offensive phone, intending to sweep it off the counter in a rage.

"Why in the hell do you keep _bothering_me?" I shouted at the noisy phone.

Curiosity hit me as I got there though, and I couldn't resist looking to see who had become so intrusive into my grief. Snatching up the receiver, I scowled down at the caller ID screen and very nearly dropped the unit in my surprise.

Chief Swan.

Charlie.

Bella's Father.

Bella.

_ Bella._

Why on Earth was he calling my family home? Was that him that called before? My brain was suddenly whirling with a million different reasons why he would be calling my home, but it finally settled on the most obvious - Bella was upset, and her Father was mad because I'd broken his daughter's heart.

I was tempted, for a second, to answer the phone and ask him what he wanted. I was fairly sure that he would have a lot to say, that I didn't want to hear, but there was a nagging fear that he wouldn't be calling me if there wasn't some serious issue. Maybe he was trying to find Carlisle because Bella had been injured. My hand clenched on the handset in sudden fear, knowing that this was entirely possible. I'd left her standing in the forest, sure that she would be able to get back to her house easily, but she wasn't exactly the best at not tripping over her own feet.

Concern waged a brief war with logic. Logic won. I couldn't answer the phone. I had to cut the ties. I had to make a clean break. The current resident doctor was more than qualified to be able to handle anything that happened to the people in Forks. I swallowed hard. And that included Bella. She was no longer my concern. I gritted my teeth and felt my face settle into determined lines.

Clean break. That was the only way I could do this.

I replaced the handset and stepped away from the still ringing phone and walked back over to the piano. I picked up the bench and set it right again, sliding back in behind the familiar and comforting ivory keys. I sat there and patiently waited for the phone to quit ringing, stroking the keys softly, already playing in my mind. Finally, the phone cut off mid-ring, as if Charlie had just decided to give up his quest to find me.

Quickly, my fingers picked up where they had left off in the song, Bella's lullaby, and I  
>felt the pressure behind my eyes throb in response. I played harder and faster, my fingers flying over the keys, knowing that the release I had come here searching for was finally near.<p>

When the weight of my emotions finally crashed the floodgates that I had mentally built to restrain them, I wasn't expecting the reaction I was confronted with. I had thought that I would moan, or gasp for breath, maybe feel some sort of physical pain. But no. I felt none of those things. Strangely enough, when everything that I had been bottling up inside me rose up to engulf me, the images of our final goodbye swimming before my vision, I felt all of those emotions draining out of me, leaving nothing behind. I felt... numb.

My fingers stilled their movement and my hands fell into my lap as I sat there, staring at nothing, but seeing everything. The last six months of my existence on this earth replayed before my eyes like a full color movie that was over entirely too quickly. I recalled everything of my time with Bella; our first meeting, our first conversation, the day we spent in the meadow, the disaster in Phoenix with James, our first dance at Prom, the ill-fated birthday party, all the way up until our last goodbye mere hours ago.

As I sat there before the now silent piano, an invisible heaviness descended and pressed down upon my shoulders, literally bowing my head under the weight of it. I suddenly felt very keenly the stabbing loss of her in my life, and I was both unable, and unwilling to move out from under the pressure as it momentarily overwhelmed me.

I'm not exactly sure how long I sat there with the movie of the cherished moments from my 'true' life on constant repeat in my brain, but I'm pretty sure that at least another sunrise and sunset passed before I managed to rouse myself from my stupor.

Pulling myself upright and straightening my shoulders, I glanced at the clock. Ten-thirty. I was two days past due to meet my family at their new location. Emmett and Rose were planning on another honeymoon, but who could be sure with them. They changed their minds daily. Jasper and Alice, as far as I knew, would be sticking close to the rest of the family. That could change though, so I'd probably better be on my way.

Curiosity suddenly caught hold of me as I thought about that, and I was somewhat surprised that my cell phone hadn't rang yet with demands as to where I was. Fishing in my jacket pocket, I pulled out my phone and flipped it open. No missed calls. Strange. I checked the charge. Almost fully charged. Interesting.

I quickly keyed in the number for Alice's cell phone and waited through her ridiculous ringback tone. Why people ever put those silly things on their phones was beyond my understanding.  
>Thankfully, she answered quickly. "Hello Edward." her voice was soft with pity that made my teeth grind. "Are you okay? I've seen you sitting at the piano for a long time."<p>

Ah yes. Of course. That's why there had been no calls. I rolled my eyes, feeling like an idiot for not knowing better.

"Yes, Alice. I'm okay. I just had to work through some emotions I wasn't prepared for." I looked at the clock on the phone. "Where's the rest of the family?" I waited impatiently as she gave me the run down on what the rest of the family was doing.

"Alright. Well, I'm just going to grab the rest of my things here, and then I will be heading that direction. Just let Carlisle and Esme know that I'm on my way."

"You don't have any things left there, Edward. We packed everything up for you and brought it with us." she was quiet for a second, then added, "We didn't figure that you would be up to it after... you know."

That did help me, actually. I discovered that I wasn't in the mood to spend another moment here in this house where so many happier memories taunted me. I needed to get out and away, as soon as possible.

"Thanks, Alice. I appreciate you doing that for me. I'll just lock up and get on the road."

"Okay big brother. See you soon."

I snapped my cell phone shut and slipped it into my front pocket. Looking around the room one more time, my eyes lingering fondly on my beautiful piano, I headed for the back door. Locking it behind me, I swiftly walked to the garage and let myself in. The next instant, I was backed out of the garage, door shut behind me, and I was driving up the long winding road to the main highway, headed out of Forks... possibly forever.

_Are you ready to go yet, Edward?_ _I'd like to try and get back here well before the Spring semester starts, so I can enroll early and beat the rush. _

Jasper's silent question registered in my thoughts a second or two before I turned to look at him. He regarded me steadily, his darker golden eyes on mine as he waited for me to make up my mind.

It had been four months since we'd left the house in Forks.

Four long, agonizing months.

I'd gotten bored doing the normal things that we did when we weren't enrolled in school, so Jasper and I had decided that it was time to go and do something about it.

Being just as mind hungry as I was, he had decided to take a class or two at Cornell now that Carlisle would be teaching there part time. He was anxious to get enrolled and get his books ordered. Having gotten bored with just sitting at home reading every book he could get his hands on or order online, he'd finally decided that a few more classes in college would help him pass his time more effectively. The idea of taking a few classes in psychology, a subject that he hadn't studied much in the past, had peaked his interest recently. He was curious how his special talent for controlling emotions would mix with a new ability to understand how the mind worked.

I, personally, wasn't so sure that Jasper spending so much time in a class full of innocent human students without one of our family nearby was the best idea.

But, I couldn't stop him. He was determined.

His continuing weakness for human blood had made it much harder for him to sit through classes filled with warm bodied students, even though he'd made enormous strides in resisting his natural vampiric impulses. I had to admit that the fact that he had managed to graduate high school so many times over the decades was proof enough of that.

Well... great strides, aside from the disaster at Bella's birthday party.

But, in his defense, there had been fresh blood in the room that no one expected, least of all Jasper. I still didn't hold him responsible for his near attack on Bella.

Just the same, the entire family, including me, thought that it would be an incredible help to Jasper to have Carlisle on the campus, even if he wasn't in the immediate area. He tended to look up to Carlisle as his mentor in this vegetarian lifestyle we'd chosen, and just knowing he would be nearby would help remind him of his dedication to the preservation of human life.

That was what Jasper had planned to do.

I had different ideas, and I'd talked him into coming with me for a little bit, before he took off for school, to back me up, in case I needed some help somewhere along the line.

I dropped my bag on the table and nodded. "Yes, Jasper. I'm ready to go. No time like the present, right?" Jasper smiled his crooked smile.

_Yes. Let's get this over with. She needs to die. _His mental tone was vicious.

I definitely agreed with him on that one.

I couldn't help but smile back at him. As I spent more and more time with him, I was slowly realizing that Jasper and I had more in common than I had previously thought.

_ Where did Alice say she saw Victoria last?_He raised his eyebrows with the question, impatience in every line of his body.

"She said the last place she saw her was somewhere in Texas." I raked my hand through my hair in indecision. "'It has a red titled roof and a large courtyard with white stucco walls,'" I quoted in a perfect imitation of Alice's most annoying, high pitched tone. Jasper chuckled, shaking his head. I laughed with him for a second and then sighed. "To be honest, that isn't much help, from what I can recall of Texas."

Jasper grinned. _Yes... that pretty much describes every home in Texas that I ever encountered._

"I'm not exactly sure where to start, but, I figure once we get there, you will have better luck than I will figuring out where to pick up her trail. You _do_know Texas after all."

Jasper nodded slightly, grimacing. _That I do,_He pondered for a moment and his gaze took on the far away quality of someone seeing images from the past.

Knowing what he was remembering, I tried to skip out of his head before I caught any of it, but because Jasper had developed that odd quirk of talking to me in thought rather than speech, I was unable to get out before I saw some of the horrific scenes of his past life. I shuddered.

Refocusing his eyes on me, he smiled apologetically. I took a chance that he'd smothered out the images of his past visions, and let myself back into his mind so that we might resume our conversation.

_ Sorry. It's unpleasant, I know. I lived it. Although I have to admit, it's been decades since I've visited my old home._ He shrugged slightly, and his face took on a haunted look. _I'm curious to see how much it's changed._

"I'm sure it's nothing like that anymore," I hoped, anyway. I picked up my bag and turned towards him. "Let's get this over with."


	5. Fearless

**This fiction is an EPOV of New Moon - written very much in the style of Midnight Sun. As such, I have re-purposed the dialog from the book whenever Edward and his family are with Bella. But the thoughts, feelings and the story line of Edward and his family away from Bella have been created by me.**

**That being said, ALL of the Characterizations all belong to S. Meyer - with absolutely NO copyright infringement intended whatsoever, and this story is meant purely for entertainment purposes only.**

5. Fearless

"Excuse me, Darlin', but you look like you could use someone to talk to." _He looks pretty sad, sitting here all alone._

The sweet, warm, human scent reached me a fraction of a second after the softly spoken words did. The mental thought came a half second later, when I'd reached out with my mind to check the ultimate intent behind the words. The slightly husky female voice came from my left, and was only about a foot away from the sound of it.

If she was sitting that close to me, I must have seriously lost my touch at repelling humans. Emmett would be sure to get a kick out of that one.

_You need to work on that, Edward. _I berated myself silently._ You've lost your edge since you met Bella._

As always, the dull ache that came with thinking her name made me clench my jaw for a few seconds as I waited for the pain to subside. I struggled internally for a moment, trying to decide if I wanted to be rude and ignore this girl, hoping she would go away, or if I should take the time to speak to her, and pray that she would have satisfied whatever curiosity brought her over here, and she would just leave.

It had been a week or so since I'd hunted last, and the scent suddenly swirling around me was very attractive. In fact, the more I thought about it, and the more I savored it, the better it smelled. My tongue and throat smoldered with a low heat. Too attractive.

As I sat there, my muscles tightening involuntarily, my eyes burned and my venom flowed, filling my mouth. I had to swallow hard to keep myself seated on the worn stool I currently occupied.

When I left here, going hunting was now my first priority. I knew that I was becoming much too dangerous to be around humans as often as I was having to be lately.

Brave, overly mouth watering girls like this one didn't help me to keep my focus off of killing them, either.

I wasn't really in the mood to speak to anyone, contrary to what she seemed to believe, but Esme's patient teachings on how to behave properly with women won out over rudeness. Intending on being as polite as I could, I dropped my hands from where I'd had my chin propped on them and looked up from where I had been staring at the grimy bar carpet. Slowly, I turned to look at the girl who'd spoken to me.

She was pretty for a human, in a rather plain sort of way. Long, reddish blond hair framed a round, pale face that looked as if it rarely saw the sun. Internally, I sighed. I knew how that felt.

Intelligent blue-gray eyes locked on mine, and the small smile that curved her full lips as she looked me over, made her slightly more attractive then she had been when I had first glanced up at her.

_Whoa,_ she blinked at me with an appreciative look on her face that I had grown to recognize over the years. _He's got some gorgeous eyes._ "I hope that you don't think I'm too bold for saying it, but you have some seriously pretty eyes."

Wow. A woman that actually said what she was thinking. This was new. Internally, I snorted. _Edward, you're becoming too jaded._

_He's just pretty all over,_ was her next unspoken thought, accompanied by a soft mental chuckle as she let her eyes travel down my frame and back up again. That was more like what I was used to hearing. Well, maybe not the _pretty_ part. I couldn't remember having ever been called 'pretty'.

"Thanks." I couldn't help but smile back at her, in spite of myself. Her faint southern accent reminded me of my brother Jasper. Thinking of him made me miss my family, and a pang of homesickness shook me for a moment. It must have shown on my face.

"You miss them." the girl stated in a matter-of-fact tone, nodding slightly to herself.

Startled, I blinked at her a few times and then looked quickly away and focused on the passing crowds. The airport had grown busy while I had been lost in my thoughts. This stranger was either gifted in her own right, or I had spoken out loud and didn't realize it.

The girl sighed, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw her look away as well.

"I'm sorry," she apologized, her voice holding a hint of regret. "I could feel your sadness. I'm kinda weird that way, I guess." she chuckled softly.

So she was gifted then. But weird? Not really. Not by my standards, anyway.

I idly wondered what she would think if she knew she was actually talking to a blood thirsty vampire who could read her thoughts. I'm guessing she wouldn't think her gift of empathy was weird anymore. I narrowed my eyes as I watched her frank and open and fearless assessment of me.

Then again, it might not be as much of a shock to her as it probably should be.

_Someone as handsome as this boy is shouldn't be alone._

It wasn't as if I hadn't heard thoughts like hers from human girls before, but the difference was that there was nothing but concern in this girl's thoughts. She wasn't thinking anything but that. No further desires for my company. That surprised me. It was totally unlike most of my dealings with the human girls that surrounded me on a daily basis.

My old schoolmate, Jessica Stanley had driven me near insane with the crazy fantasies she'd had about me in the few years I'd attended school with her. Thank goodness she had finally gotten over those, for the most part, once Bella and I had started dating.

_Bella_. Ouch. _Someday,_ I vowed, _I would get used to that pain_.

This girl, though, wasn't thinking the way that normal human girls and women thought about me upon a first meeting. I could only discern a real concern for my well being in her somewhat cluttered thoughts. It threw me a bit.

"It's quite all right. You just startled me because you were correct in your assumption," I replied, hearing her heartbeat skip a beat and stutter a bit, and then watching as her eyes widened slightly at hearing the otherworldly quality in my voice.

_I've never heard a guy who talks like he does. His voice is pretty sexy. Wow. I wonder where he's from?_

Now _that_ was a more normal reaction. That I could handle. Taking care to hide my teeth, I cautiously smiled at her.

Her previously buzzing mind went blank. I stifled a chuckle. Damn. I should know better than to do that by now. Apparently, I'd just 'dazzled' her. The memory that went along with the term again twisted my stomach for a brief flash, but I recovered quickly and nodded to her.

"My name is Edward," I said, not extending my hand. I wasn't wearing gloves, and I didn't want to alarm her with my arctic touch. I hoped she didn't see it as rude.

This strange girl surprised me by blinking a few times and then smiling a full smile, showing me all of her teeth and nodding back, not even noticing that I wasn't offering to shake hands.

"I'm Parker," she said, her voice now somewhat breathless. I grinned at her again, and was rewarded when her heart once more skipped a beat. "It's nice to meet you, Edward." Her face reddened slightly, the faint pooling of the blood under the delicate skin of her cheeks caught my attention, reminded me of her tasty scent, and made my mouth water again with thirst. I sternly reminded myself that I would be leaving to hunt soon, and to just hang in there a little bit longer.

I frowned, focusing in on the faint color staining her cheeks and wondered distractedly why she would be blushing like that. It was then that I realized that I was staring at her.

Why on earth was I staring at this pretty human girl? She was no one to me. _Stop it Edward. This is the whole reason why you're even sitting here to start with, you idiot._

Slightly uncomfortable, she looked down at her hands, and the purse she was holding and busied herself by bending over and setting it at her feet, and draping her jacket over the top of it. _He needs to stop doing that, or I'm not going to be able to think straight pretty soon._

"So, you looked pretty sad, sitting here all by yourself. Are you waiting for someone to come in on a plane, or just saying goodbye to someone that's left?" she asked me, honest curiosity evident on her face. _I wonder if he's married.. I hope I'm not stepping on any one's toes by talking to him..._

I supposed I should have been bothered because it was a rather nosy question from a stranger that I'd just met, but I couldn't find it in me to be annoyed with her. Oddly enough, I found that I quite liked the concern she had for me. I should be running for the hills right now to protect her, as thirsty as I was, but my curiosity about _her_ was enough to keep me sitting here. Maybe I _was_ just lonely.

"Actually, I'm on my way home. I've been... visiting.. with a friend. But, she's gone now, so I have no reason to still be here any longer." I edited, of course, but it wasn't all a lie. Victoria _was_ gone, and I had no idea where. I really was no good at tracking, and it infuriated me.

The reason I was even sitting here in the airport was due to the fact that I'd just put Jasper on a plane back home, our attempts to corner her failing, even after tracking her through Texas and every state and continent in between there and here. We'd decided that she must have had the gift for self preservation, because somewhere in the midst of all of that, she'd given us the slip. It totally enraged Jasper, making him very difficult to live with. So, I'd decided to spend some time on my own, and convinced him to go home to Alice, knowing that he was missing her intensely.

I could certainly sympathize with him, although I wasn't missing Alice.

Well, not _much_. I loved my adopted sister, but she was great at trying my already limited patience.

Parker looked back at me, her gray eyes searching my face. "Where's home?"

I blinked, bringing myself back to the present. "Forks, Washington." I replied, automatically, then I shrugged. "Well, it was, but my family and I just moved a few months ago. I suppose in a way, it will always be home to me." I sighed, then looked at her with curiosity of my own. "Where are you travelling to or from?"

"No where in particular." she shrugged. "I live on the road. Life is too exciting to stay in one place for very long." _No one to keep tabs on me, either._ she added with a mental shrug.

Ah. She was a free spirit. I suppose I should have expected that about her. Anyone who was able to walk up and sit down and talk so candidly with a total stranger like she did with me wouldn't be happy being trapped in one place for too long.

"That sounds like an exciting way to live," I commented lightly, striving to sound like I didn't care. I shouldn't care, actually. What this girl did was none of my business. But I found myself curious. Not good.

She shrugged, as if it was no big deal. "I inherited a lot of money from my grandmother when she died. It's allowed me to live the life I've always dreamed of living. She believed in living life to it's fullest. I'm trying to do that in her honor." she ran a hand through her long hair, brushing it away from her face and shaking it out with a practiced, easy motion. The result brought a puff of savory, heavily scented air that made my stomach clench in hunger.

I really needed to go eat something.

_Now, Edward. Go find something to eat._ I internally yelled at myself.

Abruptly, I stood up, intending on heading for the nearest car rental counter. Luckily, Jasper had friends in low places, so I was already equipped with a driver's license that said I was seven years older than I was. Well, in human years at least.

"Well, Parker, it's certainly been nice having you to talk to. It was a nice way to pass the time. I really need to be heading out though. My family is waiting on me." I looked around for signs that might point me towards a Hertz or an Enterprise. Surprised, Parker stood up as well.

"You too, Edward. I've really enjoyed talking to you." _More than I expected too, honestly. He' seems like an interesting guy. I wish I had more time to get to know him. "_Is there somewhere I could drop you? I am pretty much open for time." She reached down to pick up her purse and coat, quickly sliding her arms into the sleeves. "Really, I don't mind." her eyes were pleading. _I'm so tired of being alone. It would be nice to have some company, even if it's only for a few minutes._

Surprised, I looked back at her, wondering what she was up to. Her motives seemed genuine; I didn't hear anything in her thoughts that might suggest she wanted anything other than a friend to hang out with for awhile. Meeting her eyes directly, trying to figure her out, she looked back at me without hesitation, smiling slightly, trying to convince me. Who was this girl? Why was I even thinking about taking her up on this offer? It was crazy. She didn't even know me, for crying out loud. I could be some monster that wanted to hurt her.

Oh.. wait... I _was_ a monster that wanted to hurt her. Silly me. I snorted privately.

_Don't even consider it, Edward._ I told myself sternly. _You are entirely too thirsty to risk spending any more time with her, much less cooped up together in a car._

"Sure," I heard myself accept her offer of a ride and could have kicked myself. What the hell was wrong with me? I guess I was lonelier than I thought I was. Dammit. "It would be nice to have someone to travel with for awhile."

Her smile lit up her face. "Great! Let me go and get my car, and I'll meet you out front by the Southwest Air gate."

"Sure. What color is your car?" I picked up my bag and slung it back over my shoulder as she turned and headed the opposite direction.

"Trust me," she shot back over her shoulder with a wink and a sassy smile. "You'll know which one is mine." and with a toss of her head and flourish of her thick, honey colored hair, she was gone.

I stood there for what seemed like an eternity staring stupidly after her. I couldn't remember ever seeing a human move so quickly. It was a shock to my vampiric senses. She _was_ human... right? I inhaled deeply, still detecting traces of her delicious scent. Yes. No doubt about that one. I decided that after hanging out with Bella for so long, who tripped over her own feet, seeing a human who moved normally was odd to me.

Ugh. Bella. There was the pain again, right on cue. Although, it seemed to hurt less that time. Strange.

I wandered through the airport, listening to the buzzing of voices both around me, and in my head. It damn near drove me so crazy to be around this many people at one time, with everyone talking and thinking at once, that it was something I attempted to do as little as possible - especially now that I was no longer in school and being basically forced to endure it. I tried my best to tune it all out and just concentrate on the mental 'voice' of the girl, Parker, that I'd been talking to earlier, knowing that it would lead me to her.

I picked up the faint tone of her thoughts and let it lead me like a dog on a leash in the direction she would be found. Stepping through the exterior doors by the "Southwest Air" gate, I immediately turned to my left and spotted her standing next to a flawless white car that very nearly stole my breath away. It was a good thing I didn't need it.

Aston Martin Virage.

Hand assembled. Four hundred ninety horsepower. Zero to sixty miles per hour in four point two seconds, with a maximum speed of one hundred and eighty six miles per hour. Xenon headlights. Hand tooled, hand stitched leather interior.

Elegance and grace defined in an automobile.

I was practically drooling.

Parker smiled at my reaction. "Granny was _really_ good to me."

"Yeah, I see that."

Her head tilted to the side a bit as she asked, "So, where are we heading? As I said, I have nothing but time, a full tank of gas, and open highway."

Standing for a moment, I considered my options. As thirsty as I was, I really had no where in mind to go. Rio was a large island, with lots of open jungles where I could satiate my thirst at any time. I thought for a moment, and gave her directions that would have us on the interstate for several hours at least, wondering even as I did why I was doing it.

I knew the answer, of course. I was lonely.

Nodding, Parker smiled, truly unworried by the prospect of spending several hours in the car with me. She pressed a button inside the car that made the lock for my door open silently.

"Well, get in."

I made my feet move and somehow managed to stagger over to the gorgeous car and opened the door. Looking inside, I let my eyes slide around the car's interior like a lover's caress on naked skin. It was simply breathtaking.

I owned an Aston Martin Vanquish, and I adored it, but I had yet to behold firsthand the classically timeless lines of the newest child in the Aston Martin line. I was totally smitten.

Reminding myself of my always present thirst, I held my breath as I slid into the leather seat. As I sat back into the comfortable seat though, I couldn't bite back the appreciative groan that escaped. Parker chuckled as she slipped on her seat belt.

"I figured you for a car dude. You totally fit the bill." she smiled at me. "Put your seat belt on, Darlin', you're gonna need it."_ Wow,_ she thought privately. _He smells fantastic._

Bella used to tell me that. I sighed. Was there anything that wouldn't remind me of her?

We weren't even out of the airport parking lot before she jumped on me. Well, not _jumped_ on me, exactly - or she wouldn't be breathing anymore, as thirsty as I was - but, it felt certainly like it. I wasn't expecting her to be so forward. But, now that I thought about it, I probably should have. She was the one who approached me, after all.

"Okay, Edward," Parker turned and flashed an impish grin at me that reminded me a lot of Alice's when she was feeling pushy. Great. "You obviously have a lot on your mind, and the vibe I'm picking up from you says that your going through a lot right now, so, since we are going to be in the car for a few hours at least, you might as well spill it."

I shot a quick look at her, raising my eyebrows in surprise. "What do you mean, 'the vibe you're picking up from me'?" I asked in confusion. "I don't understand that phrasing."

She chuckled once, softly. "I dunno. As I mentioned before... you could say that I'm a little... weird." she smoothly pulled the car out into traffic and promptly stepped on the gas. The Virage's engine growled, and we were off at a speed that shocked me, weaving in and out of the cars on the interstate with a skill that completely surprised me as well.

Who _was _this girl?

"I think I can handle hearing your story. I'm probably more okay with 'weird' than you might imagine," I commented dryly, feeling my mouth curve into a smile. Parker glanced at me once, nodding to herself, as if confirming something in her own mind. I tuned in, curious as to what she was thinking at the moment.

_I knew that he was different, _she thought silently. _No one that good looking who speaks the way he does is anywhere near normal_. I fought to hide my grin, not wanting to let on exactly how 'not normal' I was. The fact that I was already breathing as little a possible while locked in this car with her would give me away bad enough if she was paying attention. I had the feeling that this slightly odd blond girl didn't miss much.

"Well," she began quietly, "I've always been able to get a feel for someones... emotions, I guess." she shrugged, as if it was no big deal. "You were pretty sad even though you were trying to hide it when I first walked up" she glanced at me. "I knew better."

"I have brother that is like that, " I said, not sure why I felt the need to share this personal information with her. She was being open, so I guess I could also... to some degree. "His name is Jasper. He's very sensitive to the moods and emotions of the people around him."

_Ahhh..._ my throat flamed as I took an accidental breath. Going hunting was _definitely_ my first priority the second I stepped out of this car. I clenched my hands into fists in my lap, hoping that if she noticed the action, she would just think I was nervous about her driving.

Parker nodded to me before throwing a quick look over her left shoulder to change lanes as she stepped on the gas. The car roared in response and smoothly accelerated. I'd never met a human, much less a girl, who drove as fast as I did, and definitely not one with so much control. It was obvious that she loved to drive, and was very good at it. I liked her more all the time. Too bad we wouldn't be able to continue our friendship beyond the time we spent in this car today. It just wouldn't be safe for her, or me and my family, if we spent any time together. She was far too observant for her own good. Or mine.

"So," she said, settling back into her seat and flipping on the cruise control. "What's the girls name that has you so torn up inside, Edward." she asked me casually. _It's a shame that some girl did a number on this boy. He sure seems like a pretty cool dude to me._

I wasn't sure if I was ready to talk about Bella or not, but I didn't think that talking about her with this stranger would be overly painful. She was an unbiased third party. Maybe her point of view would help me feel better about what had happened... even if I wasn't able to tell her the whole truth.

I fought the desire to take a deep breath to calm myself before talking to Parker. I had a pretty good grip on my thirst, but I didn't want to push it any further than I had to at the moment, especially being in such close confines.

"Her name is Bella." I said, my voice not near as strong as I would have liked. Parker kept silent, waiting. "I actually broke up with her. I didn't feel like I was... good enough... for her." That pretty much summed it all up in one sentence. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Parker purse her lips, and I resisted intruding into her mind, to hear how she felt about what I'd said. Humming low under my breath, I tried to tune out her thoughts as she mulled over what I said.

"You left her for her own good?" she asked, suspicion heavy in her tone. "What makes you think that it was for her own good?"

"That isn't really something I can talk about," I replied firmly. She shot me a look, her eyes narrowing, hearing the warning in my tone. The very last thing I wanted to tell her was that she'd been spending the last hour in the company of an extremely thirsty vampire, and she was a potential meal.

_What in the world?_ She thought privately. _He sounded almost threatening. Hmm.. I guess I'll have to be more cautious with my questions from now on. But I know he needs to talk about it, whatever it is._

"Okay, fair enough." She complied quietly, and I felt rather bad for worrying her. "I guess it's not really my business anyway. I just felt like you needed to talk about it."

"It's still rather painful to think about, much less talk about," I allowed, "But I know that you mean well. Thank you." and so that she didn't think me completely ungrateful, I said, "But I honestly do appreciate the ride."

She shrugged. "It's no problem, Edward. I'm just trying to help."

We rode in silence for awhile, the car running smooth and quiet and out of curiosity, I glanced over at the lighted speedometer. It registered ninety five miles per hour. My eyebrows went up slightly and I peered up at her face. She saw the direction of my glance, and grinned.

"Does my driving scare you?" she asked, amusement evident on her pretty features. I couldn't help but grin back at her.

"Not in the slightest," I answered honestly. "I keep being taken by surprise by you, and that isn't something that is easy to do." I said, chuckling. "I drive exactly the same way you do in my Volvo." Parker smiled.

I nodded. Then, almost under my breath, I muttered, "And in my Vanquish.."

Now it was her turn to be shocked.

"You have a _Vanquish_?" she said, turning to look me full in the face, her eyes wide.

"Yes. I love it."

"What year is it? What color? Is it a manual or automatic?" she shot the questions at me so quickly, the words practically tumbled out of her mouth. I couldn't help but laugh out loud. It was nice to have someone else to talk to that appreciated fine automobiles.

"Let's see, in that order - two thousand seven, black, and six speed manual transmission." I smiled, pride in my car practically dripping from every word. "And, before you ask it, two hundred and one miles per hour is the fastest I've driven it." Her mouth fell open, and I knew that was what she was thinking before she even thought it. It was a common question. I just beat her to thinking it.

"You've had it top speed then," she shook her head in wonder. "Wow. I've never had this one much over one-fifty." she chuckled ruefully. "I can't find anywhere around that I can go that fast and not worry about getting popped by the cops." she turned and looked at me with narrowed eyes. "Huh. Crazy. So you must like fast cars." then she chuckled_. A flipping gorgeous guy that likes fast cars. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised by that. _

I couldn't help but smile at her thought. "Yeah. My whole family does." I pondered for a moment. "Except for my older brother, Emmett. He likes to go off road more than to drive fast. You should see his Jeep. Huge tires." I smiled, thinking about all of the times Em had tried to scare me on purpose when he took me out in his four by four. He seemed to forget that even though he was one, it was fairly impossible to 'scare' an immortal. Since it was very hard to actually 'kill' us, we really had very little to fear.

Sometimes, I was pretty sure that Emmett even forgot he _was_ a vampire.

Parker smiled back, her eyes on the road again. We rode in silence for awhile, my eyes roaming the swiftly passing landscape. Rio was a beautiful island.. if you stayed outside of the more poverty stricken sections of town. The mainland area near the island where Esme and Carlisle usually vacationed was a very nice area, heavily over grown with jungle and vegetation, and teeming with wildlife. This was a very good thing; it meant that we never had to travel very far whenever we needed to hunt.

Hunt. The thought made my throat flame dully, and I was aware again of the pain of my thirst. I glanced at Parker out of the corner of my eye, inhaling her tantalizing female scent as I did so. Ouch. Clenching my fingers into fists, I tried to distract myself from my hunger by analyzing the different combination of aromas that made up her own unique smell.

Every human has their own particular scent, made up of a combination of hormones and pheromones, produced by their bodies for different reasons depending on the need for it. Most humans were unaware that they even exuded an odor. Some were, and tried to use various perfumes and deodorants to cover it up. Some of them, women usually, went a little over board with these products, and it was enough to cause my super sensitive vampiric senses to scream in overwhelmed agony. The human body used scent to subtly say a variety of things, but the two that I encountered most often were fear, and lust.

Fear was perfectly understandable, especially when they came into unaccustomed, tight quarters with I or my strange, chalky skinned family. Instinct told them that there was something not quite right with us, and fear was the emotion that their bodies responded with, even if they were unaware of it. Lust was another aroma that was easily categorized, and we ran across that one quite a bit since nature, or whatever it was that had designed us, made us to be attractive to the prey that we were supposed to hunt.

Human females fairly drowned themselves in the odor of lust whenever I or my equally attractive brothers were nearby. Parker exuded no such odor, but she had her own girlish scent, smelling of vanilla, coconut and roses. Hm. Not at all unattractive... like the girl herself. My mouth watered slightly, and I swallowed the venom that flowed. I would not allow myself to hurt this human girl..no matter how thirsty I was. I suppose, if I was inclined to feel that way, I could feel quite smug about the ease with which I attracted women, and perhaps a little insulted that this girl did not feel that way about me. But there was only one woman, human or vampire, that I had ever felt that emotion for... and I had given her up.

Sighing in despair, I leaned my head back against the head rest, and tried not to think about Bella. Parker heard my sigh, interpreted it correctly, and I heard her internally mulling over what had caused my sudden angst.

_That girl must have really done a number on him,_ she thought, pity saturating her mental voice. _I wish there was a way I could get him to talk about it. He would probably feel a little better if he let it out. Bottling up things like that is never good. I ought to know. _I in turn wondered idly what had happened to her to make her 'know' that. Interesting.

Internally I cringed. No, Edward. You do not find her interesting.

Turning to me, one eye still on traffic, she decided to try once more to get me to talk about my woes. "So, Edward..." she began, uncertain how to begin. She didn't want to upset me, I knew from being tuned into her thoughts, but she also firmly believed the only way for me to feel better was to discuss what was bothering me.

"I really think that you would feel better, and be able to move on faster, if you talked about what happened between you and your lady friend." I met her clear blue eyed gaze, evaluating the reasoning behind her request. She met my gaze readily, which surprised me. Bella was the only girl that had ever been able to do that for any amount of time without looking swiftly away, but her heart had still reacted strongly to my golden stare. Parker's heart beat smooth and steady, no reaction at all. I inhaled carefully, and could detect no hint of lust in her heady female scent, so it was obvious that she really was just honestly concerned about me.

_Oh what the hell_, I thought, _It's not like we have anything else to do._ I sighed, not sure if I was emotionally ready for this, but, decided to give it a shot.

"I'm not even sure where to start..." I hedged. There was a LOT that I wouldn't be able to tell her. I couldn't exactly tell her that I left Bella because I was tired of constantly putting her in danger from hanging out with my vampire family. There was also no way that I could tell her that I only left her for her own safety from _me_... because I lusted for her blood every second that I was with her.

Parker nodded in sympathy, misinterpreting my hesitation as pain. "I understand, Edward. Just tell me why you felt that leaving her would be better for her than staying with her. You seem like a really decent guy. Did she hurt you or something? Maybe she cheated on you?"

"We just weren't compatible, is what it really boils down to," I explained softly. "My world and her world just didn't mesh." I shrugged slightly, trying to signify that I didn't have any more to say on the matter. I couldn't say anything more on the matter... not without openly lying, and I didn't want to have to lie to this nice girl who was only trying to help me.

Well... Okay. I didn't want to have to lie to her any_more_.

It was also much safer for her. The less she knew, the better off she would be.

Parker's deep blue eyes regarded me silently for a moment before turning back to the highway. _It's obvious that he's not quite ready to talk about it, but I believe what he says. _she thought._ I'm not going to push him any further on the subject._

I tried to stifle a sigh of relief that I wasn't quite able to hold back. Her overly sensitive ears heard it, however, and she glanced at me quickly, nodding to herself. Again, she took me by surprise. I would swear she was at least part vampire, as sensitive to noises as she was, damn.

_Yep, I'm going to just leave him alone. No need to cause him any further pain_. I smiled at her, not sure if she saw it or not.

"I do appreciate you wanting to help," I told her. "Please don't for a moment think that I don't. It's just not really anything that I can elaborate on without sounding completely insane." _and putting you in great danger,_ I added silently. She nodded.

"I understand, Edward." she smiled back at me. "I'm just one of those types of people that wants to save the world, I guess." she chuckled, "And if I can't save the world, I'll save it one person at a time." she finished quietly and then astonished me by muttering an oath that I'd heard very few women ever say before, and jerking the steering wheel hard to the left. "Look out where you're going, moron!" she muttered furiously under her breath, and promptly accelerated, throwing an evil glare over her shoulder at the offending motorist as we shot by him. I felt my eyes widen in amusement as I heard the words in her mind that she was careful to _not_ say verbally.

Wow. She had quite the... vocabulary. I blinked, trying hard not to laugh out loud at the phrases she was thinking privately. Most of them would make a human man blush.

Although few things had the capacity to startle me, I couldn't help gripping the edge of the seat to keep my balance as I slid around on the smooth leather as she fearlessly pushed the Virage's stability limits dodging another careless motorist. Pressing the gas pedal even harder in her irritation and determination to get away from them, I heard her growling under her breath. I suddenly couldn't resist the laugh that escaped, and Parker grinned at me apologetically, running her hands over the smooth steering wheel in embarrassment.

"Sorry about that," she chuckled. "I hate people that can't drive and don't pay attention to where they are going," she explained. "That idiot probably didn't even have insurance."

I grinned at her, nodding in agreement. "Probably not. Very few people driving over here actually do." I looked her over with narrowed eyes, appraising her silently for a moment. "I know exactly how you feel, though," I said, "You actually drive better than almost anyone I've met, and that's not something I've ever run across before." I thought about that for a second, and had to change my mind. "Well, except for my sister, Rosalie. She's probably the only one in my family that can out drive me." I qualified, giving credit where credit was due. Rose was an excellent driver, and this girl was probably a very close second to her skill. I couldn't deny that I was impressed.

Parker laughed. "I think your sister and I would get along just fine then," she smiled at me, her eyes lighting up, and her cheeks blushing a very becoming shade of red. I felt a twinge in my stomach, and was suddenly aware of my thirst again. What was it about this pretty girl that made me so thirsty?

_I seriously doubt that_, I thought, _Rose wouldn't like you for exactly that reason. No one can be better than she is at something. _I looked at Parker carefully out of the corner of my eye, feeling my throat flame in response. _You're also too attractive for a human,_ I chuckled again softly, earning a curious look and a tentative smile from Parker. _She wouldn't like that, either._

_Good Lord. I fall for one human, and now I look at them all. Get a grip, Edward. _I sighed, but still chuckled_._

_I wonder what he was laughing about, _Parker thought silently_. What did I do?_ She decided it wasn't anything to worry about, and we drove on in a comfortable silence, the dark night and highway stretching out ahead of us, the miles racing by.

Parker looked around doubtfully as she pulled the car over to a stop next to the curb I'd indicated.

"Edward... you strike me as a pretty tough guy, but are you really sure that you want me to drop you _here_?" she shuddered lightly. "This place doesn't look very safe at all." I glanced around at the shabby tenements that surrounded us and shrugged.

_Trust me,_ I thought to myself, _whomever resides here would do to be much more scared of me, than I ever would be of them. _Aloud I said, "I will be fine, Parker. I am more than capable of taking care of myself." I grinned at her suddenly. "I can be pretty scary when I need to be."

Parker met my eyes in what I had determined was her own completely fearless manner, and replied, "I have no doubt about that." internally, she chuckled, thinking, _I probably should be scared, you are a stranger that I've just barely met, after all, but I just can't bring myself to be._

Oh yes. She should be scared. More than she would ever know.

I climbed out of the car, aware that we were already attracting unneeded attention with her flashy car in this section of town. Immortal I might be, but Parker was not. I needed to get her out of here as soon as possible to avoid any trouble from the locals I saw peeking out of windows, and the thoughts I could hear buzzing around inside the minds around us.

Shutting the door behind me, I glanced around before leaning in through the open window to say goodbye. Parker smiled at me.

"Well, Edward, I guess this is goodbye. I must say, I'm glad that I met you." _and I wish that I could get to know you better._ "Take care of yourself, alright?"

Her warm, vanilla scent assailed me as I took a breath to reply. For a split second, I closed my eyes, fighting the thirst, and then I opened them and met her curious gaze.

"Thanks again, Parker. It's been my pleasure, completely, getting to know you these last few hours." I considered putting out my hand to shake hers, even with my icy skin and wearing no gloves, but kept my hands safely in my pockets. As tempting as feeling warm, female body heat again might be, I might as well leave her with a good impression and as few questions as possible.

"You'd best leave now," I said, making it a point to look casually around us, drawing her attention to the shabby drapes pulled back by too curious residents. She followed my look, nodding slowly. I stood up and stepped back from the car, giving it a wide berth and plenty of room to maneuver.

Smiling one last time, Parker rolled up the window and, without a second glance, stepped on the gas, the car fish tailing in the gravel road, kicking up small pebbles that bounced off the windows of the curious, causing the drapes to drop quickly back into place. I couldn't quite stop the laugh that escaped as I watched her disappear into the distance. I doubted I'd ever meet another human quite like her .


	6. News

**This fiction is an EPOV of New Moon - written very much in the style of Midnight Sun. As such, I have re-purposed the dialog from the book whenever Edward and his family are with Bella. But the thoughts, feelings and the story line of Edward and his family away from Bella have been created by me.**

**That being said, ALL of the Characterizations all belong to S. Meyer - with absolutely NO copyright infringement intended whatsoever, and this story is meant purely for entertainment purposes only.**

6. News

Curled up in the corner with my legs bent and drawn up, I wrapped my arms around them and rested my chin on my knees. There was a bed in the room, as well as a chair, but I didn't feel the need to sit on either. Both were ratty and worn... dirty even... and I didn't care to get anywhere near them.

I could smell them from where I sat. No thanks.

Sitting exactly like this, I hadn't actually moved in longer than I cared to remember.

_What time is it, anyway?_ It didn't matter.

Every few seconds that ticked by, my body involuntarily twitched with the desire to get up. I still wasn't sure why. It wasn't like I had anything to do, or anywhere to go. But, every few seconds, I counted to ten, gripped my arms tighter around my legs to hold myself where I was, and refused to move.

Forks. Home. Bella.

_No!_

A slight scuffling noise came from somewhere to my right. Unworried, I stayed where I was. There was very little on this earth that I feared, if anything. A large, brown rat scurried into my current line of sight along the paint chipped baseboard about a foot away from me. As I watched, it paused in it's quest for whatever it was that rats quested for, rose up on it's haunches and sniffed the air. It's long whiskers twitched, and it stared at me with it's beady black eyes for several long seconds, wiggling it's little front paws. I figured that it was probably wondering if this oddly scented creature sitting so motionless in the corner was any threat to it.

_Don't worry, Mr. Rat. You are quite safe from me._

Even though I hadn't eaten anything at all in longer than I care to recall, I was not even the slightest bit interested in slacking my burning thirst on the fat rodent. The creature in question must have satisfied it's own curiosity about me, because in the next instant, it dropped back down on all fours again and scuttled off to get on with it's day.

_What day is it?_ I didn't really care.

Aimlessly, I stared at the wall in front of me without really seeing it. A slight breeze blew through the filthy broken window and stirred the cracked and peeling wallpaper that trailed long, partially yellowed strands into motion, catching my attention. For a brief, dull, moment, I shifted my eyes to watch the movement. Beyond that, no other part of me moved.

Gradually, I became aware that I was muttering under my breath. Thinking about it for an instant, I shrugged, deciding that I had probably gone insane. That small body movement, after none for so long, was almost painful.

What did madness look like? Could vampires go mad? If so, I was most likely there.

A spider dropped to the floor in front of me, trailing a long line of silken thread behind him. Or her. Whatever it was. I watched it impassively until it made it to the stained carpet and slowly crawled off.. disappearing under the rusted bed frame.

_Where was I, anyway?_ I honestly wasn't sure. Curious about my surroundings for the first time in the many weeks since Parker had dropped me off in the dirty tenement housing, I listened to what was going on outside to see if I could get an idea of where I had ended up in my madness. I seriously could not remember.

Many of the voices I heard, both in my head and with my ears, were speaking Spanish. _Spanish? Really? Hm. Spain? Unlikely. _I shook my head_. Wait._ I titled my head to the left, listening closer.

"O que você quer que eu fique do mercado?" someone asked in a house two blocks away.

_Onde está meu marido? Espero que ele não está com aquela puta de novo, eu vou matá-lo.._ came the thoughts nearby, with a slightly nervous edge to them. My eyes widened slightly at hearing that one. Whore? Really?

"Você tem o dinheiro que você me deve, de porco?" one angry voice shouted.

_Was that Portuguese? Maybe Rio? _I listened for a moment as the invisible argument continued somewhere outside._ Yeah.. I am probably in or near Rio. Great. _I paused for a second, raising my eyebrow._ Now I'm answering my own questions. Lovely._

For a moment or two, in attempt to recall for certain where I was, I thought about the unsuccessful hunting trip with Jasper in an attempt to do away with Victoria permanently. We'd chased her for several months, all over the globe, and thought a few times that we'd had her cornered for sure. Yet, somehow, she always managed to give us the slip and escape. Picking up her trail again after each failed mission had been such an ordeal, we'd finally decided that while we might both be gifted in our own rights, neither Jasper nor I would ever be any good at tracking.

Victoria apparently had a special gift of her own - the gift of self preservation - because she was able to sniff out any trap we'd set for her, and evade us completely, slipping off into the darkness, and rarely leaving anything but her scent behind to prove she had even been there at all. Finally, frustrated and lonely, Jasper had begged me to let him go back to Alice and start his new school year. Irritated myself by our repeated failures, I agreed to let him go and decided to spend some time on my own. I'd dropped him off at the airport and was sitting there, trying very hard not to think about the reason I was sitting there to begin with when the pretty girl with the unforgettable scent, Parker, had walked up and started a conversation with me.

Mulling over the interesting car ride with Parker to my current location finally jogged my usually flawless vampiric memory, and I suddenly remembered where I was.

Rio. Now it was coming back to me. Esme and Carlisle owned an island just off of the mainland of Rio. I wondered idly why I hadn't just gone there.

Of course. I hadn't gone there for exactly that reason. None of my family members could find me so easily here. Even with Alice seeing my choices and decisions, she wouldn't know where to find me as long as I didn't give her any clues.

Well, until now, of course. Now I recalled why I'd chosen to forget. Mentally, I started counting the seconds until my phone buzzed with Alice's number in the caller ID.

Self imposed exile was easier when you didn't have family begging you to come home all of the time. My cell phone was bad enough for that. And I damn sure didn't want to be bothered. I couldn't bring myself to just turn it off, however. I felt guilty for even considering cutting myself off from my family completely.

The offensive phone suddenly buzzed in my pocket, as if brought to life by my thoughts. I ignored it. It had been buzzing intermittently for the last few days. Every time it buzzed, it startled me, and I twitched, but other than that, I didn't make a move to answer it. The only reason I kept the damn thing on and charged was in case there was an emergency with my family. I would know by the caller ID if that was the case and if I should answer it or not. The last few times it had rang it was only Rose, and she had no good reason to call me other than to irritate me, so I ignored the phone when it rang with her number.

With a groan, I made myself stretch my legs out in front of me, and get to my feet. Stretching a bit while I walked, I managed to work my frozen muscles into at least semi-partial use. Slowly, they became flexible enough to be able to wander across the small room to where my small bag of meager items was sitting on the rickety table.

Unzipping the bag, I sifted carelessly through it and pulled out a small, smooth metal item and turned it over in my hand a few times before I worked the mental strength to actually look at it. When I did finally force myself to glance down at the Lemonade cap in my hands, my body clenched in pain and I drew in a ragged breath as the memory that went with the unremarkable cap nearly drowned me in my own emotion at seeing it again. I dropped it back into the bag.

I could go back. Just to check on her... make sure she is okay...

_No. I promised, dammit. No. Like I was never there._

She won't even have to know that I'm there. I could just peek in...

_No! I know I wouldn't be able to stop at that. The next thing that happened would be that I'd end up climbing into her window at midnight, falling on my knees by her bed, begging her to forgive me and take me back._

That wouldn't be a bad thing...

_NO! I'm not going back! _

I grimaced. _Now I'm arguing with myself? What's next?_

"Oh Bella," I moaned softly, closing my eyes in sorrow. "If you only knew how much I miss you."

Her bewitching features danced behind my eyelids, taunting me in my torture.

Not for the first time in the last eight months, I wished that I could cry. How wonderful it would feel to just break down and sob until I couldn't see nor breathe anymore... to just lose myself in the flood of tears. I didn't have really any human remembrance of crying myself, but I had witnessed enough humans indulging in it over the decades, and it looked like it was a wonderful release of emotions. I would dearly love to be able to release some of mine. As the creature I was, I tended to be far too emotional for my own good. My entire family never tired of telling me that. Emmett liked to tease me that I was probably bullied in school for being a wimp. I snorted with the memory.

Speaking of a memory...

I still carried the pictures of her that I had stolen from her on the day that I'd left. I contented myself by looking at them quite a bit at first - so many times, the corners of the photos were dog eared and worn. But, now, I could no longer stand to look at them. They were tucked in the original envelope at the bottom of my bag, and there they stayed.

My phone buzzed again, and it honestly surprised me this time. Rose didn't usually call me more than once in the same day. I fished it out of my pants pocket and flipped it open, suspiciously looking at the number on the caller ID. Yep. Rose. Just as I suspected. I really should just break down and install a different ring-tone, just for her, just so I would know it was her calling without having to bother looking at the phone. I snorted with the idea. No doubt if she ever found out she had her own ring-tone, she would figure that it was because she was special. Oh, she was special all right... but not the 'special' that she would like to believe.

I debated for a minute, the phone buzzing repeatedly in my palm, whether or not I wanted to answer it, and find out what was so damn important, or if I wanted to just let it ring, and ignore it as usual. Maybe I should just hit the button to answer it, and immediately hang up again. That would send a message. Knowing Rose though, she'd just call back.

I rolled my eyes and muttered to myself, knowing instinctively that if I just let it ring now, since she had graduated to calling twice in one day, that she would just keep calling. Something had driven her to risk angering me by calling more than once today. I should probably just figure out what it was that she wanted. I snarled softly. She could be such a pain.

Scowling, I pressed 'answer'. "What?" I asked tersely.

"Wow. You actually answered the phone," Rose answered with a sharp edge of her own. "I guess I should feel pretty honored, right?"

"Why are you aggravating me?" I all but growled into the phone. "What part of 'I want to be alone' don't you understand?" There was silence on the other end. "Rose?"

"Edward," she hesitated for a moment, "You need to come home."

I snorted. "Forget it, Rose. I don't want to go home." I sighed heavily, fighting my irritation with her. "I'm not sure that I will _ever_ want to go home."

"Esme misses you. Carlisle does nothing but work. No one is happy. Emmett is quiet all the time, and he never laughs or smiles anymore. Just come 's no longer a reason to stay away." She retorted quickly.

"Well, I'm sorry, but I'm not ready to come home yet."

There was tense silence on the other end of the phone. If she had called merely to pester me, why wasn't she doing a better job of it? She seemed nervous, and that wasn't like Rose. Not at all. I began to feel nervous myself.

"Rose, what's wrong? Why _did_ you call me? Is there something wrong with Carlisle? Esme?" I asked, suddenly worried. "What-"

"No, no," she broke in quickly. 'There is nothing wrong with anyone in the 'family'," she said, and my mind caught on the way she said the word 'family'. The way that she said it set my jaw grinding.

"What do you mean, Rosalie?" I snapped. "You are obviously dying to tell me something, just come out with it." _And then leave me the hell alone!_ I thought viciously.

Again, there was skittish silence in the other end of the line. I rubbed my face with my free hand, wishing I was able to just read her mind and be done with it. I'd hang up on her so fast, her blond head would spin. But I couldn't. Not at this distance. Dammit.

"Well, I thought that you would want to know that Alice got on a plane back to Forks yesterday morning," she said in a slightly mean voice, as if she was trying to get Alice into trouble. In spite of trying to keep a grip on my temper, I felt my eyebrows go up, and my free hand clench into a fist.

"Alice did what?" I rumbled softly. On the other end of the line, Rosalie cleared her throat nervously, but held her tongue. "I thought I had made myself crystal clear before I left that no one was to make contact with anyone from Forks, nor was anyone to return there for any reason."

"Well, you know how Alice is," she snorted. "She always thinks that she is right about everything because she can see the future." the sarcastic edge to her voice made it obvious that she felt the same thing about me.

"What did she see, Rosalie?" I demanded. "I'm losing what little patience I have, and I'm getting ready to hang up the phone. It's obvious that you called to get her into trouble with me, but you also have more to say, so just tell me what it is, and then don't call me again!"

Rose sat silent again, and I ground my teeth, snarling again. If she hadn't already peaked my attention by the comment about 'the family' being okay, I would have hung up on her by now. I wanted to know what she meant by that. And she was going to tell me.

"Rose," I snarled, "You have ten seconds to tell me the reason you called me, and then I'm hanging up. If you don't tell me, I'm hanging up anyway. I'm done with this."

Drawing an unnecessarily deep breath, Rose rushed to get the words out so fast that they all blended together. "Bella threw herself off a cliff two days ago, Edward. She's dead."

I blinked. I know I heard her, but I couldn't seem to command my mind to make sense of the words.

"What did you say?" I whispered roughly.

Rose was less haughty this time when she answered, knowing that she had struck a nerve and that she had my full attention. "The rest of the family didn't want to tell you, but I told them it would be the best way to get you to come back home." she rushed on when I didn't answer. "This way we could go all back to Forks. We all loved Forks. We were almost able to have 'normal' lives. Now there is no reason to stay away, Edward. We can be a family again."

I knew what she was saying now, but I didn't accept it. "You're lying." I said, my voice barely above a whisper. I refused to believe what she was trying to tell me. "Why would you say such a horrifying thing to me Rosalie?"

"I'm _not_ lying, Edward," Rosalie argued. "It would be way too easy for you to verify whether what I'm saying is true or not. It's a simple matter for you to make a phone call back to Charlie, so why would I lie?" I sat there in numb silence, unable to reply. "Just come home."

After sitting there in shock for a full two minutes, I realized that I was listening to silence. Apparently, I'd hung up on her without knowing that I'd done it. I made myself breathe, slowly, in and out, trying to calm the panic that was trying to take hold of me before it had a chance to fully consume me. I was shaking so hard, I nearly dropped my phone, so I carefully set it down on the table and clenched my hands into fist to still the tremors.

She was lying. She had to be. Bella had promised me that she wouldn't do anything wreckless... for Charlie's sake, if nothing else. If there was anything I knew about Bella, it was that she loved her father, and she would never want to hurt him. She was also not a liar. Unlike Rosalie. She couldn't be dead.

Replaying the conversation I had just had with Rose over in my mind, I slowly began to get angry. I knew that Rosalie didn't like me - the feeling was completely mutual, and had been since _before _we had both became vampires - but there was no reason for her to go out of her way to crush me like this. And with such a hideous lie! Well, there was one sure fire way to prove that she was lying, and I would take care of that right now, and then I would call Rose back and read her the riot act for trying to make me feel even more hideous than I already had been.

Snarling softly under my breath, I picked up my phone again and flipped it out. Taking a deep breath, I dialed the one number that I never thought I'd ever be dialing again.

As I waited through the agonizingly long moments for the call to connect, and then through several static filled rings, I quickly planned what I would say and do depending on who answered the phone. My plans were simple; if Charlie answered the phone, I'd pretend to be one of my family members and ask to speak to Bella. When he called her to the phone, I'd cut the connection, secure in the knowledge that she was alive and well. If Bella answered the phone herself, I'd hang up quickly without saying anything, needing only that to know Rose had been indeed lying through her perfect teeth.

At least, I hoped I would be able to hang up quickly. I wasn't entirely sure that I would be able to do that upon hearing the voice that had haunted my memories for the last eight months. I just prayed that I was strong enough not to fall on my knees and beg her to take me back.

When the phone clicked with the unmistakable sound of someone picking up the receiver, I drew in a steadying breath. When a young man's husky voice answered the phone, I was caught totally off guard.

"Swan Residence."

"This is Carlisle Cullen," I replied in a perfect imitation of my father's voice. "May I please speak to Chief Swan?" My mind wandered over the reason's why a young, unfamiliar man's voice would be answering Bella's phone. Perhaps she had moved on after all. The thought caused my stomach to clench uncomfortably.

"He's not here," the boy replied, his tone suddenly thick with defiant menace. For the second time in as many minutes, I was surprised. For some reason, whomever this boy was, he didn't seem to like my father. That was odd. Everyone liked my father. I shook my head, clearing out the musings that didn't help me in my quest for information. Whatever his problem was, I didn't have the patience to deal with pettiness resulting from some imagined insult from someone I didn't know. I needed answers, dammit, and I needed them _now_.

"Can you tell me where I might find him?" I replied, again in a stellar duplicate of my father's quiet speech. "It's imperative that I speak with him as soon as possible."

"He's at the funeral." came the unwilling reply from the boy on the other end of the line on the other side of the world.

In complete shock at the roughly spoken words, I disconnected the phone without saying goodbye or requesting any further information. I'd gotten what I was looking for.

Rose had been telling the truth.

Bella was dead.

_Dead_.

Before I quite realized what was happening, my gut and teeth both clenched into a knot, and my body wrenched forward of it's own accord and I folded in half at the waist as I sank down onto the lumpy mattress. The phone slipped from my grasp to land on the floor with a soft 'thump' as my fingers curled my hands into tight fists. I realized that I was almost choking in my attempt to drag in air that I didn't have to have, but I needed the familiar, comforting feeling of breathing to try and calm the waves of torment that crashed over me and smashed me flat again and again.

From the moment I had fallen in love with her, I knew that someday, if I had my way and she did not become a vampire as she so badly wanted, she would eventually leave me behind when she died. It was the natural, normal progression of human life. They were born, they grew up, they grew older and they died. It's how my life would have been, had I not sickened and then met Carlisle. Over the decades, I had seen many people that I'd known grow old and die. It would be something I knew that I would see again with Bella, but I wasn't expecting it so soon. Now that it had happened, I was totally unprepared for the magnitude of pain that came with the realization of her death as it washed over me.

I felt myself falling, and realized that I was tilting off of the ratty bed, and didn't even try to stop myself as I fell to the floor and curled into a tight ball on the stained and pitted floor, gasping over and over for breath. Wrapping my arms around my legs, I squeezed my eyes tightly shut, and embraced the pain as images of Bella's beautiful face swirled around behind my closed eyelids. As my cell phone vibrated repeatedly underneath my stone cold body, I moaned Bella's name once, and gave myself fully over to the agony of my loss.

I can't tell you how long I lay there, wrapped around my grief. It might have been hours, or it could have been days. Possibly even weeks. I don't know, and I damn sure don't care. All that I knew or cared about was that Bella was dead, and I was lost without her.

I had finally calmed down enough, was numb enough, that I had stopped gasping for unnecessary breaths and rolled over to a sitting position, staring again at the chipped paint and cracked wallpaper. My phone had long since stopped ringing; I figured that the battery had finally gone dead. I had no desire to talk to Rose, to confirm for her that I finally believed the awful truth in the words she'd spoken to me earlier. I had no desire to talk to anyone. Nothing mattered to me. Not anymore.

Well, there was only one thing left for me to do.. and only one way that I knew for sure that I could accomplish it. I slowly picked up my phone from where it lay on the stained wooden floors next to me and flipped it open, feeling a dull sense of surprise to discover that it did still have a small charge remaining. That was fine. I only needed it to make two, brief phone calls.

Swiftly punching in the digits needed to call "Rio Information", I asked for and received the number I needed. Committing it momentarily to memory, I hung up and then dialed the new number. When the foreign voice saluted me on the other end of the line, I replied in kind, and then in flawless Portuguese, I made my request.

"Eu preciso de registrar um vôo de sentido único a Toscânia, Italy."

"_I need to book a one way flight to Tuscany, Italy."_


	7. Volterra

**This fiction is an EPOV of New Moon - written very much in the style of Midnight Sun. As such, I have re-purposed the dialog from the book whenever Edward and his family are with Bella. But the thoughts, feelings and the story line of Edward and his family away from Bella have been created by me.**

**That being said, ALL of the Characterizations all belong to S. Meyer - with absolutely NO copyright infringement intended whatsoever, and this story is meant purely for entertainment purposes only.**

VOLTERRA

As I made my way down the extravagantly tiled marble hallways, the only sound that I heard was my own harsh breathing and the soft scuffing of my feet as I forced myself along.

This was not the outcome that I'd been planning on when I originally stepped foot in this archaic building. I had hoped that I would not be walking out again, so I had no back up plans made in the event that I was refused my request to be put to death. My mind swam with options to accomplish what I had come here seeking, alternately choosing and discarding them as quickly as I wandered back the way I'd came in. When I reached the elevator that would return me to the surface level, and the human world, I was still no closer to making a decision as I was when they'd told me 'no'.

Leaning back against the wall as the doors shut behind me, I closed my eyes and made myself focus so that I could think more clearly.

Death. That's what I wanted. I no longer wanted to exist on this planet. I didn't want to feel the mind numbing anguish that I was feeling anymore. The pain that I had been dealing with for the last eight months had been bad enough. The complete and utter agony that I had been experiencing since I'd heard the news of Bella's death more than I could stand.

Bella's death. Two words I could not speak aloud. Two words I had a hard time even _thinking_ together. There was officially no longer any reason for me to continue to exist.

My family would miss me; that was a given. They would be as heartbroken to lose me as I was now. They had at least been aware that my own death would be the eventual outcome that came with my determination to keep Bella human. She would have died someday, hopefully it would have happened when she had reached a very old age, after having lived an extremely happy life... preferably with me. They had already known, from the instant they realized that I had fallen in love with a human girl, one that I had no intentions of killing or changing, that I would follow her when she left this earth.

That time was now.

The doors to the elevator opened, and I stepped out into the ground level business office corridor, and numbly moved towards the back of the building. I knew from recent past experience that there was a door that opened up into an alleyway that was usually pretty well deserted. Since it was the middle of the afternoon, and I hadn't come prepared, there was no way that I could just walk out the front door. Pausing just inside the door, before stepping out of the relative safety of the building, I considered my options one more time.

As I stood there, debating my next move, my mind wandered back to the conversation I'd had less than an hour ago...

_With my back ramrod stiff, I strode quickly down the marbled walkway, moving with more purpose and direction than I had in almost a year. I followed the long, dim hallway leading to the throne room, my mind set, and feeling more peace than I'd felt in several long, lonely months. I wasn't afraid of what I hoped would happen once I arrived there. On the contrary.. I welcomed the idea of ending my existence in this world. _

_My thirst blackened eyes roamed the room quickly, seeing the Volturi leaders waiting exactly where I'd expected them to be. When I'd originally stepped on the elevator heading down to see the powers that be, the human secretary had buzzed ahead to notify the ultimate authority of Volterra that they had a determined visitor on the way down to see them. _

_I grimaced in disgust with the memory of the girl's thoughts as she picked up the phone to call down to let her masters know of my impending intrusion. She wanted them to change her. She wanted to become a vampire. I ground my teeth, knowing deep in my gut that she was more likely to become a meal than to become one of them. But, that was how they drew you in here. They let you know just enough to make so that it was impossible for you to leave... alive._

Ah, here is our young visitor now, _Aro's thoughts had a curious edge to them as he sat high on his throne and surveyed me as I walked forward to stand silently before him. _I am most curious.

_My eyes darted to Caius and Marcus, sitting on either side of him, themselves silent and watchful, both of them wondering what my intentions were, and why I was here standing before them. I was a stranger.. never having been here before, although they knew who I was through their association with my father, Carlisle. _

_Dressed in flowing black robes and perched majestically in throne-like chairs on three tiered stairs, in an antechamber almost as large as my entire home, these three vampires had set themselves up in a position of total power. Being made to look up to them would make anyone, mortal or immortal, feel infinitesimal. _

_Four other vampires stood nearby the royal scene, silent and waiting. I zeroed in on the very large one who carried a mean edge to his thoughts. He made my brother Emmett look small, and that was difficult to do - Emmett was probably one of the biggest men I had seen in my entire existence. And he had always been the strongest. I guessed that Felix was stronger as well as bigger than my adopted brother. This had to be Felix, the Volturi's main bodyguard. He was the one who would most likely do the job I needed done here. _

_Perfect._

_The lone vampire who stood off to the side, aloof and on his own had to be Demetri. Carlisle had always said that he had a huge attitude, thought very highly of himself, and acted above his station. He was a tracker, the likes of which Carlisle had never seen an equal. If the Volturi wanted to find someone, he was the vampire to do it. There was no hiding from Demetri. Whoever he was, and whatever he did, I had no interest in him. I didn't even make eye contact with him. _

_There were two smaller vampires who regarded me suspiciously, that bared the strong resemblance of fraternal twins. They had to be Alex and Jane. They trained their bright red eyes on me and did not look away. I remembered what Carlisle had described to me about Jane and Alex's gifts, and while I wanted to die, I preferred it to be quick, and relatively painless. Their particular gifts were all about pain, and I wanted nothing to do with them. I fought against squirming uncomfortably under their stare, and resisted looking directly at them as I stood there, waiting to be acknowledged by their masters. _

So this must be Edward, _Aro mused silently,_ Carlisle's first companion.

_He looked me over carefully, from head to toe, his dark red irises covering every inch of my body, finally coming to meet my own gaze. His eyes narrowed slightly as he noticed my own golden gaze for the first time. He frowned slightly in disgust._

Well, I see he shares Carlisle's ridiculous passion for human life, _he thought, and I couldn't resist grinding my teeth together as he privately insulted the only father I had ever known. Aro's own eyebrows went up, his sensitive ears having picked up the sound my jaw made, and he regarded me intently. I realized belatedly that I'd just given myself away. Carlisle had apparently never told him that I was gifted in my own right. I silently wondered why._

"_Well, well, my young friend," Aro spoke aloud for the first time. "It appears that my friend Carlisle wasn't entirely honest with me about all of the vampires in his own little coven. You appear to be something other than what you are." Next to him, the twins both sharpened their gazes, leaned forward of one accord, and regarded me even more intently, both wondering in tandem what my special gift was._

_I squared my shoulders and looked Aro in the eye as I spoke. "With all due respect to you and your placement here, it was not Carlisle's secret to tell." I narrowed my eyes back at him, my tone fairly dripping with ridicule. "And yes, I do happen to share his passion for human life."_

_To his credit, Aro managed to keep his surprise from registering on his face as he heard his own thoughts thrown back at him. He sat back and tented his fingers, his mind suddenly skipping and whirling from one thought to the next as he fought to keep me out of his head. I returned his stare coldly, neither blinking, nor looking away as I heard him mulling over my possible reasons for coming before him and intentionally being antagonistic. Did I not know who he was? I raised an eyebrow at that thought and smirked at him, and his eyes took on a decidedly nasty gleam. Abruptly standing with a whoosh of his black cloak, he stepped fluidly down the stairs towards me, waving off Felix as he moved to follow him. Felix glared at me in warning, and I turned my head to return his glare with one of my own, and tipped my chin up, openly challenging him. He growled low in his chest in reply, and his huge hands clenched into gigantic fists. I made it a point to casually turn my head and look away from him, as if I wasn't worried about his threat. In truth, I wasn't. I wanted to die. If he could assist me with that, and I knew that he could, so be it. _

_I met Aro's glare as he came to a stop before me and offered me his hand. I narrowed my own gaze back at him and remained still. Aro raised an eyebrow in reply._

Afraid of what I might find, my young friend?_ He thought, with a smug tone to his mental 'voice'. _

"_No, Aro. I am not afraid of you, nor what you might find in my memories. I have done nothing to be ashamed of." I replied, my voice quiet and smooth. I knew what I was doing was the right thing for me. I was at peace with my choice. I had nothing at all to fear from this ancient immortal standing before me. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the other vampires start in surprise, almost as a single unit, their individual minds whirling with the same question - what did Aro ask me? And, how did I hear it when he didn't say anything?_

Then why not tell me why you are here, standing before me, in a Country where you don't fit in, and end the mystery?_ He silently demanded, comfortable now with my gift and communicating with me in that way, only now wanting to know more about me and why I was here in Volterra._

_Rather than answer him directly, I held his gaze and reached up to grip the hand he still held out to me in silent offering. He raised his own eyebrow and smiled quickly, instantly aware that I already knew what his special talent was, and by taking his hand, I was silently giving him permission to use it. _

_Carlisle had told me once, a long time ago, that Aro's own gift didn't differ very much from mine, except that he needed actual contact with his intended subjects to read their minds. And, he not only read your immediate thoughts, he could read every thought you had ever had in your entire life. Knowing this and still allowing him to take my hand was a huge thing for me, even though I had nothing to hide. At the moment, I had nothing to lose, either._

_Aro closed his eyes and bent his head over my hand, grasping it in his other hand as he did so, squeezing it just lightly. It was a odd feeling, to be honest. No one ever knew when I was poking around in their heads - at least, not that I knew of - but I could feel Aro rifling though my memories like he was shuffling a deck of cards. There was a slight tingle in my face, and I felt all of my muscles tighten slightly, as I was forcefully made to recall every thought I had ever had.. even those more recent 'human' style feelings I had been having about Bella._

_It seemed like it took forever, but was probably only a few seconds before Aro dropped my hand, stepped back and opened his eyes, locking his deep red pupils on mine for several long moments. I met his gaze calmly and coldly, refusing to be intimidated by him, or to look away as he regarded me silently. _

"_So," Aro mused in a quiet voice, more for everyone else's benefit than for mine, "You came here wishing to die." Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the twins look at each other in surprise, and Felix grinned with a feral glint in his eyes, expecting some exercise. Caius pursed his lips with a thoughtful expression, and Marcus, as was his usual, looked merely bored. I couldn't see Demetri in my immediate vision, but a quick prod of his thoughts showed me that he too, was surprised at my request. _

"_Yes." I was careful not to react any more than my response required, still keeping my eyes locked on Aro's._

_Aro glanced at his vampire brethren taking in their various expressions as he considered his answer. None of them moved, or commented, leaving it completely up to Aro what his decision would be. I waited, hiding my impatience, as Aro turned back to regard me again, carefully considering his answer. _

So, in the end, Aro finally decided to refuse my request for them to take my life for me, unless he had good cause to do so. He stated that my 'gift' was "too valuable a talent to be wasted" in what was to him a useless death over an insignificant human female. It was all I could do to keep from snorting as I thought about the true ulterior motive for keeping me alive that wasn't as well hidden in his mind as he thought it had been.

Well, then... I guess it was up to me to provide him with a reason.

Probably the easiest way to get the lethal attention I craved would be to go on a killing spree in the city. There was a strict 'no hunting' policy within the city walls, in order to preserve the way of life for the hidden vampires that resided here, and the Volturi guard were quick to mete out their brand of justice whenever that particular rule was broken.

I thought about that for several long moments as I stared out through the heavily tinted window into the deserted alley. Despite the fact that I had conditioned myself to refuse the blood of humans over centuries of living as a 'vegetarian' vampire with my family, I could easily throw aside the training in an instant if I gave myself completely over to my hunting instincts in a city full of warm bodies. I hadn't eaten in the previous month before I'd heard about Bella's death, so I was damn sure hungry enough to take human life. And even working alone I was certainly more than able to kill enough of them to draw attention to myself. Then Aro, Marcus and Caius would have to take action to stop me before the humans that lived here in this peaceful city realized what manner of monsters walked amongst them and took measures against them.

Oh now, that was a tempting idea.

At the moment, I could think of nothing better than to see the people of Volterra coming after the resident royals with pitch forks and fire.

Okay. Maybe it would be more like with machine guns and tanks, but still, the delight I took in the vision was the same. Besides, I wouldn't be around to worry about the fall out from that one. They would dispatch me first, for causing it, and only then, turn in defence of themselves.

I almost smiled.

As I stood there, staring out the large window mulling over my options, a man stepped out of a door leading into the alleyway holding a large black plastic bag.

Well, that was convenient.

I watched him close and lock the door behind himself, slipping his keys into his grease grimy pants pocket, and I could only assume that the bag swinging from his left handed grip was a bag of garbage from one of the neighboring cafes. I could smell a dozen different cooking aroma's swirling the the heavy air - everything from tomatoes and different spices, to burning grease and baking bread. Even standing here inside the building with the door solidly closed, I could still almost taste them. My stomach twisted, and I grimaced in disgust at the thought of eating anything I smelled that might be cooking and soon offered up for public consumption.

My thirst blackened pupils narrowed on the innocent stranger walking down the deserted alley way, and I found myself trying out of long habit to get a grasp on what he was thinking at that moment, trying to decipher through his thoughts what manner of person he was.

When I was first born into this new 'life', Carlisle attempted to impress upon me that the vegetarian lifestyle he had developed was a much better way to live than to give myself over to the thirst for human blood that my instincts screamed for. He tried to teach me that all human life was precious and should be be seen with a certain amount of reverence, but I resisted. The thirst was strong within me, and I had rebelled against his teachings and left him for a short time, trying to make my own way in this new world. Despite the fact that I had reverted to the nature of our canon and had hunted humans, I used my new found mind reading capabilities to read the people that were my intended victims before I slaughtered them, and discovered that by killing the men and women that were the slime of humanity - the thieves, rapists and murderers living in amongst polite society - I was able to find a certain amount of peace within myself by rationalizing that I was then doing the decent human beings a favor by disposing of them without anyone else the wiser.

Standing there, watching as this unknown man threw his load into the dumpster at the end of the alley, I determined that it really didn't matter this time what he had done in his past, or what he was considering doing in his immediate future. He was going to die, so that I might die, and I didn't care what sort of man he was. At this point and time, he was a means to an end, and that was all.

Having firmed up my resolve, I pushed open then heavy glass door silently and stepped out into the alley, narrowing my sharp gaze on the walking man's back as he paused for a moment to light a cigarette. I was very nearly drowning in my own venom as it flowed across my tongue at the thought of drinking the warm blood I could see readily pulsing in the large artery at the side of his neck. I tucked myself along the wall, under the darker shade from the eve of the over hanging roof, out of the immediate sunlight, and stealthily crept closer.

As I advanced, I became aware of a small voice inside my head asking me why I didn't just rush him, if I was serious about taking his life, instead of creeping up on him. I mentally told the voice to shut up and leave me alone and let me hunt in peace.

_You could have already had him down and drank your fill, you know. What are you waiting for?_ The voice inside my mind asked me. I lowered the foot I had just lifted to take a step.

_Shut up. This is my hunt. Let me do it my way._ I snapped back internally.

_I don't think that you really want to take his life. If you did, you would have already._ The annoying, although suspiciously calm, murmur replied, ignoring completely my demand for silence.

The unsuspecting victim puffed on his cigarette a few times to get the cherry glowing and stuffed his hands in his pockets as he picked up his stride back to the door he'd exited from. I melted against the wall and froze, as still as only stone can be, and silently watched him as he fished in his pocket for the keys and unlocked the door.

_It's now or never, Edward. Do it if you are going to._ The now somewhat familiar sounding voice pushed again.

"Fine. You got it." I snarled back in a tone so low that human ears could not have detected it. With a predatory growl rumbling deep within my chest, I soundlessly dropped down and leaned forward in my hunting crouch, balancing my weight on the balls of my feet and waited, prepared to spring when the man opened the door and presented his back to me.

In the next second, to my own utter surprise, the door was closing loudly behind the now incredibly lucky-to-be-alive mark, and I had yet to move from my crouch, frozen where I stood.

_I had faith that you wouldn't do it,_ the clear, calm voice whispered in my head, "_You're not that person anymore_." The face that belonged to the voice of reason suddenly materialized before my mind's eye.

Carlisle.

Bowing my head, I squeezed my eyes tightly shut, and balled my hands into fists. I sighed dispiritedly, and leaned heavily against the brick wall behind me. I knew, deep down, that even though the voice in my head was actually my own, the reason I was hearing the words in his endlessly compassionate tone was because I would never want to so deeply hurt and disappoint the only father that I had ever known in that way... not in the last few seconds of my existence on this earth. I would not want to leave him with that as his final memory of me.

Disgusted with myself for reasons I wasn't exactly sure of, I walked slowly back to the heavy glass doors I had so recently exited, and let myself back inside to wait until sundown so that I could leave without drawing any attention to myself. Throwing rainbows in the sunshine the way that I did wasn't conducive to walking among the general human populace in broad daylight.

Just inside the doors, I paused for a moment, thinking quickly. Why should I have to wait until sundown?

If I wanted Volturi attention, there really wasn't a faster way to get it than for me to show myself in the full light of a bright sunny day in a plaza full of humans.

I searched my memory quickly. Today was St. Marcus day - the day the humans celebrated in remembrance of St. Marcus running the Vampires out of their city.

I snorted at the irony.

Yeah. Right.

Even now, just about every human in the city would be converging on the plaza for the festival, starting around noon and continuing for the rest of the afternoon and far into the evening. The sight of me stepping out into the midday sun would be a sight that none of those humans would ever forget, I was quite sure of that.

I glanced at the large clock on the receptionists desk near the the front doors. Eleven thirty. Perfect. I had just enough time to make it over into the plaza, find a dark corner to hide in, drop my shirt and make an entrance.

Hell... if you're going to go out, might as well go out with a flare.

Or a sparkle.. as it were. I barely stopped myself from rolling my eyes at my own errant, silly thought.

My mind made up, I twisted around and headed silently and quickly back down the long hallway that I had originally came through. Stepping through a door at the end of the hall, I made a quick left and exited out a private entrance that led to a secret service corridor that allowed my kind to move about the city during the day without any of the humans being aware of it. There were many such tunnels that ran through the city, known only to the resident vampires and select humans that served them only to be killed or turned later.

Making my way down the dark, slightly musty hallways, I wound a secret path through the city towards my destination. I could hear the sounds of revelry through the walls; the party was getting ready to start. I paused for a moment and listened to the shouts and the laughter of the humans on the other side of the thick walls. Even two feet thick and solid stone, I could still smell the blood scents of the hundreds of warm blooded bodies that were gathering in the plaza.

My mouth moistened, venom washing across my tongue my muscles tightening in a response that I hadn't felt in almost a century.

Well, until Bella, that is... her name in my mind bringing a shot of pain to my silent chest. I shook my head in disgust. How easily the monster had been awakened within me.

Pushing him back down and locking him away, I swallowed the excess venom, and resumed my trek.

Finally arriving at my destination, I paused behind the heavy wooden doors that blocked the private hallway to the square through a shadowed hallway, listening.

Many voices greeted my ears, both verbose and silent, as I stood there, debating the best way to make my entrance. I felt my lips twitch in feral amusement, knowing the havoc I was about to wreak on the high and mighty Volturi sitting on their thrones where they had placed themselves, so high on their totem pole above everyone else. Once I made my presence known, and was so visually dealt with accordingly, the humans would remember all the little instances when they silently wondered about the odd, pasty skinned men and women that resided within this darkly secure castle. They would recall how different they were, all the instances of friends and loved ones that had entered these walls and had never returned. Slowly the light of reality would switch on in their brains - brains that for centuries had been so much slower to grasp or accept the truth than they should have been. Steps would be taken to discover that truth.

The Volturi would soon be routed from the place of ultimate power they had created for themselves by the hands of the very humans they had ruled over for so long.

This time, my smile was very real.

Standing just behind the doors leading out into the street, I closed my eyes and thought of Bella, breathing deeply, calming myself.

My Bella.

I was strangely at peace, knowing I was about to die. I would have thought that there would have been some odd sense of panic - I'd sensed and heard that emotion many times in the minds of the human monsters I'd dispatched, many decades ago - so I was surprised that I didn't feel it within myself. The lack of fear of my impending death... or the end of my existence, whatever you wanted to call it.. didn't cause me a moments pause.

Indeed, I welcomed it.

I welcomed the end of the pain and agony, knowing already what eternity would feel like without Bella in it. A spasm of anguish tightened my muscles and caused me to catch my breath for a moment at the thought.

Yes. That is exactly what it would feel like.

I couldn't bear it. I wouldn't bear it.

Back in control of myself, I opened my eyes and slowly lifted the heavy iron lock on the door that kept the curious humans safely outside the vampire boundaries. Any moment now I would hear it.. the call to my death.

Standing there silent and still in the darkened entrance, I watched the unsuspecting humans as they flowed by my door in a continuous red clothed tide on their way to the square for the festival. The sun was shining brightly, casting moving shadows on the ground underneath the children as they frolicked around their parents, over excited to be experiencing the coming events of the days party. The sun was directly overhead.

I was about to give them a glimpse of something they would never forget.

Moments later, the relatively quiet hum of their warm bodied conversation was interrupted by a shattering noise as the first bell tolled, signifying the start of the festivities throughout the plaza.

My eyes drifted closed and a soothing calm feeling overtook me as I reached up to undo the first two collar button's on my white shirt. I smiled slightly, distracted by the feeling, and my mind's eye conjured a picture of my strange and quiet adopted brother, Jasper, who could control the feelings of anyone around him with a mere thought. We'd gotten to know each other much better over the last several months, and I was happy about that. My one regret would have to be that it had taken so long to do so.

The bells rang again, the noise reverberating through the plaza as I popped open another button.

The memory picture of Jasper brought with it a vision of the grinning pixie-like face of his one true soul mate, my favorite adopted sister, Alice. She was probably one of the most annoying little monsters on this planet, and I loved her like an extension of my own self. She would miss me terribly, but she would understand better than any of them why I chose this route.

Another button opened under my cold fingers.

Unbidden to my mind's eye came a vision of my adopted father, Carlisle, who loved me despite my oh so obvious flaws and faults. There were times that I hated Carlisle, for making me what I was, that was true. But I understood why he did it. Sometimes I even thanked him for it. But not once did I ever stop loving him for being the only father I could ever remember, and for doing his best to make me the person he thought I should be. I knew I'd failed miserably, of course, but to his credit, he never stopped loving me. Never stopped trying. This would hurt him to his core, but I trusted he would be at peace with my reason for doing this.

Another two buttons worked free.

Esme's beautiful, porcelain white face, lovely features wracked with pain, swam before my closed eyes, and I physically cringed at the sight. I knew instinctively that this would be the face she would wear for decades to come due to the choice I was making now. Possibly even longer. I tried to tell myself that she would forgive me; that she would also understand my reason for making this choice, knowing how much she loved... Bella. For a moment, I choked on her name. Yes, Esme would understand... but it wouldn't stop her pain. I regretted that deeply, but in my selfishness, my pain was greater than what this would cause her. She would still have the rest of her adopted children - Alice, Jasper, Rose and Emmett.

Another button free.

Rose. I barely spared her a thought, and mentally snorted reciting her name. We'd never gotten along. Not since day one. She would probably rejoice that I was out of her hair. In fact, she would probably hate me even more for causing Emmett the agony of me leaving him.

One more button open. I could feel the heat from the sun on my exposed skin now, but it did not warm me.

Emmett would feel pain... probably more so than any of the rest of my siblings. We were the closest.. brothers in all but blood. He was the one who understood me the best, and even if he didn't, he still supported me - no matter what. I felt bad that I would be leaving him alone to face the world. No one understood him the way I did. In a lot of ways, he was eternally a child, full of wonder and exuberance at the world around him, and that sometimes got him into trouble. I hoped that Carlisle would step forward and guide him down the right path. I owed him so much for his wonderful treatment of... Bella.

The last button worked loose and I began to slowly shrug free of the silken fabric.

Bella.

Her name and the mental picture that came with it brought pain unlike any I had yet to experience, and I knew again that I was making the right choice. Who knew? Maybe she was right, and I would see her in Heaven. One could hope, right?

The shirt slid from my loosened grasp and landed silently in a puddle at my feet. Although my eyes were still closed, I could feel the warmth of the sun just a few strides away. The clock tolled in an earth shattering boom, and the human voices shrieked in sudden excitement. I took a big step towards the sun I could feel, but not see.

From a long distance away, I heard her voice.

Bella's voice.

She was calling out to me from the other side. It startled me for an instant, and caused me to pause and consider the truth of Carlisle's insistence of a Hell and Heaven.

And her vehement insistence that I would be allowed in the latter.

Maybe they were right. All the more reason to get on with this.

"No!" the most beautiful voice in the world shouted. "Edward, look at me!"

_If I can hear you now, I will be looking at you, beloved. Just give me another moment to get there. _I thought, smiling slightly as I raised my foot to take another big stride towards the heat that would set me shimmering in the afternoon sun. _Soon, so soon. We'll be together._

In the next instant, something warm and soft slammed into me, and instinct forced me to bring my arms and hands up defensively to catch it. A heated, stress filled, _familiar_ human scent enveloped me, and made my head immediately spin.

Her scent.

Bella.

She was here.

Incredible. She smelled as wonderful here, as she had in life.

As the chime reverberated around the square once more, my eyes opened slowly. I was almost afraid to look, utterly terrified that I would be wrong, and that she wouldn't be here, in my arms, and that it was just some cruel joke and I really was in Hell. I forced myself to look down at the softness in my arms that was practically crawling up my chest.

She was here. Bella. In my arms.

My Bella. We were together at last.

Forever.

"Amazing," I managed to murmur, still very surprised to see her. "Carlisle was right."

I felt her pushing me. Odd. Why would she be pushing me?

"Edward," the vision of loveliness gasped, sounding out of breath. Also very odd. Was that normal for Heaven? "You've got to get back into the shadows. You have to move!"

I couldn't resist running my cold fingers along her warm cheek. Strange. I would have thought our temperatures would have matched now. Heaven was a strange place. Not at all what I had expected. The clock tolled again, and that made me pause a moment to consider. Ah, perhaps they hadn't yet finished the job and this was just a prelude. Even more strange. I had figured that Felix would be a professional at dispatching naughty rule breaking vampires by now. They needed to hurry it along.

I heard her heart racing and could smell the sweet essence of her sweat coming off her skin. Still slightly confused, but overwhelmingly happy, I closed my eyes and breathed deeply of the scent I had given my life for as I kissed her hair.

"I can't believe how quick it was," I mused quietly to myself. _"Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, hath no power yet upon they beauty." _The final toll rang, and I knew that they must be done now, I could feel her ever more solidly in my arms. "You smell just exactly the same as always," I stopped to ponder for a moment. Perhaps it was Hell, and this was some awful joke played upon me by the Devil, and when I opened my eyes again, she would be gone. Oh well. If that was the game, for experiencing this one moment, I would do it a thousand times over. "So maybe this _is_ hell. I don't care. I'll take it."

"I'm not dead," the vision in my arms argued, interrupting my musings. "And neither are you! Please Edward, we have to move. They can't be far away!"

The soft bundle squirmed in my arms, and I felt my forehead crease in a frown at her words. We were in Heaven. What was there to fear here?

"What was that?" I queried softly, the beginnings of comprehension starting to spark in my scent dulled brain. My head was still swimming with her delightful aroma, clouding my thinking, but I was gradually becoming aware of my immediate surroundings.

"We're not dead, not yet! But we have to get out of here before the Volturi-" she sputtered furiously a second before reality struck me like a battering ram. Suddenly the thoughts that I'd been unconsciously blocking in my joy at my reunion with my beloved Bella exploded in my head.

_Ah, look how close he is to the sun. Aro knew he would try something like this_, came the acid edged thought from Demetri's wicked brain.

_Damn. We got here too soon. I wonder if Aro will let me rip his head off anyway? It looks like his intention was clear enough._ was Felix's mental dialogue.

I could see Bella and I from their two sets of eyes, and how close we actually were to the sun. I was also aware of their thirst; their desire to taste her alluring blood, a scent they also had swirling in their heads as they waited in the shadows to see what we would do.

That last thought had me instantly springing to the defensive. As gently as I could manage, I grabbed Bella and spun her away from them, shoving her against the wall in the darkened area back under the clock tower. Assuming a threatening posture in front of her - slightly crouched, knees bent, arms spread wide and ready - I felt a low growl of warning rumbling in my chest.

In Volturi guard minds I saw Bella peek under my arm at them, terror written on her beautiful face, and I fought to keep my voice calm and self assured in order to not cause her anymore panic.

"Greetings, gentlemen," I purred quietly, an edge of threat to my voice. "I don't think I'll be requiring your services today. I would appreciate it very much, however, if you would send my thanks to your masters."

"Shall we take this conversation to a more appropriate venue?" Felix whispered, his tone causing the hair on the back of my neck to raise slightly, and the growl in my chest to intensify.

"I don't believe that will be necessary." I replied, hearing the menacing tone in my own voice. "I know your instructions, Felix. I haven't broken any rules."

Demetri spoke from his own shadowed hiding place. "Felix merely meant to point out the proximity of the sun," his voice silken and smooth, trying to mellow out a quickly escalating situation. He was the cooler head of the two guard, and even though he was just as thirsty as Felix was, his thoughts told me that he wasn't going to be as quick to challenge me as Felix was, knowing my special gift. "Let us seek better cover."

It was all I could do not to snort at them. "I'll be right behind you," I said in a voice that could have peeled wallpaper from walls. "Bella, why don't you go back to the square and enjoy the festival?"

"No, bring the girl," Felix whispered, an unmistakable smirk in his voice. _What fun we could have with her,_ was the thought I caught when he spoke the words. _At least for a moment or two.._

The words, both silent and spoken, combined to cause me to drop any last vestige of politeness remaining in my demeanor.

Yeah, Right.

I shifted my weight forward to the balls of my feet and prepared for him to charge me as I said, "I don't think so."

"No." Bella mouthed silently.

"Shh," I whispered back, trying to reassure her, but not at all sure of the situation myself.

Demetri spoke up, a shadow come to life, trying to reason with his huge partner. "Felix," he murmured, "Not here." he turned to face me. "Aro would simply like to speak with you again, if you have decided not to force our hand after all."

I decided it might be better if I played nice, trying to get the chance to remove Bella from the situation. Despite the current tenseness of the moment, my mind was still whirling with the fact that she was alive and well, basically plastered to my back.

"Certainly," I said, an edge of affability returning to my voice. "But the girl goes free." I qualified quickly, as I heard their thoughts returning quickly to their thirst and lust for her blood.

Demetri said, "I'm afraid that's not possible," false regret heavy in his voice. "We do have rules to obey." _The human knows about us. She can't be allowed to live._

I raised an eyebrow at him, hearing both of his voices. "Then I'm afraid that I'll be unable to accept Aro's invitation, Demetri."

From the corner of my eye I saw the mammoth shape that was Felix shift it's weight from one foot to the other. I tightened my stance as I saw Bella's frightened face front and center in his mind.

No way in hell was he going to get anywhere near her. Not while I was still standing.

"That's just fine," Felix's disembodied voice floated out from the darkness. I could see him shadowed there plain as day, but from Bella's squinted eyes, I knew she was having issues. Human eyes were so weak. I kept mine on him, just in case.

"Aro will be disappointed," Demetri sighed over-dramatically.

"I'm sure he'll survive the letdown," I replied, somewhat dryly, still eyeing Felix as he eyed Bella. Her safety was my number one priority. I was not budging from my protective stance until I had to.

Or, was thrown bodily away from her. Either way, I was determined to stay planted in my current location.

Deep in the protection of their near floor length cloaks, they began drifting slowly forward, cautiously spreading out in a loose semi-circle around me, attempting to block any avenues of escape I might attempt. Growling quietly, unable to stop myself, I shifted my weight to follow Felix, knowing in my gut that he was ultimately the one to watch for a fight, and tracked Demetri by using Felix's eyes.

_The hell? _My head whipped around quickly as I caught the leading edge of a much beloved mind I hadn't heard in longer than I cared to think about. Following my quick motion, both Demetri and Felix also rubbernecked to see what had caught my attention.

_Hey Big Brother. You didn't think I would let you have all the fun, did you? _Alice. What the hell was she doing here? In her mind, I saw Bella's eyes widen as she caught sight of Alice moving towards us in the shadows. Of course. She brought Bella to save me. I should have figured.

"Let's behave ourselves, shall we?" Alice spoke verbally for the Volturi guards benefit as she skipped out of the shadows. "There are ladies present."

Coming directly to my side, keeping her body language unconcerned and casual, I could see in her mind that she was anything but, watching them with a hawk's glare for any sudden movements they might make. Swinging her arms around like a happy child on a playground, she stopped and leaned slightly into me, a silent greeting.

Demetri and Felix straighted immediately, obviously irritated that they were now outnumbered, or, that we at least had even strength, not counting Bella. I almost laughed as Felix's mouth turned down into a frown.

"We're not alone," Alice's soft voice reminded them, flicking her eyes quickly at he crowd that was gathered just outside our shadowed alleyway. The family I had noticed earlier had caught sight of the five of us standing tense and quiet in the alley, and the woman was whispering desperately to her husband, and in her mind I heard her mention something about him calling the gestapo, in case there was trouble.

As her husband walked quickly over to one of the plaza's armed guards, Demetri trained his eyes back on mine.

"Please, Edward, let's be reasonable," he said, almost pleading.

"Let's," I agreed quickly. "And we'll leave quietly now, with no one the wiser." I knew he wouldn't fall for it, I could already hear the denial in his mind, but I had to try.

He sighed in irritation. "At leas let us discuss this more privately."

Out of Felix's eyes, I saw six more guards join the family, and all their eyes trained on us with cautious expressions ranging from concern to anger. I was aware that I hadn't dropped my protective crouch, and feeling the tension rolling off of Felix in waves, I wasn't about to, even from the treat of the armed plaza guards.

My teeth clicked together loudly as I snapped back at Demetri. "No." Felix grinned, sure that the confrontation he was lusting for was at hand.

"Enough."

The voice caught me unprepared, and then I caught the mind belonging to the voices owner and immediately relaxed my stance and dropped my arms. This was one vampire I knew better than to irritate.

And she was already irritated. Great.

Seeing the small dark cloaked shape drifting towards us, I fought to keep from grinding my teeth together in frustration. This was something we did not need.

Small in size, but totally beautiful, even with the repulsive red eyes, her appearance caused both Felix and Demetri to react as I did - they immediate relaxed their tense fighting postures, and slipped back into the shadows.

"Jane," I sighed, acknowledging her quietly. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Alice fold her arms, her face blank as she waited to see what Jane would do.

"Follow Me," she said, her voice a dead monotone. She immediately turned her back on us and slipped away into the dark without questioning whether or not we would follow her. She knew we would. Felix looked back at me, a smirk on his face as he gestured for us to go next.

Alice fell immediately in line behind where Jane has disappeared, and I reached out and wrapped my arms around Bella, marveling again that she was warm, soft and most importantly, _breathing_, in my arms. From the corner of my eye, I saw her look up at me in a panic, her beautiful face alive with unasked questions, and I shook my head quickly, stopping her before she started. The last thing we needed was the ears behind us listening.

To attempt to put her mind at ease, I struck up a casual conversation with Alice as we walked the darkened hallway.

"Well, Alice, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised to see you here."

"It was my mistake," she said in the same casual tone I had adopted, and I knew she understood my silent meaning. "It was my job to set it right."

Trying to seem as if I was only vaguely interested in her answer, I asked, "What happened?" as mild as I could manage.

"It's a long story." Alice said, glancing quickly toward Bella and then dancing just as swiftly away from her. "In summary, she did jump off a cliff, but she wasn't trying to kill herself. Bella's all about the extreme sports these days."

In her mind I caught one image after the other, suddenly flooded with a whirlwind of pictures - Bella nearly drowning, somehow being pulled to safety; Bella being stalked by a vampire, and... what the hell? _Werewolves?_

"Hm," was all I could manage to choke out after seeing these images in her mind, all pretense of casualness gone.

Up ahead, Jane had disappeared, and Alice was quickly coming to the end of our hallway. I felt Bella start in surprise as she suddenly vanished through a hole in the floor. Bella stepped to the edge and looked down in surprise, her already pale skin suddenly even whiter in the dim light of the hall. She pulled back in confusion.

"It's alright, Bella," I murmured quietly. "Alice will catch you." If Demetri and Felix hadn't have been breathing down our necks, just watching and waiting for an opening, I would have gone ahead to catch her myself. But I trusted Alice.

Bella lowered herself down, allowing her legs to dangle in the opening for a moment.

"Alice?" she whispered, her trembling voice barely audible.

"I'm right here, Bella," Alice called out to reassure Bella as she teetered on the edge.

I reached out and gently grasped Bella's too thin wrists and lowered her partially into the blackness below.

"Ready?" I called out, wanting to make sure that Alice was completely ready to catch her when I let go.

In her mind, I saw Bella dangling from my grasp. "Drop her," she called back. Taking a deep, unnecessary breath, I release my hands, and with a huffing _whoosh_, heard Bella land safely in Alice's arms.

Quickly, I dropped down beside the two girls and immediately wrapped my arms around Bella's waist and drew her close beside me as we began walking forward. Feeling her warm arms wrap around my own waist was a Heaven I never thought I'd feel again, and I wished that we had a minute to take a breath an say a proper hello.

What I wouldn't give for a kiss!

Behind us, the grate was pulled into place with a loud clang that caused Bella to jump and trip as we hurried after Alice. Now and then as we hustled down the hall, I could hear Felix release an impatient sigh, and I had to fight from gritting my teeth and growling at him as his eyes stayed trained on Bella as she stumbled along next to me. Besides catching an intense under current of hunger for her blood from him, he was not only absorbing her mouth watering scent, he was also hugely enjoying the view of her backside.

I gripped her tightly and reached across her body with my free hand to hold onto her face as well, clearly marking my territory by tracing my cold, hard thumb across her lips and telling Felix in no uncertain circumstances that she was _mine_.

As we walked for what seemed like forever in a tunnel I had never been in before, Bella clutched herself to me, and I couldn't resist pressing my face into her silky hair, inhaling deeply, a part of me still unable to process the fact that she was alive and warm in my arms.

Our path travelled steadily downward, and I was confused as to where we were heading, since I clearly didn't take this tunnel on my way out of the conference room. I knew there were several tunnels in and out of the ancient building, but the was one that I was totally unfamiliar with. I could feel then tension in Bella's body and I knew she was terrified, the scent coming off of her in waves. I tried to sooth her by keeping my hand on her face, and felt her shaking, so I pressed her tighter against me as the tunnel started to lighten.

When Bella's teeth started chattering, I realized that it wasn't fear that had her shaking - she was cold. Her clothes were wet.. although I didn't know how they had gotten that way. I quickly let go of her, knowing that the wintry temperature of my skin wasn't going to help the matter any, and kept a hold of only her hand. She immediately threw her arms back around me in horror.

"N-n-no," she stuttered out through chattering teeth, and I rubbed my hand quickly along her arm, hoping that the friction might warm her marginally at least.

I could see the dimness of the tunnel giving way to the light from an open iron barred gate. I ducked through and towed Bella with me. Felix made a big show of slamming the gate behind us just to watch Bella start in fear. I shot him a hate filled glare over her head, and he smirked at me, taunting me, trying to openly start a fight that would end in only one way.

We stepped through the low wooden door on the opposite side of the room and as Bella looked around, relaxing against me in relief, I tensed, feeling my eyes narrow, and my jaw snap shut.


End file.
